Should I divorce her ?

I wake up early, before the alarm rings. It's useless trying to get any more sleep, since all I can think about is my wife, now my unfaithful wife. To divorce, or not divorce, that is the question. Will it really be nobler to be in the right, and to divorce ? Will the satisfaction of knowing that I did nothing wrong, be worth spending the rest of my life on my own, with no one at home to talk to, especially at weekends, and having to be so careful about not hurting myself or getting ill ? And what will our daughter think ? What will people think of me if I do divorce her ? What will they think of me if I don't ? A work colleague asked if I had any plans. What did he mean ? Did he mean about holidays, changing my job, or does everyone at work know about my wife, and he was asking what I was going to do about her ?  

How unfaithful has she been ? I know who she is seeing, but is it just an affair of the heart, and nothing physical, her simply wanting the company of someone different ? Perhaps they just meet for country walks, or visiting art galleries or museums. But how many art galleries are open late at night ? She comes home late, when I am in our double bed, trying to get to sleep, and I hear her quietly opening the front door. Now she sleeps in our daughter's old room. Our daughter was married three years ago, and is now expecting a baby. This will be our first grandchild. Art galleries ? No man is going to be satisfied with that for long. At least I don't have to worry about a love child, since we will both be fifty in a few years time. I asked our daughter, very carefully, what I should do, but she just said that she wants me to be happy. She knows something of what is going on, but obviously disapproves of her mother's behaviour.  

Finally the alarm rings. Now I am too busy getting up, to have any time for worrying. My wife hears the alarm, and I hear her moving around in what has become her bedroom. We meet downstairs for breakfast. She used to tell me all the gossip she had read on her social media, but now we eat in silence. We still share preparing breakfast, I put the bread in the toaster, then she spreads the toast with marmalade. I drive her to her work, on the way to mine. We used to chatter a bit on the journey, but not now. We used to kiss before she got out. Now we just glance at each other. What is she thinking ? Is she thinking about him, or about me ? Is she looking forward to a future with him ? Or is she worrying about what a future with him would be like, that he might simply be using her, and later get tired of her ? Is she getting tired of him ? Does she want to end the affair, but doesn't know how ? Does she want to find a way back to the way we used to be ? Or is she planning to ask me for a divorce ?  

I can never read anything from her face.  

I'm not sure how long this affair has been going on, maybe six months, or a bit more. My wife often used to see friends in the evenings, especially after our daughter got married. I can guess how they met, but it amazes me how they can have anything in common. Perhaps she is tired of me, and any man who shows an interest, is welcome. I feel as if I am under attack, and I remember my army colonel saying, "When you're under attack, keep your head down." Or, in this case, don't say anything. We used to use Friday nights, in our double bed, as a sort of confession time, knowing that whatever one of us said, the other would not suddenly jump out of a nice warm bed, especially in the winter. In the morning, having had a night to think things over, we could have a more relaxed discussion, especially as it would then be a Saturday, with no alarm.  

I arrive home from work. As usual she has prepared some food for me before going out. Perhaps I should just accept that some things have changed, and do nothing. But what are people going to think of me ? Weak ? Humiliated ? Should I take a mistress, to get even with her ? Not that I have anyone in mind, and I doubt if my teenage dating skills would be much use now. Perhaps I could use a dating agency, but I remember a woman re-marrying, who was advised on her wedding day, to keep her new husband off the drink. She had no idea that he had a drinking problem. As teenagers everything was so open, but now in later life people can have deep secrets, like debt or health problems, and be marrying for something besides companionship.  

There have been nights when I have wanted to get up and go to her, but I dare not. I think I was frightened that this would start an argument, and she would say she hated me, and she was going to leave me, things said in the heat of the moment, which can't be undone afterwards. The best policy is always to encourage people in what they want to do, or in this case, not to discourage them, to continue some form of communication. While we are still living in the same house, there is the hope that her affair might fizzle out, and she would want to get back to the way we lived before. Although, as someone said, you can pull a nail out of a piece of wood, but the hole is still there, so we would never be able to forget what had happened. We would sometimes have to talk about this period of our marriage, so perhaps we could say it was during her "illness". Will she change when our daughter's baby is born ? Will she want to help look after the baby, and forget about being with him ? How would she return to me ? Does she worry that I would belittle her, by always reminding her of being unfaithful ? Would she be disappointed at not finding me as exciting as him, however hard I tried ? Would she worry that I would want something from her, perhaps love-making every night to make up for all those missed opportunities ? Would she worry that she would just have to accept it, if I became unfaithful, or if I wanted to leave her ?  

I wake early again, with the usual worry and questions. Then I hear her scream. I jump up, to see what is wrong. She is shouting and banging her fists on the pillows. She pushes her phone across the bed to me. I see a text.  

"I wanted to tell you last night, but I didn't have the courage. I've taken that job in New York, the one I told you about. I'm leaving this morning."

I go downstairs, get my own breakfast, and guess that she will not be going to work today. Now what ? Has she been dumped ? "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". All day I worry that she may do something silly. I come home, and see that she must still be in the house, since her coat is in the hall.  

At night I go upstairs, not knowing if I'll ever be able to get to sleep. Her bedroom door is half open. I see her sitting in front of the mirror, sobbing, and notice her shoulders shaking. I quietly go, and get into our double bed, on my usual side, leaving our bedroom door open. After a while she comes and stands in the bedroom doorway. We look at each other. I pull back the covers on her side of the bed. Slowly, she gets in. She turns away from me, and I hear her quietly crying herself to sleep.  

Luckily, tomorrow is a Saturday.