Murky Water

I enjoy my work so much that I can say: “This is not work to me it is my passion and calling and it seems like I play all day.” Nobody at my jobs, knows until this day, how much I have struggled in my past. I was given no tools, never had parental guidance or support and I always had to make it work, on my own. For most of my first forty years of life I was drinking and doing drugs in order not to feel the loneliness and heartache. In my recovery, I developed true gratitude and insight into people, places and things.

Sometimes, I can see the questioning faces when I make a statement about a person, place or thing and the statements become reality. “How do you do that,” Vee, a coworker and friend asked me one day. I explained that my recovery and new life gave me back my healthy intuition. I said: “I simply make an observation and thereafter apply my tools to the situation. One more thing to know is that I am spiritual, and I work on a form of craft.” Vee replied: “Well its just spooky how you can make a statement about pretty much anything and then it takes place. I am sort of jealous about this.” I explained to Vee that she can also bring her intuition to life if she is working on her sobriety. I explained: “When we recover our connection with our self, anything is possible.” Vee just looked at me and shook her head, then she walked away and said: “I am jealous, and I am jealous. You are almost sixty and it is unbelievable that someone your age can look so good and is physically so fit.” This language was unusual for Vee. I replied: “Well Love you can do the same and we all are beautiful just the way we are. We all have our own beauty, talents and gifts and we must focus on ourselves instead of wanting what others have. You know Vee this is an extremely unusual conversation and you do not seem to be your self today.” From this interaction forward, Vee became increasingly difficult. We, my coworkers and I, all observed and experienced her rude and manipulative behavior, like pushing people by accident, coming late to shift and interfering with her coworker’s mental wellbeing by gossiping about them and others. Vee became a person nobody wanted around.

This went on for several weeks until it came to a boiling point. Vee, who lived with her father was asked by him to move out. Vee’s father said:” I am an old peaceful man, and I just had enough of your erratic behavior. You have become problematic, and you lie and do things to hurt others. It is time that you begin working on yourself. Whenever you come around, I feel you are not alone in your body, and you carry somebody or something dark with you. Like some dark form of energy. You are my daughter, but I feel like you are possessed by a demon. First you were using drugs and you exhibited questionable behavior. Then you get sober and recover and I let you move in, only to discover that you have not changed a bit. You must leave today and not come back at all. I feel the dark presence of whatever, each time you enter the house.Vee planned and stayed with one of her girlfriend  who also asked her to move rather quickly. At work Vee, told us, her co-workers how her father was abusive to her and her dog, how her girlfriend could have helped her for longer and refused, and how her new boyfriend made a last-minute decision not to move in with her. One morning when Vee came to work and began her tirades of speaking about other co-workers, her boyfriend and her father, I could not hold back and said: “Enough I had enough this must stop.”

Vee looked at me with big, dark eyes, smiled and said: “What? I am not allowed to talk.” My reply came automatic: “Absolutely you can just not about people who are not present and that my dear is just common sense. I was wondering if you had some time to speak for me at a private facility. Let’s say next Thursday. There is a female client who I want you to meet.” Vee replied: “You sound like my mother and my mother died on cancer. Worse death I have ever seen, and I saw a lot.”

Vee walked away looking at the office window and I was able to feel the dark, heavy energy in the room. It felt like heavy pressure and a shortage of oxygen so that I had a difficult time taking a breath. I felt heavy gravity pressing down on my body and all I wanted was to walk out of the room. Vee investigated the other direction, but I was able to see in the office window a smirk on her face. I felt that this behavior was very unsettling. I thought to myself that Vee had changed and that she was like a completely different person from who we met months ago. This is no longer the smiling, lighthearted Vee, the girl who helped others.

There was a feeling I was not able to shake off and I began to investigate about prior encounters Vee had with previous co-workers, friends and even with her sister who lives in Washington state. I was told that Vee had a “dark side” by most people who I interviewed. Her sister on the other hand was able to provide thorough feedback and what I heard was extremely disconcerting. Vee used to have problems being short tempered and she had assaulted her sister and father. However, both conclude that it must have been the drugs Vee used and simply removed themselves from Vee.  Thereafter when Vee recovered and reconnected with father and sister they both were more than happy to help her out. However, the sister discovered that this was not such a good idea. The sister told me that Vee who was sober, exhibited the same behavior patterns as while she was using.

Her sister told me: “Vee lies and manipulates and has no remorse doing so. She has not changed even a bit. She is now sober but for whatever reason she is worse than before. She is mentally, physically and emotionally abusive to people. Vee does not take responsibility for her actions she blames it on others.” Vee’s sister and I decided to perform an intervention and have Vee come to the private rehab as a client.

It was on a Sunday shortly after Vee’s sister and I had this conversation that I window of opportunity opened and we both were able to have a soul-to-soul conversation with Vee. We took her to lunch. Vee was in an exceptional good mood that day and her sister and I asked Vee if she would be willing to take a thirty day break from work and come with me to the private facility. Surprisingly, Vee agrees without hesitation. While speaking to her I could see the light in Vee’s eyes. Something was different about her that day. Little did I know that this would change for the worse in just a short while.

