The Overdue Conversation

For all intents and purposes, Jonas and Sofia were high school sweethearts.  This was at least, how it appeared to their fellow classmates.  The truth was, he had never actually revealed how he felt about her.  They had been as close as two friends could be, without ever being in a relationship, yet bad timing, and his own insecurities had always prevented him from moving things forward.  The last time he had seen or spoken to her was at her wedding to Jason Parker, more than twelve years prior this moment.  

From inside a bustling, horizontally-spread coffee shop, the sound of various conversations coalesced into a cacophony of high and low tones.  Jonas managed to secure the only booth available to his right, towards the back corner of the shop.  As he sat down, he looked to his left towards the entrance, and noticed a petite woman, with dark, shoulder-length hair approaching the front door.

As Sofia entered the coffee shop, she instinctively looked to her right and made eye contact with Jonas.  He was standing with a warm smile and excited disposition about him that instantly took her back to their school days.  She was astonished by how little he had changed, though he seemed taller than she remembered, while still slim.  If anything, he’d grown more handsome.  Dark and handsome.  She excitedly walked over and greeted him with a warm embrace.

Jonas had forgotten how great her hugs were.  They were always filled with so much genuine care.  Nearby onlookers began returning to their own conversations and concerns as the two released and finished their initial greeting, before sitting down at their booth.  Jonas found a familiar sense of nervousness rising from within, which instantly made him feel like he was a kid again.  Being in Sofia’s presence had always messed with his head, so it was intriguing to see that the passage of time had done little to dissipate those feelings.  He was also fascinated by the fact that he could see in her face that she was no longer the young girl that he had known.  Despite a prevailing youthfulness within her olive complexion, the subtle lines in her face and well-defined cheekbones revealed an attractive woman dressed in sophisticated attire, who seemed to be embracing adulthood with a grace that Jonas had found to be quite alluring.  

“Was my wedding the last time that we saw each other?” Sofia inquired, as she picked up the laminated menu that had been lying flat on the table in front of her.

“Yeah, I believe so,” Jonas replied.  He had so many questions to ask, but was unsure where to begin.  He decided to start with the one that he was most curious about.  “So, what brings you and Jason back home?  I remember in college you used to tell me how much he hated Amsterton City.”

Sofia was slightly caught off guard by his referencing of her ex-husband.  She couldn’t believe he didn’t know they were no longer together.  “Well, Jason and I actually divorced almost four years ago.  I would have moved back here sooner, but the circumstances didn’t really line up until right now.”

Jonas was genuinely surprised by this revelation.  How did they become so distant that he wasn’t even aware that her marriage had ended?  “Oh! I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Hey, that’s okay.  You didn’t know.  It was for the best.  Trust me,” she quickly replied, without even the slightest bit of negativity in her tone.  Sofia had moved on easily due to the nature of the way things broke down between her and Jason, so she was not at all uncomfortable explaining why things went wrong. “We were too young to get married and basically grew apart.  I don’t place all of the blame on him, but we just couldn’t get along.  We tried working through all of our issues, but his infidelities were the final nails in the coffin.”

 “Wow, that’s so crazy.   I’m sorry you guys couldn’t work things out.  Honestly though, I never really liked him,” confessed Jonas. He’d held that in for a long time.  Jason had always been a jerk in high school, so this didn’t really surprise him.  Maybe she pushed him away, which contributed to his insecurities, but he should have appreciated what he had.

 Sofia was genuinely surprised by this admission.  During the time her and Jason dated, she never got the impression that Jonas disliked him, so to hear it now, in hindsight, was a bit irritating.  Leaning in a bit closer within their booth with a concentrated expression on her face, she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you felt that way about him?  You were my best friend.  I needed to hear what you thought about him.  I even asked you, back then and you never said anything.”

Sofia had a point, and Jonas knew it.  “I know.  I should have told you what I thought of him.  I apologize.  But honestly, I thought it was just me.  I knew how much you liked him, and I figured maybe he was different with you.”

 “It’s okay.  It’s not your fault,” she acknowledged.  “I was pretty stubborn back then, so who knows if I would have listened.  The truth is, we should have learned more about each other before getting married.  It’s like we were never on the same page.  I wanted children, he didn’t.  I wanted to stay here after college, he didn’t, so we moved anyway and I hated it.  When I pursued a career in law enforcement, he did not support it, causing him to withdraw deeper into his own work.  We just stopped communicating.  It’s too bad, because he could be such a decent person when he wanted to.  But it’s all in the past now.  We’ve both moved on.”

