A Breeze

Do you feel the breeze? It reminds me of you. Not because you were cold yourself - no! But because I felt it when we first met. 

I had recently moved to London for my placement year. Living here had always been my dream and I had finally come true. Even if I was staying just for a year. I rented a flat in Canary Wharf. It was a rather small flat but it had a big window with a view over the city. Seeing everything so little in the distance, made me feel big, like I actually matter. I loved London's architecture. I look at history as I walk down the street yet I see the future right there in front of me.

I loved the job I had. The office was close to my flat so I could walk to there and back. I loved my colleagues, the only issue was that they were much older than me. I didn't have any friends in the city, no relatives either. At first I used to go out and explore the magic of it by myself. I loved to roam around the galleries and the museums, learning about past, about art, science. I visited most of the tourist’s places. I read a lot of books in my free time. But that wasn't enough for me. What I needed was a friend. So I got on dating apps.

Nowadays everyone is swiping. And so did I. I matched with a few people, we talked but it never got to meeting. And then we matched. We started talking. You were so much fun. You had moved to London after university just the year before. You weren't a local but you said you knew some nice places. That was enough for me. We had discussed that we were both searching for friends and nothing more would come out of it. So I said yes when you asked me out.

We arranged to meet near Borough Market. This place was a gathering point of world cuisine. It had easily turned into one of my favourites so I knew my way around. I arrived first. I had never met with a stranger from the internet before. I was lightly shivering like a leaf blown by the breeze while I was waiting for you. And then I got a notification on my phone. I took it out of the pocket of my coat and it was a message from you ‘I’m here. Where are you?’

And my response 'I’m here. Where are YOU?’ 

Then I saw you emerge from the corner. I felt like a current went through my whole body as I watched you walk towards me, keeping eye contact. You had a warm smile, as if you were welcoming me into your life. ‘Hey!’ that was the first word you said to me. So I said it back. 

We were standing there silently for a second analysing each other until I broke the silence and said ‘So? Where to?’

‘I know a coffee place nearby. Do you want to go there?’

‘Sure. You lead!’

And that is how it all started. 

I was walking right beside you, listening to the way you talk, watching your walk, and making conversation in the meantime. Your posture exuded confidence, I liked that about you. We got to our destination quickly. It was a five-minute walk from where we met. The café was at the Southwark Cathedral. It was a fairly small building and so was the café. I loved the strong smell of coffee and the warmth that the interior emanated. I got an Americano and a chocolate twist to go with it. You as a non-coffee drinker got a hot chocolate with a croissant. We spent our time there in a lively conversation. I learned you had a younger sister, your first dog’s name, what your favourite colour is and things of that sort. While you were telling me all this I was studying your face. Your light brown curly hair falling gently over your forehead and your brown eyes with hints of honey looking directly at mine while your lips were making different shapes, letting words come out. Your dimples when a smile appeared on your face. I noticed the little spot of hot chocolate on the side of your mouth, but I didn't want to mention it out of fear that I would interrupt the flow of words between us. I was talking too of course. About my family, my first dog and my favourite colour… We got comfortable with each other by the minute. 

After we finished our drinks and our food we got out of the cafe and started walking towards the London Eye. You pushed me slightly with your shoulder while we were walking and that was the first time we touched. I felt myself blush in the cold. I looked at the grin on your face and pushed you too. ‘I've got an idea. I’ll take you somewhere, come.’ you said laughing. 

So I followed you. As we were making our way through the crowd at the London Eye, I almost lost you, but you gave me your hand, I caught it and immediately after we got to a less crowded area you let me go. It felt so natural having your hand in mine for the short time holding it. We were getting close to Westminster Bridge when you asked ‘Have you gone through the tunnel?’

‘No? What tunnel?'

‘I’ll take you to a place where you can take the best pictures with Big Ben in the background. Be prepared for the smell though. It's musty.’

I trusted you and kept walking. As we went under the bridge I understood why you warned me about the smell. It really did smell bad making me hold my breath until we got to the other side. And just there was the location you mentioned. It made the clock the perfect background. “Do you want me to take a picture of you?” You asked pushing me with your shoulder.

‘No, I’ll be alright, thanks’ I said giving you a push back.

We continued to walk along the river. Surprisingly I had never been on that side of the bridge. This area was completely new to me so as we were walking I just kept looking around. I believe you noticed that and suggested we sit on a bench with a view to the Palace of Westminster. 

This was the first chance we got to sit by each other. Having you sit so close to me felt just right.

‘What would happen if I push you in the river?’ I asked after a moment of silence.

