And yet he waits

She was an elusive one. It had been almost 10 years and yet Ben couldn't get a hold of her. The her in question was, of course, his mother. His beloved and yet spitefully hated mother. She had left when Ben was just a boy, around 8 in age, and left him with his father. A timid man who couldn’t protest over the leaving of his wife even if he wanted to. Ben’s attitude had always juxtaposed the influence that his single father had on him growing up. Whereas his father was humble and bashful, Ben was unashamed and proud. It led to more than a few conflicts over the years, but the one thing they both agreed on was how much Ben’s mother had swindled them. She left with almost all their savings, leaving them nothing but a note. A pitiful note. In her true nature, she wrote to her son “ I’m sorry my love but as your father knows I can’t stay in one place for too long. I am a disciple of the wind.”Leaving them with not even a hint to go off of. But such is life, one moment you have your footing and know exactly where you are in time, and the next you're swept off your feet by the masterful stealth of fate.No matter how true the rhetoric was, however, Ben never agreed with it. He stood up his head defiantly at the notion of a predetermined destiny, such as one should if one were to ever break expectations. 

In his younger years, Ben held onto the hope of his mother’s return. His thinking was that her return could in and of itself make up for all the lost years. Better late than never, he would think to himself. But as he got older and the insensitiveness of the world became more apparent to him, he came to realize that his mother wasn’t enough. That her sought-after arrival wouldn't fix the years of longing and suffering that both he and his father had endured. And so, Ben held onto a new mantra, to thrive despite her disappearance so that one day when she did return, and Ben felt as if she just had to, He could flaunt his success in her hopefully destitute eyes, and leave her alone with nothing but regret. Of course, his plan never came to be fully realized as yes, he was a teen whose intelligence shone through his work, but his mother never showed her face. So Ben decided to go and look for the mystical beast that had evaded him all these years. He didn’t just dive in headfirst, however, no he had a plan. First, he would go and contact his mother's side of the family, then his mother’s last known friends, and if all else failed he would pick up from where the trail was last hot. The plan, of course, wasn’t one of Ben’s inventions as his father had tried it many times before, but Ben was a different man from his father and his view could garner new and useful evidence. Or at least that’s what Ben told himself. 

His mother’s side of the family was strict with upturned noses at society. Prudence was their God and with their plain, downturned faces they sang its worship. The disappearance of their mother served as an excuse not to visit the more puritanical side of his family, but Ben knew that if he ever wanted to see his mother’s pitiful face, they were his best bet.

The next day Ben took the all but long journey to his grandparents’ house. As he entered their lane he noticed something odd about their house in contrast to the others. The wood framing the house was old and on the verge of rotting. A couple of the windows were boarded up and the lone car that sat in the front of the house looked as if it had belonged to the junkyard. The lawn was dingy and plants grew wildly aiming their unkempt roots and petals toward the promising sun. Ben assumed that the house was abandoned as he couldn’t fathom how someone could live in these conditions, but before he turned around to go home he heard a voice call out to him from the side of the house “ Hey kid,” the voice grumbled “what do you think you’re doing on my property. “ Eventually the figure appeared in Ben’s range of view and he could see an old man with a hunched over back and a limp, probably from years of manual labor, and thick red hair untouched by the specter of aging. It was Ben’s grandfather, older albeit the last time Ben had seen him, but he still carried that recognizable plain and sour face. “Grandpa,” Ben said with a touch of formality to his voice “It’s me Ben Kawsley” Ben fumbled with his hands. He knew that his grandfather was his best bet at finding his mother and if the old coot was too uninterested to waste time with a grandson that hadn’t visited him in years, then that would mean his already short list of leads would be cut down into half. 

“Ben!” The old man cheered enthusiastically“ It’s been too long my son, I hardly could recognize you. What brings you over to my corner of the world.” Ben was taken aback by his joyful response. His clearest memories of his grandfather pictured him as a stoic man, one who kept his emotions to himself and buried his feelings towards others deep. But it was as if his grandfather had been replaced by a clone of himself. Never did he respond so joyously to the arrival of family or guests. Ben composed himself and answered concisely “ I’m here to look for my mom. I was wondering if you had any leads on her whereabouts from the last few years.” Ben’s Grandfather’s sunny disposition then turned gloomy” Your mom eh, yeah I can tell you about your mom but there is something I need to explain before I do. Here, come into the house with me. We’ll have biscuits and talk to each other. “ Ben despised pleasantries and small talk, especially at that moment when he was looking for important information. But he decided not to test his luck with the old man and walked quietly into the house.

