Whispers of a fly

Submitted into Contest #108 in response to: Write about a person or object vanishing into thin air.... view prompt


Crime Drama Suspense

The moon was full and the air was stale on a hot and humid August night in southern Georgia. It was getting late and the two twins were sure they would be in trouble if they didn't hurry and get home. The boys knew their ailing mother would be anxiously awaiting with their hot dinner ready for them. Lonnie and Jimmy had just got done mending fences on the Brooke farm and still had a forty-five minute walk home.

"Hey Lonnie lets cut through the woods and cross the river at that old train bridge dad used to take us fishing at, that will cut off about fifteen minutes". Jimmy said in a asking voice.

The two twins lived on a farm just out side of Pikeville. Pikeville was a mid size city with a population just under fifty thousand people. It was a time of hard ship and money was hard to get, even harder for a pair of twelve year old twins. The brothers would look for any kind of work they could find, even if was a five mile walk one way to get there.

The boys father had hung himself shortly after the factory he had worked at for twenty years shut down because of a dwindling economy. The death hit the small family hard, bringing nothing but hardship and uncertainty. Jimmy would never forgive him for that. Lonnie took it allot different , he became silent for months after their fathers death and everyone wondered if he would ever talk again. It would take eight months for him to speak again.

The boys had a very close relation ship with their mother who would always worry about the two each time they would leave the farm looking for work.

Cindy, the twins mother had been diagnosed with lung cancer last year. Her days were numbered but she still provided the best she could for her boys whom she loved more than anything else in the world.

The three relied on each other to survive, they grew a garden and raised a few hogs that would keep food on the table through out the year. Cindy would take on sewing jobs while the boys would do anything they could find like throwing hey or mending fences. Not having a car made it pretty hard, but even if they had one they wouldn't be able to afford gasoline for it. The small family didn't have much but what they had, they were more than content with.

"It's pretty dark to be cutting though the woods" Jimmy answer.

"Oh come on, are you scared?" Lonnie asked as he smirked.

After tossing the idea around for a few minutes the boys veered off the dirt road and found a deer trail that would lead them up to the old train bridge. The moon lit up the trail just enough to see where they were going.

"What do you think will happen to us when mom passes away?" Jimmy asked his brother.

" Don't talk like that Jimmy, we will find a way to get the money she needs one way or another." Lonnie said in a irritated voice.

"Your in self denial Lonnie, as much as it hurts me to say this, moms days are numbered and deep down you know this!"

"That may be, but I am never going to give up hope for her, ever!" Lonnie answered back.

Jimmy was always more of a realist than his brother, and Lonnie had more of a fantasy attitude about life.

The old dilapidated bridge was coming in to their view. As they approached the bridge they could hear what sounded like a muffled scream. Curios as to what it was, the boys crept up to the bridge and looked down towards the river where the sounds were coming from. Fright stricken the boys could see a silhouette of what appeared to be a tall man holding another silhouetted figure by the neck. The second figure had it's feet about a foot off of the ground. The tall man was shaking his victim as it were a ragdoll. Moments later the body went limp and the Tall man tossed the body into the river like it was just a dead fish he had caught and kept on the stringer to long.

"We got to get out of here!" Jimmy whispered to his brother.

As the boys backed away from the railing Lonnie tripped on an old cable that used to run along the side of the bridge. As he fell back Lonnie's instincts kicked in and he automatically reached out for the old wood railing.

SNAP! the railing gave way and Lonnie hit the ground letting out a loud yelp.

"Who's there?" the boys heard the Tall man ask.

Not wanting to stick around and answer the killer, the two boys took off running back up the deer trail where they had came in on.

The two twins were racing against time. They both could hear The four wheeler coming up the river bank at a high speed. With their hearts racing and panic setting in they decided to cut off the trail and go through a patch of thickets. After they made it about twenty yards into the thickets the boys hunkered down to the ground hoping the thickets would provide enough cover to hide them from the killer. "Just keep your head down Lonnie, and don't say anything !." Jimmy whispered to his brother.

Just then they heard the ATV pull up to where they had cut off the trail.

"Who ever you are, you better come out before I shoot!" the tall man shouted.

BOOM! the shot rang out and whizzed above the boys heads.

"My patience is running out, you better come out before I come in there and pull you out" The killer said with anger.

The adrenalin kicked in and Jimmy jumped up and grabbed Lonnie by his shirt. The two darted deeper into the thickets as fast as they could weaving back and forth not feeling the gashes that the thickets were tearing deep into there skin. The tall man shot two more times missing the boys. Hesitant the killer decided to go another way instead of going through the thickets.

