I Need To Chill

It was breakfast time and there were kids, well, young adults in various states of dress entering the cafeteria. Young adults from 18 to 22 go from dressed and ready for the day to just rolled out of bed and put some pants on. That wasn’t abnormal for this time of the semester, it was exam season. Students would stay up till the early morning hours studying or take a blanket and spend the night in the library studying. It could be a stressful and unfortunate time of the year where tensions ran high and some students didn’t want to hear your voice till they had their morning coffee.

One such student entered the cafeteria with her roommate. Their names were Sadie and Maya. Sadie was very irritated until she had had her morning coffee. So much so that she had bought a machine and made coffee before she even made it down to the cafeteria. By this time of the day, at this time of the year, Sadie had already had two cups of sub-standard coffee and had come down to get a “real” cup of coffee.

Her roommate Maya was different. Maya didn’t get her morning energy boost from coffee, she got it from chocolate. Every day, as was her routine, she would come down for breakfast in either her clothes, ready for class, or in her pj’s having just gotten out of bed. Then she would get her breakfast in line, just like everyone else, and grab that sweet, cold carton of chocolate milk. Just that one carton would give her the energy to get to the cafe on campus that would sell larger amounts of chocolate milk, which she would purchase with her student card. So she needed that chocolate milk just as much as her roommate needed her morning coffee.

The two girls grabbed their trays and went down the line. There were things like plastic bowls of prepackaged cereals, bacon, eggs, toast, small pancakes, oatmeal, and an option to order things like a bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich, a daily changing vegan option, and a french toast breakfast. The girls grabbed whatever they felt like eating. Sadie was a “go with the flow” type of girl while Maya was a routine type so she liked to get the same thing.

At the end of the line, right before you swiped your cards to “pay” there were the drinks. From black coffee to a special macchiato. There were sodas and juices but then there was also milk from the cow, almond, and soy. But what Maya didn’t see, was her chocolate milk.

“Excuse me!” She called to one of the people working on the other side of the counter. “Where’s the chocolate milk?”

One of the older ladies, who worked there every day recognized her and gave her a sympathetic look, “Oh I’m sorry dear, but the shipment of chocolate milk is late, it should be here by this afternoon so we’ll have the chocolate milk by dinnertime if not lunchtime.”

Maya felt her pulse start to quicken, “Wait what?”

“We don’t have any chocolate milk right now but we’ll have it later on today for you alright?” The woman repeated.

Maya felt her body almost double in weight like someone had dumped so many weights on her. She started to breathe quicker. “No, I’m sorry. That’s not acceptable here.”

“My” Sadie began putting a hand on her shoulder.

But Maya's words cut her off. She stamped her foot, shaking her friend's hand off, and yelled how she didn't have to and wouldn't take this kind of treatment. How it was “unacceptable”. “I need my goddamn chockie milk!” she yelled three times while stamping her feet like a spoiled child.

To the woman's credit, she didn't get upset. “Honey, you need to calm down.” The woman said, her voice calm and gentle. 

Maya shook her head. “No, you don’t understand. I NEED that chockie milk.” She insisted, “You don’t understand If I don’t have my goddamn chockie milk that means I don’t get the energy to study. And if I don’t have that energy, I can’t walk to the library to study. And if I can’t walk to the library, to study then I fail my exams. If I fail my exams, then I’ll have to flunk out and move back in with my parents. And if I move back in with my parents, my mom is going to want to control my wardrobe like she did when I was in middle school. And if that happens, well I’ll never get married. And if I never get married I’ll never have kids. And if I don’t have kids, I’ll fill the loneliness in my life with cats and dogs. That would make me the crazy cat lady. And if I become a crazy cat lady, well, everyone is going to avoid me and I’ll end up dying alone with a cat named Mr. Fluffle-Muffin-Bubbles-Microwaveatin the 4th as my best friend.”

Everyone, the people working in the kitchen, her roommate, and her fellow students were staring at her like she had lost her mind.

“Ok.” Sadie said slowly, breaking the awkward tension, “Thanks anyway.” And with that, she pushed Maya’s tray along and pulled her friend along with her.

Slowly the room’s common noise came back on, people talking and laughing, texting, or people just chewing their food. Maya was breathing heavily the whole way to checkout while Sadie guided her toward their normal table.