As they sat down at the primordial coffee table, Ben’s grandfather let out a large sigh as if the weight of what he was about to say was pushing down on his shoulders. “ Before we delve into your mother’s whereabouts I’d like to discuss what her disappearance has done to me.” The grandfather looked down at his lap and then stared back up at some invisible presence, perhaps it being one of his daughter. Finally, he collapsed, his shoulders once tense now relaxed and his plain sour face took a new form, one of reconciliation. “ Your mother left shortly after the death of my wife. It was like rubbing salt on an unhealed wound. I withdrew myself from the world. But eventually, just as all things must, I began to heal. What helped me through this process was recognizing the power of emotions'' Ben tried to contain a smirk.” I don’t see how knowing the supposed power of emotions can help someone overcome grief.” The grandfather gave out a disappointed sigh before answering “ You have known me for most of your life as a private man, one who bubbled up his feelings instead of actually analyzing and understanding them. I had so much pent-up misery that I didn’t know what to do with myself. When your mother left it was as if the floodgates had broken open. I was finally facing and confronting all these emotions and I felt… free.” 

Ben gave a confused look “ This is great for you grandpa, but what does this have to do with me finding my mother.” The grandfather gave off a sad smile, one that was full of empathy, to Ben “I fear that your intentions to find your mother aren't pure and in the end, they will only hurt you” Ben scowled “ You have no idea what I want to see my mother for, so don’t act like you do” The grandfather gave out a sympathetic look “ Ben although I haven’t seen you in a while, I know you enough to know that you’re looking for revenge, a chance to gloat at your mother. And yet, I fear that in finding her not only will you not accomplish these tasks, but you’ll also find yourself more lost and confused than you did before.” Ben gave off a cold laugh “ Confused? I know exactly what I want from her and meeting her won’t change any of that. Now, will you just give me a damn lead on where she is!” 

The grandfather set down his biscuits and stared out the visible corner of the boarded-up window” Your mother has recently come in contact with me, however-” Ben rapidly stood up, the old coffee table creaking at the change in the environment “ She contacted you and you didn’t tell any of us! Your a selfish old man and I hope you know that!” Ben’s voice was teeming with animosity as the old man simply sighed, the weight on his shoulders becoming more and more apparent “ I didn’t say anything because it wasn’t good news” “ Well what was it!” Ben was pacing back and forth across the room. His grandfather slowly stood up and steadied his arms on him” She gave me her address.” Ben jumped back from the old man. Disbelief and wonder were apparent in his eyes. A spark of hope and coveting for his mother were inflamed in his heart but were quickly doused out by his stubbornness and malice. “ Tell me where she is,” Ben demanded. The grandfather looked at him and pleaded with his eyes “ Son, you are holding in a lot of emotions towards your mother and I believe that the best bet for you would be to explore and uncover those feelings before you go and meet her. If not I fear that the person you will end up hurting the most will be you.” Ben rolled his eyes.” I don’t want to hear any more of your bullshit on emotions old man. I need to see her. I need… I need to prove her wrong.” The grandfather could sense the desperateness building up in his grandson’s voice and he caved. “ Downtown Mulberry apartment complexes 2nd-floor the first apartment to your right. She didn’t tell me much other than the address.” Ben ran out of the house with not so much as a thank you passing his lips and went straight to his car. He needed to prove her wrong and he had to do it now.

As Ben made his trip to the apartment complex, he came up with ideas of all the things he should say to his mother. How he should go on about the scholarships that he had earned, how he should mention the beautiful girlfriend that he had, how he should bring up the established university he was going to attend. All these accomplishments, all the successes in his life that he was able to achieve without a single bit of help from her. But there was more. He wanted to mention all the nights that he cried because of her absence, all the days where he would sit and wait by his front door just in case she made an appearance. But he couldn’t do that. He could only show how strong her disappearance had made him be and not the crippling weakness that had plagued him every day since she was gone.

Before he knew it, Ben had arrived at the Mulberry apartment complexes with his whole oration thought out and ready to perform in front of his mother. He was about to open the door to the car when a pressing thought at the back of his mind told him to stop. Usually, he wouldn’t listen to these voices as he deemed them to be barriers to progress, but today was different, and so he sat in his car, parked in front of the playground, and just watched. He wasn't watching anyone in particular in fact, you could barely call it watching as his mind was elsewhere. He was floating from his car, floating from his mature body and back into the body of an 8-year-old. An 8 year old whose mom just left them without a goodbye and whose whole world seemed on the verge of collapse. And then he was back, albeit confused to what brought him back until he saw a familiar woman with bright red hair and eyes as green as Ben's own, holding a child who looked almost identical to her. At first, Ben did nothing but stare at the two of them, but eventually, a chuckle fell from his lips and from a chuckle a laugh and a laugh into a boisterous howl that continued to go on until the mother and daughter left the park. After that Ben just sat there and waited. For what, who knows . Maybe he was waiting for the cruel irony that is fate to come down and explain to him what just happened . But no one came, and so he still waits.