After running for about ten minutes the boys came to an opening that led to the old dirt road that they had been walking on earlier. Jimmy told Lonnie to stay back as he went to investigate the road for any signs of the four wheeler.

As Jimmy crept up to the road he looked both ways up and down the road. The only thing he could see was a gloomy dirt road that was lit up by a cloud covered moon.

Jimmy made his way back to Lonnie and noticed just how bad the two had been cut up by the thickets. Their clothes had been torn to shreds and blood was oozing for their wounds.

"Are you alright?" Jimmy asked

"Ya, just a little soar." "What are we going to do now Jimmy, I am scared" Lonnie answered as he knelt down to catch his breath.

"We are going to stay right here and wait it out" Jimmy replied. "He can't get us if he can't find us".

The two stayed hid just off the side of the road until they both felt they were shed of the killer. Feeling safe the twins began walking down the road towards the safety of their home . After walking for just a few minutes the boys noticed a set of head lights coming up from behind them.

"Finally help!" Jimmy shouted as the lights stopped about ten feet behind them. "Wait Jimmy" Lonnie tried to get out before Jimmy approached the vehicle, but it was to late.

As Jimmy got closer to the vehicle he could see past the blinding head lights. It was a truck with a four wheeler in the back. "RUN!" Jimmy yelled. The two bolted back into the thickets as fast as their feet would take them. Lonnie had a lead of about thirty feet ahead of Jimmy screaming, "COME ON JIMMY, RUN FASTER!"

The tall man got out of his truck and grabbed his rifle. He rushed to the side of the road where he could see the two in a distance.

BOOM! BOOM! the man had let off two shots towards the boys.

It would be twenty minutes before Lonnie stopped running. He knelt down and whispered loudly for Jimmy. After calling out for Jimmy for five minutes Lonnie's stomach started to turn. The man must have shot Jimmy, Lonnie thought to himself. By this time Lonnie was crying and getting violently sick. His best friend and brother, the one who he shared life in his mothers womb with was gone. It was a deep hurt that would not leave him for the rest of his life, Lonnie thought to himself.

"Hey man, where did you go?" Lonnie heard Jimmy ask.

"Oh God, I thought you were dead Jimmy!" A stunned Lonnie said as he jumped up and Hugged his brother.

After weighing their options the brothers decided to walk the rest of the way home through the thickets. It would be five-thirty in the morning before they would arrived home. Lonnie quickly opened the door and went running through the house looking for their mother to tell her what had happened. Lonnie spotted his mother in the living room on her reclined chair with her eyes closed. Lonnie Tried to wake her up but she just would not respond. She had passed some time through the night.

Lonnie called out crying for his brother to come to their mothers side. Life had just took another bad turn for this hard stricken family.

"It will be alright Lonnie" , Jimmy said from behind him. "Lonnie you have to learn to let go, Life is to short to hold on to the grief that we have endured throughout our young lives" "Time will pass and heal all wounds. I am going to miss our family we had but I have to go now, It took everything I had to hold on this long to get you home. I really wish I could stay to help you get through this but its time."

As Lonnie turned around to asked his brother what the hell he was talking about, he noticed Jimmy's physical body was slowly disappearing. He was staring right through Jimmy thinking , can this be real? He then would hear Jimmy say his last words as he disappeared in to the now cold thin air, "He shot me Lonnie, I am sorry but I must go now."

With his head held low and his shoulders stooped, Lonnie walked out to the front porch and sat on the steps. He just sat there listening to the sound of buzzing fly's in the hot morning's air. The buzzing sounds would soon turn into whispers of his mothers voice, they were whispers, whispers of goodbye.

August 21, 2021 07:08

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Del Gibson
21:18 Sep 02, 2021

Hello Holland. Thank you for sharing this story. It has great description. I feel as if I am there on the farm, and I can feel the hardship this family is going through, since the unexpected death of the father figure. You explain the differences in the the twin boys really well, the characters are developed and well thought-out. The dialogue between them about mum dying from cancer feels authentic and believable. Although there are some spelling issues and perhaps a polish and edit will help with this, it is still understandable. That was a...


Holland Wells
02:06 Sep 07, 2021

Thank you for the feedback. I need to work on learning to edit, also the spelling. I am glad you took the time to read my story and then took the time to give feed back, that really means a lot, Thank you.


Del Gibson
21:31 Sep 07, 2021

You are very welcome.


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