Possibilities

TW/CW Vague description of childhood abuse, passing reference to suicide, rape, depiction of anxiety/depression

The following story is related to my project Forevermore.

Anya walked barefoot along the beach with her husband, Baelfyre. A soft moan escaped her at the feel of the sand between her toes. Her husband chuckled, used to the simplest things making her happy, and then directed her attention to the horizon. She gasped as she saw the red and gold of the sunset decorating the sky and water with gorgeous colors. It took her a few seconds to realize that wasn’t what Baelfyre had tried to get her attention for. That was the dolphins leaping in the distance. Though she didn’t take her eyes off the sight, she squeezed his hand, a silent ‘I love you.’

They were childhood friends, him being eight years older than her. Inseparable from the moment they met, he’d always been by her side, protecting her, making her smile and even cry from laughter. Out of nowhere, she’d kissed him at age thirteen. He’d been so shocked that he returned the kiss. When he drew back, he’d told her how much he loved her for who she was and had for several years. But he refused to do anything more, even holding hands, until she not only came of age but had had the childhood that was stolen from her.

Everyone treated her as if she were an abomination. She’d been mercilessly called names and degraded, even beaten within an inch of death several times just for being in the same area when something terrible happened. For a long while, she thought she was tainted and unworthy. Before him, she hadn’t known what love was. Because of that, until the kiss, she’d thought his actions toward her were him taking pity on her or a callous joke. Anya simply could not believe anyone would treat her with love and respect without an ulterior motive. When she turned eighteen, Baelfyre took her out of Miseria and gave them a fresh start in Royal City.

For the most part, they kept to themselves, and he slowly brought her out of her trauma and helped her heal and believe in herself. Living in a town called Royal City helped a lot because she so often referred to herself as a Princess and him her lovely Prince. They had no friends and were never invited to social events, something she did not understand because these people hadn't grown up with her, so they should have had no reason to dislike her. Baelfyre did his best to convince her that it was merely because nobody could see her worth the way he could and that, one day, she’d find people who accepted her as wholeheartedly as he did. It was difficult to believe, but she would have long ago succumbed to her internal darkness without that hope.

It had been seven years since their fresh start, and she’d grown and matured so much then. Yet, she still hadn't asked Baelfyre to take the next step. Anya was so scared to take that leap into the unknown. She was discontented with how things were now and knew he was, too. But how did one find the courage to take a step that could change everything as you know it? He’d been so patient and kind to her all these years. And though she knew better, she couldn’t help but wonder if he would leave her if she wasn’t worth the wait. No matter what, there would always be a part of her that felt she wasn’t good enough.

Her past had taught her that people’s words and actions could have lasting consequences for one’s heart and soul. That knowledge was why she always tried to treat people kindly, even if they didn’t deserve it. Someone—she strangely couldn’t remember who—once told her that if she didn’t like someone, she didn’t have to go out of her way to be nice to or speak with them. But she couldn’t ignore them or be mean if they spoke to her. She should always be the better person, no matter what the other did to her.

As she felt wetness in her eyes, her vision blurred, and she held back a gasp as she wondered why in the world she was crying. Baelfyre was so in tune with her emotions that he instantly turned her into his chest and let her cry it out without question. Anya didn’t know what was wrong. All she knew was that she suddenly felt things weren’t right.

Eventually, Baelfyre pushed her back a bit, drew some hair out of her face and over her ear, and then placed that hand on her cheek. His fingers gently lifted her head so their eyes met before he spoke. “What’s wrong, Anya? Have I done something to upset you?”

“Never!” she clasped his hand in hers. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me. This whole thing. Being married to you and living happily and peacefully without the torment I went through as a child. Just…I want to take the next step so badly, but I’m so scared. Not just of your potential rejection but also of the fact that this is nothing more than a dream. That it’s not real, and I’m just in a coma or something.”

“Twelve years, Anya. That’s how long it’s been since we realized our feelings for each other. Regardless of whether I wanted you, I would not have left you in Miseria for any reason. You deserved a better life than that. And the past seven years out here with you. Watching you grow into the beautiful, confident woman that you are only serves to confirm my belief every day that I made the right decision when I chose you. There’s nobody else I would ever want or need.” There was a small pause, and he continued. “As for taking the next step…” Baelfyre leaned forward and kissed her on the lips.

