A Fresh Start

"I hate parties. I don't know why I even let you talk me into coming."

Jen shoots me a sideways glance from the corner of her eye.

"You're coming because you need to learn how to socialize and not always be an introverted weirdo," she chastises me. "And because Carolyn has someone she wants you to meet."

"I don't even know Carolyn very well. Why's she trying to play matchmaker for me?"

"Well, I know her and I trust her. Don't worry, she wouldn't set my wittle brovver up with anyone nasty-wasty." Jen takes one hand off the steering wheel to reach over and pinch my cheek.

"Stop it!" I push her hand away.

Jen pulls her car up alongside the street in front of her friend's house. There are already six or seven cars parked on both sides of the street. After digging around in her purse for a minute or two she pulls out her lipstick.

"I see you're going with 'man-catcher red'," I tease her.

"Yeah. You wanna borrow it?" She shoots back with a grin.

I flip her off and unbuckle my seatbelt, opening the car door.

"Seriously though, you ought to at least undo a couple of your buttons. What's the point of all that time you spend at the gym if you're not gonna show off the results?"

I guess I have to admit she has a point there. She nods her head in approval when I unfasten the top two buttons of my shirt.

As soon as we step out of the car our ears are assaulted by the booming throb of music emanating from the house at a ridiculous volume.

Jen rolls her eyes at me when I wince involuntarily. "Come on, Aaron. Lighten up a little."

"The music's too damn loud. It doesn't need to be that loud. I ha..."

"I know, I know. You hate parties."

I follow Jen up the red brick walkway to the front door.

When Carolyn opens the door to usher us in the music blasts out into the street.

She greets Jen with a hug then yells something to me that I don't quite catch. I think the gist of it is that the guy she wants me to meet isn't here yet. His name is lost in the throbbing bass.

"Let's go get a drink," Jen suggests, pulling me toward the kitchen.

There are various bottles of booze cluttering every available counter space in the kitchen and more than one sticky puddle on the off-white linoleum floor.

"Here," Jen says, handing me a red plastic cup filled almost to the very top with a red liquid.

"What is it?" I ask her.

"Carolyn's Crazy Party Punch."

"What's in it?"

"What isn't?" Jen laughs. She takes a sip from her own cup.

I take a tentative sip. It's definitely stronger than anything I would drink by choice, but the flavor is pleasant enough.

"Let's go back out there. The party's not in the kitchen," Jen urges.

"But my ears aren't bleeding in here, either," I point out. The music is loud enough that it can't be escaped anywhere in the house, but tucked into the farthest corner of the kitchen with the door closed it's almost tolerable.

"Whatever, weirdo. I'm gonna go talk to people like a normal person."

"Yeah, have fun with that." I wiggle my fingers at my sister as she turns to leave the kitchen.

After ten minutes or so the kitchen door opens.

"There you are, Eric," Carolyn says.

"Aaron," I correct her.

"Right. Aaron. Come on out, I'll introduce you to my friend."

I follow Carolyn into the cacophony of her living room.

When she leads me over to her couch the man sitting on it stands up and my heart stops. The cup slips out of my hand, splashing red punch across the beige carpet. Colby Tieldon?! He's a great deal softer around the middle than when I last saw him and his hairline has already begun to recede despite the fact that, like myself, he's only in his late twenties, but there's no mistaking the asshole who made high school four years of living hell for me. I can still hear him shouting at me across the crowded school cafeteria Hey queerboy, are you hungry? You wanna eat my meat? Jen was wrong. Carolyn is indeed trying to set me up with someone 'nasty-wasty'.

"Shit! I'm sorry. Let me clean that up." I grab my cup from the floor. "Where are your towels?"

"Don't worry about it," Carolyn tells me.

"But the stain..."

"I'll get it taken care of later. Believe me, you're not gonna be the last person to spill your drink on the floor tonight." Carolyn's tone is genuine and her smile is devoid of anger or irritation.

"I'm sorry."

"I said don't worry about it, Aaron. Anyway, let me introduce you guys. Aaron, this is Colby. Colby, this is Aaron."

If I turn and walk away right now (which I desperately want to do) I would feel obligated to explain my behavior to Carolyn, and that's something I would prefer to avoid.

"It's nice to meet you, Aaron," Colby murmurs after several lengthy moments. He glances down at the mess I've made on the carpet, but not before I register recognition in his hazel-gold eyes. He seems as reluctant as I am myself to admit to Carolyn that we already know each other. "Here, I'll go get you another cup."

"You don't need to do that."

"I'll be right back." He gives me an uncertain little smile, so dissimilar from the mocking sneer I had become accustomed to seeing on his face.

As much as I want to just slink away, find my sister and tell her that we have to leave now, I discover that I am for some reason unable to do so.

"Let's go outside where we can actually talk," Colby suggests when he returns from the kitchen with a plastic cup for each of us. "I can't handle this loud music."

