Emotional Intelligence precedes Understanding

TW: Contains themes of abuse and trauma

I was once in a predicament. Years ago, I made the difficult decision to leave Austria and move to another continent. This decision was mostly but not entirely based on my abusive family and my insanely mentally, physically and sexually abusive mother. I know dear reader this is a concept which is difficult to grasp. Yet, this is a tiny part of the story of my past. Today I live in today only. I rarely look back. My mother, well the women who gave birth to my half siblings and me was a mentally defective woman. Who knows what had happened to her as a child. However, she hated all of her children and abused all of us. My older brother, Roman, committed suicide. He was my mother's first child. His father ended up divorcing my mom and marrying her sister. Indeed, my brother had a stepmom and aunty in one person.

This is the dysfunction of the family insanity which I have experienced. My father married a woman who could have been my sister. She was too young for my father, and she was greedy. Yup, that is my stepmom. All she wanted was my dad’s property. Perhaps my dad would have made better decisions had he been sober. My father was a raging alcoholic and just could not get it right.

The rest of the family were extremely selfish people. They did nothing to help me during my mother's mistreatment. These individuals were aware that my mother would tie me to the bed at night before going out dancing. Instead of letting me go to my grandmother for the night she decided to keep me at home. No matter how much I begged to stay at my grannie’s house. I still have a photo of me as a small child which shows the red swollen wrists, I suffered from her tying me to the bed posts. It’s sad that someone can do this to an innocent child. There are many additional incidents. One time my mother threw a plate at me, which hit me on the back of my head cutting it two inches open. The visit to the doctor was another nightmare. My mother force me to lie about the incident. She threatened to hurt me worse if I tell what had happened. Her threads were horrific, and she never stopped. My mother was by far the most miserable women I have ever met. I begged in prayer for help and the help never came My last words in prayer always were: Why me? I just don't understand."

At age twenty-six, I was consuming a significant amount of alcohol and had minimal feelings. It helped me to cope with fear, anxiety, uncertainty and the selfishness and unkindness of people. I drank to stop feeling and other days I drank to feel. I also decided to run away from Austria. I escaped to the USA. In my early years in Hollywood, I experienced a lack of organization and worked hard to navigate multiple industries. My prayers continued and the end of the prayer was the same: "Why me? I don't understand."

I met some nice Swedish girls who helped me a lot in these early years in the United States. They took me in and gave me a sense of community and friendship. All of us drank and partied a lot at that time of our lives. Unfortunately, over time I have lost contact with these girls. We all moved to different areas and lived different live styles. I continued with my search for good work and education. My goal was to create a peaceful life while working a job which I enjoy doing.

This brings me to the point of the story where I worked for a doctor in Beverly Hills. I really enjoyed working at the office. After a while I considered going to nursing school. The doctor, selfish and arrogant, hindered my progress. Understanding human nature, I realized his greed and my anger were an unhealthy combination. My best thinking was to stay working for his office as long as I could and leave when the opportunity arrived for me to leave. Despite his rude comments, I pursued my higher education. My prayers continued along the same lines with the one difference I began saying: "Thank you for the opportunities."

I continued to go to college and graduated with a Bachelor in English and went to Harvard Law School. I quit the job in the doctor’s office and focused on my education. In those years of my studies, I had learned how important it is to keep all relationships in good standing and establish healthy boundaries with others.

Years went by and I heard that the doctor had closed his office to stay home with his family. He had inherited millions of dollars and had no reason to go to work. After I had left the office, the staff expressed dissatisfaction and created challenges for the doctor. Several staff members hired attorneys, won their cases, and received monetary compensation. The doctor’s arrogance and abusive tactics came to an abrupt halt. The doctor was used to dealing with people who were at a disadvantage. The doctor found himself in a legal case that his attorney couldn't resolve outside of court.

The doctor was put on trial, and I was assigned to prosecute. A real estate agent, who was the doctor's business partner, claimed the doctor was verbally abusive, sexist, and hindered her career advancement. The doctor provided false information about my client to a company where they interviewed. At this point it was many years ago that I had worked for that doctor. Nonetheless, I proceeded to converse with the judge assigned to this case regarding possible conflict of interest. What the judge said next came as a complete surprise. The statute of limitations is not applicable to this case. Regarding conflict of interest, it's really also non applicable. Oh well I would say the universe worked on your behalf. After all the suffering that man has caused others, you are put into this position by the universe to make it right.”

The trial lasted for two months. Many witnesses were discovered and came forward during the beginning stages of the trial. This man abused his right as a free citizen, doctor, business owner, son, husband, father, and friend. He made enemies out of the majority of people who he met. He displayed traits of arrogance, entitlement, selfishness, and immorality, and was open about his indifferent attitude. The case was concluded, and the day came for me to make my closing statement.

"This victory is for everyone, including myself, not just his business partner," I began as I approached the jury stand. I looked at the jurors and took a deep breath then began my closing statement: “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Harassment fundamentally involves the insensitivity that permits an individual to exploit another person's vulnerabilities. It is unethical and morally wrong. Secondly adding insult to injury, treating another as though they do not have the right to freedom and peace within their own life outside of business is inconceivable evil. Assuming someone must like the abuse because they stay in a job is presumptuous. The evidence suggests that this is not the truth; otherwise, we would not be here today. I finally comprehend the universal law of retribution and what we resist will persist.”

I approached the judge saying “I learned so much in these past few months. Thank you for this opportunity judge.” I walked over to the defense council, looked at the doctor on the prosecution stand, and said, "I understand." Do you?”

The doctor looked at me with disbelief and said: " Why me? I don't understand."