‘I’ll take you with me.’ you said almost immediately with a smile

‘Is that so?’ I raised my eyebrows. ‘And how are you going to do that if you don’t mind me asking?’

‘Like that!’ you grabbed my coat.

‘And what if I take the coat off?’

‘I’ll grab onto your sweater’

‘What if I take that off too?’

‘I’ll use your scarf then’ and you wrapped my scarf around your hand pulling me a little bit closer.

I could feel the heat coming from your body and how blood rushed into my cheeks. I realised what was about to happen so I pulled away. Just a second after that I regretted my decision but it was already too late. We continued talking for a few more minutes before it was time to go home.

The station we needed to go to was fifteen minutes away. We got up and began making our way to there. We had walked for about five minutes when it started to drizzle. The tiny drops of water didn't bother me. Even though I was cold they felt nice falling on my face. I didn't see you mind them either so we just kept walking slowly. We got to the station and it was time to say goodbye. I didn't know how to do that. I couldn't decide between shaking your hand or giving you a hug. There was no right answer of course. We ended up not doing either. ‘It was so nice meeting you’ you said.

‘We should do this again?’

‘Yes, definitely! Bye now.’ And you turned away with a smile.

 I went to my platform, got on the train and relived the time with you in my head. I kept doing this for the whole week that passed until we saw each other again. 

It was the next Saturday that we went on our second date. We arranged to meet at Canary Wharf. I walked to the station and waited for you to come. Not a minute later than expected, you walked up to me from behind and said ‘Hey’

I jumped. When I saw it was you my heart slowed down and I said ’Hey! Where are we going?’

‘You’ll see. Don't worry about it.’

You told me you had planned everything and I blindly followed you. We got into some of the neighbourhood streets. After a while we reached a small park and I thought we were going to sit there. ‘Oh, this is not our final destination.’ you said, guessing by the look on my face.

And you pointed to the small building on our right. ‘We’re going in there’

I was excited. I didn't know where we were going and I had never been around here. When we got down the staircase we found ourselves in a tunnel, beneath the river this time. I was so confused as where this was leading to but you explained it all to me. You decided it's time for you to share the location - Greenwich Park. You gave me some historical facts about the tunnel as well. It seemed like you had been preparing.

We got out on the other side after a long walk and we headed towards the park. On the way to there we stopped for hot drinks to warm our hands with. The whole time I couldn't stop exploring the architecture surrounding us with my eyes. We got to the park and decided to sit on a bench before we continue walking to the observatory on top of the hill. We sat as if we were glued together. You kept on telling me facts about the area and I didn't stop you even though you repeated yourself. Listening to your voice made me feel relaxed. Then you suggested we switch our coats. That came out of nowhere but I thought it would be funny. I couldn't say no to feeling you even closer to me. It was a brown formal one. It didn't suit my style but it sure did look good on you. Mine looked great on you. After we got our coats back I was ready to go and so were you.

The park was full. Despite the cold weather it was a sunny day and everyone had gone out to steal some of the sunrays. We started walking to the top of the hill where the observatory was. The journey up the hill was exhausting but we finally made it and the view was breathtaking. There was a huge crowd of people admiring it so we stood among them. ‘Do you like it?’ you asked.

I just nodded with a smile in response. Then it got windy again and I got cold. I asked you if we could go down. The way down was much easier than going up of course. ‘How are you getting home?’ I asked.

‘You live nearby, don't you?’

‘I do. Why?’

‘I can just get on the tube or the DLR closest to your place.’ 

And It was decided. I knew the nearest station to my flat so I suggested I take you there and then I head home.

We walked back the same way. We kept pushing each other just like children did. We didn't stop talking and laughing the whole way to the station. When we finally got there, I realised it was time to say goodbye again. Only that this time I knew what I wanted to do. I believe you were thinking the same. I put my arms around you in a tight hug and we stayed this way for a few seconds until we pulled away slightly and looked at each other’s eyes. I was burning on the inside to touch your lips with mine. Your eyes gave away that you shared my desire.. Just as I got closer, your train came and it was all over. You hugged me tightly instead ‘Bye. See you soon.’ and you were gone.

I never saw you again. 

We kept messaging daily. With each day that passed the messages were less and less. And by next weekend you stopped answering. So I stopped messaging.

I don't know what caused all of this. Was it me? Was it you? Was it the kiss that almost happened? Did that scare you? Did somebody else talk you out of it or did you do it yourself? Did you find someone else? Was I not enough?

We never talked again.

My heart trembled and those memories flew through my mind when I glanced at you at that same market earlier today. I didn't think I would see you again after so many years. When our eyes met you smiled. I gave you a quick smile before I focused back on what I was buying. I finished the job quickly and hurried to leave.