Vee’s siter and I went with her to her home and packed belongings for thirty days. Vee said goodbye to her sister, and I drove her off to Eden, the private rehab facility. Upon entering, Vee’s body posture turned stiff, and her eyes became dark.

We walked into the facility to do the intake without any problems and thereafter went to her room. I introduced Vee to her roommate, Spirit and American Native woman and we sat down and had a conversation. Suddenly the door to the closet opened and slammed shut again. Spirit got up and said: “What have you brought with you to this house. We must get rid of it. You brought something dark, and I do not want it in this room.” Vee once again had that smirk on her face and starred and Spirit. I intervened and said to both women: “Well we all have a dark side, don’t we and we all can work to get well and invite our light to shine bright. Please do not let this discourage you from moving forward in a loving and kind way. Now I will leave you ladies and hope that you can work with each other. Staff is outside and if anything comes up, please advise staff.”

The next morning, I received a phone call from Karama who works as night staff at the recovery center. Karama said: “We had a hell of a night and Vee is really something. Spirit was not happy and went to sleep in the living room, she said that Vee’s bed moved and that the closet door opened and shut, all by itself last night. Spirit said that Vee brought a dark entity to the house.” I advised Karama to stay positive and said: “I will bring Sage and smudge the house.” Karama was happy with this answer. “Yea I had experiences like this in the past. I am not worried, but Spirit is not happy at all. She said that she will leave if this happens again.”

When I arrived at the house, it was quiet. Vee sat on the couch in the living room, shoulders slumped forward, her head tilted to the side starring straight at me as I walked inside the front door. There was something unsettling about her stare. I had to walk up closer and look into her eyes. I said: “Good morning, Vee,” no reply just a blank stare. Her eyes were deep, dark, no pupils showing, and I felt like I was looking into deep black holes. Once more I said: “Vee, good morning,” again no reply just that blank stare and slowly Vee moved the ankles of her mouth into smirk, got up robotically and went to the room she shared with Spirit.

Karama advised me that Spirit was packing and already had called a taxi. Karama said: “You must go to the koi pond since last night the water got foggy, and we cannot even see the fishes. Also, the plant next to the patio door has this foul odor so I looked. It was soaked in water and the water was foul.” This is when Spirit came to the living room, she walked out of her room carrying two large duffle bags and said: “I will not stay in this house for another day. Vee is possessed there is something wrong with her and I hope all can figure it out. This one is bringing something with her wherever she goes. Maybe something is following her, and it is not something nice. That’s for sure. But my taxi is here so I am out of here and will catch all of you later.”

Spirit left in a hurry, and I went to Vee’s room. Vee was lying on her bed starring at the ceiling. Upon entering I announced myself: “Vee, its me lets talk.” She did not reply, and I saw her bed move lightly. As I looked onto the floor by her bed, I saw marks looking like someone had dragged the bed five inches across the floor.

I commanded Vee to get up and walk with me outside to the front under the big Walnut tree. Vee robotically got up and followed me to the front door. As we approached the door opened like it was pulled pen by an invisible hand. Vee walked past me and down the stairs to the walnut tree. She stood still, starring at me and it looked like she was starring through me. I walked down the stairs and close to Vee and said: “Walnuts are a symbol of wisdom and discernment and I asked you to walk with me because I want you to stay and the darkness within you to leave. I am asking the walnut tree to shake, its leaves and fruit and its shadow to expel the darkness which you carry. The juglone of the tree poison the darkness and make it crumble, help Vee to fight off the possessive darkness within and outside of her. Earth of the tree suck in the dark energy and prove to me by cracking the earth that this has been completed and defeated.” I stood still and now returned to the blank stare of Vee, and I saw tears stream down her cheeks, but Vee made not one sound. Then about three minutes later, Vee, let out an excruciating loud scream, she was pulling her hair, shaking her head violently from left to right and saliva was coming out of the sides of her mouth.

Then, the same way Vee had started to scream, she stopped. Eyes closed, tremoring, head tilted forward she mumbled: “Is it over? Is it gone? What happened? I feel cold.” I walked up to Vee and calmly replied: “I love you Vee and welcome to recovery. Your recovery it time to search for your self and figure out who you are and who you want to be in this life.” Suddenly a strong wind came out of nowhere and the walnut tree shook all its branches and walnuts fell all around us like hail. Vee and I looked at each other and I saw a light in her eyes that I had not seen before. We both smiled.

As I walked Vee back to the entrance of the house I looked back to the bottom of the tree, there were several large cracks and out of the cracks came fog a thick white fog. This fog moved in linear fashion down the driveway and disappeared under the gate. I looked up, toward the blue sky and just mumbled so Vee could not hear me:” Thank you.” Vee and I entered the house and went to her room. I tugged Vee and brought her a cup of tea, she said: “This feels great, thank you. Let’s talk tomorrow because I feel like sleeping for a long time. It’s so weird that I am confused plus I have no idea how I got here. But I feel safe and that matters. Let’s talk later about the things we both need to know.” I slightly tilted my head to the right, smilingly looked at Vee and said: “I am so glad that you are back and just take your time. We talk.”