I'm not sure why I follow him out the back door, but I do. I perch on one of the uncomfortable wrought iron deck chairs and stare out over Carolyn's swimming pool, determined not to look my old tormentor in the eye.

"So, how have you been?" Colby questions. His tone is uncertain and he is staring down at his hands, just as reluctant to look at me as I am to look at him.

I stand up from my chair. "Look, this is a...I...I can't do this."

"Aaron, wait. Please." Something in his inflection causes me to turn around, one hand on the knob of the back door.

"What?" I snap the question out with a bit more venom than I had intended. "You think I want to sit here and talk to you? You think I want to have anything to do with you? You completely ruined high school for me, Colby!" The truth is that at the time it had felt as though he'd ruined my whole life, but in the years that have passed since then I've made up my mind that I refuse to give some homophobic douchebag jock from high school that kind of power over me.

"I know," he whispers behind me as I turn back toward the door. "I hated you, you know."

I spin around again with a movement abrupt enough to cause some of the punch to splash out of my cup.

"You hated me?!"

"I hated you because you made me hate myself."

"I what? How did I...I never did anything to you!"

"I...Aaron, I had a crush on you." His voice cracks and he pauses to swallow several times as though fighting back tears. "I always had a crush on you, and I was terrified my buddies would find out and rake me across the coals for it. That's why I bullied you and tore you down like that."

"So...you actually wanted me to eat your meat?" I glance at him over the rim of my cup while I sip at my drink, enjoying his obvious discomfiture.

"I was scared of the way I felt and I wasn't ready to face it or admit it at the time."

"That's not..."

"I know it's not an excuse," he interrupts me, holding up one hand to stop my tirade. "I know there's no excuse for the way I treated you and I probably don't deserve your forgiveness, but I wanted to tell you how ashamed I am and that I really am sorry. And I...I guess I wanted...needed to tell you the truth."

I could walk away right now without a word. Part of me thinks that's what he deserves.

"I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you," I admit as I lower myself back down onto the deck chair. "But I can't leave you sitting out here crying by yourself."

"I'm not crying." Colby swipes at the tears sliding down his cheeks with the back of his hand and takes a gulp of his drink.

"Yes you are, and that's okay. You just got a lot off your chest. It...it took a lot of guts to tell me what you just told me, and I appreciate it."

"I know I hurt you, Aaron."

"Yeah, you did. You destroyed my self-esteem and it took me a really really long time to get over that." I can feel tears stinging in my own eyes now.

"I know. I'm sorry. And I know 'sorry' doesn't cut it, but I am sorry. Really."

"Thank you."

"Maybe...maybe we could start over? I mean, I know we can't pretend that high school never happened, but couldn't we move past it? I'm...I'm not that kid anymore."

Can I do that? I muse to myself. Am I even willing to try?

Part of me wonders if this is some cruel, elaborate prank that Colby's pulling on me. There is, however, not so much as a hint of malicious intent in his pleading honey-brown eyes.

"We could give it a shot," I concede.

We spend the next two or three hours talking and getting to know each other. I am somewhat surprised to learn that we actually have quite a lot in common as far as taste in movies and music and our worldviews.

The back door opens and Jen peeks around it.

"There you are, Aaron. I've been looking for you. You ready to go?"

"What, you couldn't find any guys to hook up with?" I tease her. She shoots me her middle finger.

When Colby lets out a snort of laughter Jen glances at him, then back at me.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I didn't know you were out here with someone."

"No, it's okay," Colby assures her, glancing at his watch. "It's getting late. I should be heading out too."

As Colby and I stand up from our chairs I introduce him to my sister. Six years my senior, she was already out of the house when I started high school and was therefore not aware of what I went through. I never told her out of shame. The positive side of this is that I can introduce her to Colby without her harboring any bias against him.

"Wait," Colby calls after me as I turn to follow Jen. "Can I...can I maybe give you my number?"

I hand my phone to him and he types his phone number into my contacts. It is not lost on me that by offering me his number instead of asking me for mine he is giving me the power of choice. I can call him if I want, or I can delete his number. It's all up to me.

"That looked like it was going well," Jen comments with a smile as she slides in behind the wheel of her car.

I return her smile. "Yeah, a lot better than I thought it would, actually."

I wake up late and roll out of bed to fix a pot of coffee for myself. It had taken a long time to fall asleep last night after Jen dropped me off at home, as my mind had been busy turning over the past and the possible future.

I turn my phone on and wait for it to boot up. Once it does I find Colby T. in my contacts and start a text message.

Hi, this is Aaron. You can add my number to your contacts if you want.

He replies almost instantly with a smiley face emoji.

A minute or two later I receive a second text from him.

Are you free tonight?

I only hesitate long enough to take a sip of coffee before I respond.

Yes.