Anya was surprised at the action. They hadn’t kissed since that one day, but gods! He still tasted and felt just like she remembered. His tongue entered her mouth, and she wondered how she could have ever doubted his love for her or her worth. She jumped and pulled back when he reached his other hand up the hem of her shirt. The action caused him to frown, and she blushed. “I’m sorry. I want it, I really do. Just. I can’t shake that feeling that something is wrong.”

“Then get lost in what is right.” His response was understanding and encouraging. He knew she would give in, so he merely stared into her eyes as he waited.

After several seconds, she nodded, and his lips were yet again on hers. Only this time, he wasn’t going slowly. While he kissed her, he drew her shirt up and then maneuvered her onto the sand. She tried to calm herself at the thought of her first time, but the change in Baelfyre’s behavior concerned her. It was almost as if, now that it had begun, he wouldn’t stop for her. Part of her knew that was wrong. But at the same time, he’d waited so long for her to be ready, and no matter her past, they were married, so she had no right to keep making excuses.

Tears fell down her cheeks when he withdrew from finishing. At the look on her face, he cursed. “Come here.” Baelfyre crooked a finger at her as he sat on his knees. “I’m so sorry, Anya. I got lost in what I wanted and ruined the moment for you.”

“It’s okay,” Anya replied as she curled against his chest. “You’ve been patient for so long.”

“That is not an excuse! Don’t you ever justify me hurting you.”

She winced, and he sighed and wrapped her in a tight embrace. “Really and truly, though. I’m sorry, Anya. Please forgive me. Without placing blame on yourself, if you can.”

“Of course I forgive you.”

Baelfyre tensed at the strangeness in Anya’s voice, and when she pulled back to look into his eyes, he knew his time with her was over.

“How does one hold a grudge against a dream? That’s all you are. A figment of my imagination. Of what could have happened had Miseria not been destroyed that day. Had the truth about me never come to pass. Trapping me in a future that I could never have for what? Jealousy? Loneliness? Control?”

“What are you even talking about, Anya? Miseria wasn’t destroyed. And I’m very clearly alive.”

“Wrong. No matter what, the Baelfyre I knew then would never, ever, have harmed me like that. No matter how badly he desired me to adhere to his wishes. He let me be myself. Always. You kept me here for twelve years. I’m not going to lie. I wish we could stay here forever. My first friend and love, who saw me for who I am. But my heart doesn’t belong to you anymore. And I won’t allow you to hurt them through me. Let me go, Bae. Move on and find your peace.”

“I just want to see you happy. No. To be the one who makes you happy.”

“You did, Bae. Do. Without you opening my heart to the idea of love, I would never have found my partners and friends. People who love me and see me for who I am. Willing to die to protect me. Just as you always wanted. One of the things you taught me was to think of others first. How does keeping me here help me? What does it accomplish?”

He averted his gaze to the ground, grabbed a handful of sand, and watched it as it slipped through his fingers. Just as he’d done for her earlier, Anya remained silent while he thought. Eventually, he looked back at her, and there was a smile on his face. “I love you, Anya. Always have and always will. Not going to lie, though. It really hurts knowing that you could have made a Deal to bring me back to the realm of the living and yet chose to move on. That’s probably why I can’t let go. Because your inaction makes me feel like our true time together meant nothing.”

“Oh!” Anya’s eyes widened, and her right hand covered her mouth for a few seconds before she placed it on his heart. “To be honest. The thought never even crossed my mind. Humans are told there is no returning from death. But among the Demi, there are several ways. There is just one problem, though. My partners. Could you handle sharing me with others?”

“So long as I got to be a part of your life, yes.”

“Well. I can’t very well make any progress toward bringing you back if you keep me here. You must trust me as you always did. I’ll bring you back, whether my partners want you or not. What I mean to say with that is, I’m bringing you back, but whether you’ll be a partner or just a close friend is up to our collective decision.”

“Again. I don’t care, so long as I’m with you.”

Anya leaned forward and kissed Baelfyre on the lips. He returned the kiss for a few seconds, and then, she felt reality shift. Her eyes opened, and she sat up in a panic. The motions caused Layla, Jeirazora, and Talon to stir. They all looked at her questioningly, but she smiled and shook her head. “Later. Let’s just go back to sleep.”

That said, she turned onto her side, which allowed Talon to draw her back against his chest. She opened her arms to Layla, who came to rest right against her chest. One of Layla’s legs stretched across Anya’s. From Layla’s other side, Jei cuddled Layla from behind while his arm stretched across Layla, Anya, and Talon.

As she fell back asleep, her heart raced at the possibility of adding Baelfyre to her relationship.