 “Oh, okay.  That makes sense.  I’m glad you’re in a good place with all of it.  The divorce proceedings must have been a drag, though.”

 “Not really, actually.  Once we arrived at the realization that our marriage was over, he was ready to dissolve it as quickly as possible.  Everything was split pretty evenly.”  After saying this, Sofia could sense the wheels turning in Jonas’ mind based on how he was fiddling with his menu but staring blankly past her, into the distance.  She broke the momentary silence by asking him, “What about you?  Are you with anyone at the moment?  There’s got to be some great love story that you’re not telling me about.”

Jonas chuckled softly as he straightened himself up within the booth they were sharing and replied, “No, not really.  The last relationship I was in was about five years ago, and it didn’t last very long.”

She was surprised by this.  Jonas was a caring guy who treated others with kindness and respect.  Any woman would be crazy for not wanting to be with him. “Oh, that stinks.  Why do you think it didn’t work out?”

Jonas hesitated, as if wanting to choose his next words very carefully.  “She could tell that I had unresolved feelings for someone else.  It didn’t help when she found out I had never told this woman how I felt.”

A mischievous smirk filled with genuine intrigue appeared on Sofia's face.  Five years ago, he was hung up on some girl whom he never revealed he had feelings for?  Why did this not surprise her?  “Jonas!  What are you doing?  Who’s this girl?  Did you ever tell her?  Where is she now?

Jonas stared deeply into Sofia's beautifully-large, hazel eyes, and paused.  He could sense the curiosity and anticipation building from within her.  “She’s…sitting at this booth, having dinner with me.”

Sofia was floored, as she stared at him with her mouth agape.  How could this be?  After all this time?

Jonas didn’t know it was possible for her eyes to become any larger than they already were, but there she was, wide-eyed and stunned into silence.  She had started to look around at no one in particular, anxiously trying to remember any signals that she may have missed in the past.  Breaking the increasingly awkward silence, Jonas replied, “Sweetheart, you don’t have to say anything.  I should have told you a long time ago.  I-I’m so sorry.”

Finding her voice again, Sofia slowly felt compelled to inquire about this unexpected disclosure.  “How…long have you felt this way?”

An expression of deep care appeared on Jonas’ face.  How long had it been since he’d first understood what he was about to reveal to this friend that he cared so much for?  “Do you remember when you caught that really bad cold just before the spring play in tenth grade, and you ended up losing your voice?”

Sofia mentally brought herself back to that time of her life, which felt like a lifetime ago.  “Uh, yeah.  I remember it well.  I thought for sure that I wouldn’t be able to perform.  To this day, I’ve never had a cold as bad as that one.  I couldn’t talk for like, a week.  What does that have to do with your feelings?”

A firm resolve, mixed with relief, grew within Jonas over finally getting to chance to say this to her.  “Well, during that time, I was very awkward around girls, yet you were one of the first ones that I felt comfortable being around.  As we became close back then, there were things about you that I was starting to appreciate.  And one of those things was your incredible singing voice.   It was to the point where I looked forward to going to school just because I would get to hear the sound of your voice.  So, when you got sick and you lost it…the idea that you couldn’t talk, even though I knew it was only temporary, was not okay.  I was not okay because you were not okay.  I’d never felt anything like that before, and it made me realize that I cared about you in a way that was deeper than anything I had ever experienced.  And I have never been the same, since.”

Tears were beginning to develop in Sofia's eyes as she was completely moved.  In this moment, it became startlingly clear what had been missing from her relationship with Jason.  It was genuine care that was freely expressed and not just implied.  Her and Jason had been in love at specific points in their relationship, but it was rarely reinforced by this kind of care.  Resisting the urge to cry while still fighting back those tears, she exclaimed, “Jonas!  Why didn’t you ever tell me that you felt this way?  We talked about absolutely everything, back then.  I can’t believe you’ve been holding on to this for so long.  That’s not healthy.  Oh my gosh!”

“I know, I know.  There were so many times when I almost told you, but I could never pull the trigger,” he explained.  “I was dealing with some confidence issues back then.  Also, when I realized how much I cared for you…the idea that I could say this to you, and if you didn’t feel the same way…lose our friendship?  I couldn’t handle it.  I panicked.  So I thought, if I was just friends with you, maybe I could somehow always have you in my life.”