“Girl, that was a lot.” Sadie began but Maya didn’t listen, she was hyperventilating and shaking. Sadie rubbed her friend's shoulders and coached her through breathing, “Maya, Maya, Listen. Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Breathe in, and out.”

Maya did as her friend said and as people passed, giving her a strange look, she simply practiced how to breathe.

After about 20 minutes of just breathing and hugging herself, she felt her body relax a little bit.

“Hey, My.” A handsome boy with dark skin said smiling at her. After a moment his face turned to one of concern. “What's the matter?”

Maya simply shook her head. She was remembering everything she'd said and couldn't believe a carton of chocolate milk had made her such a Karen. Sadie filled him in on the gist of the situation and winked when she said the details of what was said were not important.

He sighed and nodded before turning around and heading towards the counter. When he came back about 5 minutes later he was holding a large glass of chocolate milk. “It's not what you're used to but it’s better than no chockie milk right?”

Maya took the cup and took a drink. She recognized the taste of the chocolate syrup-based chocolate milk and was touched. “Thanks Brian. You're the best.”

—-----

Dear Diary,

I really need to chill.

So it’s exam season and I’m super stressed. I’m studying extra hard and I’m even skipping my time at the gym and sacrificing my movie night with Brian. He understands, he’s got his own exams to study for and is stressed too. We meet up in the mornings for breakfast and eat together though.

Speaking about breakfast this is why I need to fuckin’ chill. I’ll tell you all about what happened today. So Sadie and I went down to breakfast together, you know as roommates do, and I got my usual breakfast because as you know Diary, I love me some routine. Well, we got to the drinks, I grabbed an OJ and then I went for a chockie milk, and to my surprise, there was none.

I stopped a lady behind the counter and she informed me that the shipment of chocolate milk was late and that it wouldn’t be here till later today. So I’d have chockie milk for dinner but not for breakfast.

Let me tell you Diary, to my stressed-out exam-written brain after 4 straight days of studying and two nights spent asleep in the library, that was unacceptable. I’m ashamed to say I kinda went all Karen on her. I started yelling how I wasn’t and didn’t have to take this kind of treatment. I was stamping my foot like a child and yelling how I needed my “god damn chockie milk” and how she just didn’t understand. Then I said something just crazy.

I said “Lady you don’t understand. If I don’t have my god damn chockie milk that means I don’t get the energy to study. And if I don’t have that energy I can’t walk to the library to study. And if I can’t walk to the library to study then I fail my exams. If I fail my exams then I’ll have to flunk out and move back in with my parents. And if I move back in with my parents my mom is going to want to control my wardrobe like she did when I was in middle school. And if that happens, well I’ll never get married. And if I never get married I’ll never have kids. And if I don’t have kids I’ll fill the lonelyness in my life with cats and dogs. That would make me the crazy cat lady. And if I become a crazy cat lady well, everyone is going to avoid me and I’ll end up dying alone with a cat named Mr. Fluffle-Muffin-Bubbles-Microwaveatin the 4th as my best friend.”

Can you believe it? I literally said that in almost a single breath. I swear after that I had some sort of panic attack because Sadie led me over to our table and had to teach me how to breathe again. I had to learn that you breathe in through your nose and out with your mouth. I just took deep breaths while I felt the tips of my fingers go numb.

Well, when Brian showed up and heard about the chocolate milk issue he, being the smart and logical one, went back to the counter and made chocolate milk with chocolate syrup and regular milk. God Diary, he was so sweet. When he brought it back he said something like, “It might not be what you're used to but it’s better than no chockie milk right?” I swear he’s the one.

Anyway. I ate and then studied really hard. I decided that, after this morning, I needed to go to the gym. So I made time for myself at the gym and afterward, I felt a lot better. I went back to studying and then had some calming coca before I went to bed.

Diary, while I was having that panic attack I realized something. I need to calm down. I knew that studying was stressing me out and it will always do that but if something so small as my morning chocolate milk can trigger me like that, then there might be something lurking below the surface.

I’ve decided that once the exams are over I’m going to go see a therapist.

Anyways. I’ll write how my day goes tomorrow.

Night.

Maya