Dear April

Dear April

Valentine’s Day

1981

Dear April, 

The moment I saw you, I knew you were the one. Since the moment I met you, I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of you. You’re perfect. All I have done since I met you is dream of you. Ever since you left, I’ve been counting down the days until I can see you again.

My dear April, once you’re back, we can have the life we always wanted. The life we were meant to have. 

February 15

1981

Dear April,

You’re finally back. I’ve missed you. It’s Monday, which means we have class. You sit behind me, yet you rarely look at me. I guess it’s no big deal. You’ve been busy with your studies so you could get into the college you want. Don’t worry, April. I understand. 

You walked down the hall with your head down. You passed a group of girls, who looked at you and laughed. You tried to ignore them, but I knew deep down it hurt you. You were a sensitive girl. I liked that about you. You went to class and just for a second, our eyes locked. But you quickly looked away and sat down. I wanted you to notice me. But, just like everyday, you didn’t. 

But that didn’t stop me from loving you. You’re all I have. 

February 16

1981

Dear April, 

I’m sorry for what you went through today. Your boyfriend is a bad person. You have to stop taking him back every time. I can’t stand watching you upset. 

It happened at the cafe. You go there every day after school to study or work on projects. You sat in your usual spot, when he came up to you. He sat down next to you and started talking. The more he talked, the more upset you became. Until finally, you snapped. You left, sobbing with your head in your hands. I knew right then and there he broke up with you. 

I’m so sorry, April. I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve comforted you. But don’t worry. We’ll be together very soon. 

February 17

1981

Dear April,

Today I followed you home. After what happened yesterday, I had to make sure you were safe. You’re still hung up over him. You’re thinking of taking him back. Don’t. He’ll only break your heart. Again. He’s not worth it. Forget about him and live your life with me. You’re better off that way. You deserve better. I can give you what you deserve, April. Don’t be afraid to give real love a chance. 

But not yet. Soon, but not yet. There’s something I have to do first. I’m sorry, April, but this is for you. For us. After this, we’ll be together. Just like it was meant to be. 

February 27

1981

Dear April, 

I’m sorry I haven’t written to you. Well, not directly to you, but that’s what it feels like. One day, I hope I can read all this to you. I know it’ll make you very happy to know I was always thinking about you. 

You still haven’t noticed me. Why? Don’t you know what you mean to me, April? I need you. I love you. I should have you. Not him. You are mine, April. Only mine. 

I know. I know. You’re going to college soon, and you need to focus on studying and getting your grades up. But I’m here, April. I’m always here for you. During your highs and your lows. I will never leave you, April. I’m not like him. 

He got in the way of us. He didn’t let us be happy. I did what I had to do. I got rid of him. Maybe now you’ll notice me. Now that he’s gone, we can be together. Just like we always wanted. 

February 28

1981

Dear April,

You finally spoke to me. I still remember the sound of your voice. It’s beautiful. Such a shame no one will ever hear it again. 

Your eyes. Bluer than the ocean. Mesmerizing. Just like you. Such a shame no one will ever look into them again. 

Your heart. The one that belongs to me. Just like you. Such a shame it won’t beat again. 

March 1

1981

Dear April, 

Do you remember when I plunged the knife in your chest? You looked at me, those big, beautiful eyes turned stone cold. It was the only way, April. The only way you would be with me forever. It was the best yet worst day of my life. I would keep you. But I would never see your smile. Hear your voice. But that doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that you’re with me and I’m with you. 

March 2

1981

Dear April,

I remember the very first time I saw you. You didn’t know me, but I knew you. And I knew we were meant to be together. 

It was too late. I had fallen for you. I needed you to notice me. So, I started following you home. Just to make sure you made it safely. At least…at first. But then, I found myself following you everywhere. To school. To the coffee shop. Even to your friend’s house. I couldn’t be without you. I needed you. 

It must’ve hurt so much, April, and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to be with you. I would’ve done anything for you. I would’ve killed for you. I would’ve died for you. 

For the first few days after, I always kept you close. I came to you for advice when I needed you, and you were always there. You never turned away even though I hurt you. 

I still remember the single streak of crimson blood sliding down your body. I never thought I would hurt the one I love, but if I can’t have you, no one can. 

That’s why I have to do this, April. I have to go. No one can know about this. About us. This may be the last time I see you. These past seven months with you were the best seven months of my life. And yes, we made mistakes. We hurt each other. But in the end, we will always be together. 

I love you, April. Always and forever. Forever and always. 

March 3

Dear April,

Today is the day. I know I promised you I would never leave, but I need to, April. I hope you understand. I want to thank you before I go. For always being the light when I was in the dark. 

Remember the lake we used to go to, April? You loved it there. I walked across the bridge for the last time, before jumping in the lake. I hope you understand, April. Why I did what I did. It was all for you. I would kill for you. I would die for you. But if I can’t have you, then no one can.