Sofia did not agree with his justification for playing it safe.  “I see where you were coming from, but still, there are certain things that should never be kept secret, because they are so big and so important that you have to share it, no matter how much things could change, or how messy things could get.  As honest as we used to be with each other, you should have told me.”  She then looked away from Jonas and her expression changed to a look of slight embarrassment.   Jonas observed this and sensed that she was about to reveal something of her own.  Turning back to him, Sofia looked him straight in the eyes with a firm sense of determination.  “You should have told me, because then, I would have told you…that I had feelings for you too.”

Jonas widened his eyes in horror over the instant realization of how much time they had wasted.  Focusing on this beautiful friend of his, who had a plaintive look on her face, he slowly asked, “Is this true?  Since when?”

“It was after our ninth grade field trip to the science center.  We were sitting next to each other on the bus, and I fell asleep on your shoulders, or at least you thought I did.”

“Yes.  I remember that.  Wait.  You weren’t asleep?”

“Nope.  So, I heard those boys picking on you.  I remember how they were making a big deal about me sleeping on your shoulders, repeatedly asking if I was your girlfriend.  But you?  You never got defensive.  You calmly corrected them, but then asked, so what?  I also remember hearing another boy, who didn’t seem like he was part of the jeering, ask you what type of girlfriend you were looking for.  I’ll never forget what you said.  Do you remember?”

Jonas studied Sofia as he tried to recall a memory that he hardly thought about.  Suddenly, he realized why this was significant for her.  “Actually, I do remember.  First, I told them that I felt like I was too young to be thinking that way.  But then I said, regardless of whoever I dated, she had to be kind.  Kind to others, kind to herself.  Just kind.  She could be pretty, but she had to be kind because there wasn’t enough kindness in this world, yet, if she was, then our kids would be.”

“Yes.  There it is!  That was the moment right there, where I completely fell in love with you.  I may not have fully understood it, but there was something so profound about what you said, considering that we were only fourteen, that was just so astounding.  And it shut those boys right up.  That moment changed everything for me,” Sofia explained in a soft, wistful tone.

Jonas shook his head in disbelief.  “That was a year before…so, that whole time, you-”

She nodded.  “I sensed a change in you and figured that you probably liked me, but you never said anything and just kept up this platonic wall, so I started to think maybe it was platonic.  It certainly was not for me.  I would do these subtle, little things to try to get you to notice me, but you never reacted, so I eventually moved on, though not completely.  Just enough to fall for someone else.”

Suddenly, it was all coming back to him so sharply it was like he was traveling back in time.  The deep conversations they would have about the future.  The way she reacted when he would complement her.  The boyfriends' and their constant jealousy.  It had been right in front of him, yet he could not get out of his own head long enough to realize it. "Now it all makes sense!  There were times when it felt like you were angry with me, and I couldn't understand why.  Now I know."

"Sorry about that," Sofia apologized.  "Sometimes I would get frustrated with you because I was convinced that you liked me, but you insisted on playing it off.  I didn't want to confront you about it and make things worse, so I was hoping you would just take the hint."

"It's okay.  You have nothing to be sorry about.  It was my fault for not being honest with you," said Jonas with a tone of regret and understanding.  

After all this, the two of them just sat there, lost in thought.  They would casually glance at each other with nervous smiles, before returning to their ruminations.  It was Sofia who eventually broke the silence.  “So, what happens now?”

A confident smirk appeared on Jonas’ face as he stared lovingly at her.  “Well, sweetheart, I’d say we finally order something and enjoy the rest of our dinner.  Then, I’ll pick you up at 7 O'clock this Friday for our first official date.”

An amorous smile appeared on Sofia’s face, signaling her agreement.  “Alright, then.  But I’m warning you now, I haven’t been on a date in a very long time.  It might be awkward.”

Jonas scoffed.  There was a part of him that was nervous to think that after all this time, perhaps this could end up being a bust.  There was always the chance that they would realize they were better suited as friends and nothing more.  But at least he was finally getting this opportunity to find out.  “Well, it’s been a long time for me too, so we can be awkward together.”

Six months later, they were husband and wife.  One year after that, they were parents.

Jonas never forgot the lesson he learned from his overdue conversation with Sofia.  His preconceived fears over what could happen had previously prevented him from revealing how he truly felt about her, which in a way, separated them for many years.  The very thing that he had feared the most, could have been avoided if he had simply shared the beautiful feelings that he was stubbornly withholding.  With this second chance in view, Jonas made a vow to himself that he would never stop finding new ways to let Sofia know just how much he loved her.  For a long time, it felt good to him just knowing that he cared for someone to that degree.  However, at the end of the day, what good does it do for you and that special person, if they never really know just how much they mean to you?