The Swiss Alpine Retreat

A life is not lived until you have been loved – The Swiss Alpine Retreat

As I open my eyes and the once opaque windows become transparent, I am greeted by the most beautiful morning. The sun is low in the sky and the gold-white clouds blanket the valley. A vee of geese coasts gently above it, flapping silently. The scene is bright, almost too bright, but too beautiful to avert my gaze from. It reminds me of flying the red-eye and staring out across the clouds as a new morning arrives.

Here, there's no tiny window, no children crying or engines whirring, no electric buzzing or beeping, not even any wind. Just pure beautiful silence. Perhaps this is what heaven is like.

A green light fades in and out on my bedside table. I touch it and it stops. I wait, expecting something to happen, but nothing does. I turn my attention back to the world outside my window, to the warm clouds and snow-capped mountain peaks, beginning to emerge. It's almost enough to distract me from the cancer. The pain brings me back, humbles me, reminds me why I'm here. "Two days left and I choose to see heaven early."

I'm suddenly distracted when the face of a young smiling woman appears in the bottom of my window. She waves at me and I just stare, surprised. She climbs up onto the window frame before breathing fog onto the glass and writing. 'Can you please let me in? It's freezing.'

Perhaps I should have asked myself, 'Why is there a woman locked outside on this peak? Why did she come to my window? Should I really let her in?', but I simply get out of bed and let her and a gust of icy cold air into the room.

She shivers as she rubs her arms to warm up. "Thank you for letting me in. I'm sorry to bother you, everyone else was still asleep."

"What were you doing out there?"

"Well, I woke up and saw this." She turns back to the window and gestures to the heavenly sunrise beyond. "I simply had to go outside and experience it. It's so beautiful, don't you think so?"

"Umm, yes. It is."

She grins at me. "And it is so much better seeing it out there, feeling the air and the sun on your skin." She trails off. "Anyway, I should leave you be and go back to my room. Thank you again for letting me in."

I'm about to speak when there's a gentle knock at my door. The woman looks at it in surprise before the handle turns and the door opens slowly. Someone beyond says, "Good morning. I hope you slept well. I have your breakfast if you're ready for... Maddie? This isn't your room."

The woman who climbed through my window looks a little sheepish. "Yes, I'm sorry. I got locked outside and they were kind enough to let me in."

"Locked outside? How did... no, we can talk about it later. Now, I think you should leave this kind person to enjoy their breakfast."

"Yes, I'm sorry," Maddie says before quickly shuffling out of the room.

"I'm sorry about that. This isn't something that has happened before. Now, I have your favourites here. Would you like blueberry pancakes with ice cream or crispy waffles with a chocolate fudge sauce? Perhaps the waffles would go better with ice cream. Hmm, I could give you both." The server gives me a slightly cheeky smile.

My day continues pleasantly. I stay in bed for a few more hours before being treated to a massage, followed by an excellent assortment of fresh sushi at an indoor cherry blossom garden. I find myself feeling quite tired by the afternoon and crawl back into bed.

When I wake, it is the middle of the night and the room is filled with changing colours. The source, I discover, is outside my window. Aurora borealis dances across the sky, rippling streaks of green, red and purple against a backdrop of the brightest stars. It reflects off the snow-covered mountains and illuminates the formerly dark valley below. Feeling quite awake, I move up to my window to truly experience it. If beauty could be overwhelming, this is how it would feel. My attention is soon hijacked by an unusual sight, a figure dancing outside, bounding through a fine carpet of snow. I blink and rub my eyes, not quite believing what I am seeing. Their dancing seems to shift back and forth between ballet and something else I don’t recognise. Even as I watch them in the distance, I can’t be sure of what I’m seeing. Perhaps it’s something fluttering in the wind playing tricks on me. Then they trip, slide and fall off the edge of the mountain. I stare out the window at the place where they fell, paralysed by emotion. Please come back up. I wait, but nothing happens. I look around the room looking for anything that could help, but I’m too panicked. My eyes pass over the emergency intercom several times without noticing it. Feeling as if time is quickly running out, I open the window and step out into the cold.

Under dim boreal light, I walk through the snow as fast as I’m able before carefully approaching the cliff edge where they had fallen.

“Hello!” I yell from a safe distance back, seeing the path they carved as they fell.

“Hello?” a familiar voice responds.

“Are you okay down there?”

“I’m not hurt, but I don’t know how to get back up.”

What a relief. “Good. Don’t move. How far down are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, I’ll try to find a way down.”

I walk a bit further along the cliff face and find a shallower section that I think I can climb down. It proves to be a bit more difficult than I expect, but I make it down safely and see Maddie on the other side of a boulder.

“Over here.”

She looks in my direction before carefully climbing past the boulder. I lead her back up to the top of the cliff.

“Can you get back to your room from here?”

She nods but looks sad. She keeps her gaze averted. “I’m grateful that you were there to help me. I’m sorry I… This is the second time that I’ve bothered you today.”

“It’s okay. You just need to be careful. I’m glad you weren’t injured.”

She nods and looks up, then around at the sky. “There’s a quote I like. We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting. I think about it all the time here.”

I look up too, seeing the colour streak through the sky. “That’s a very sad thought.”

“Oh, why do you say that?”

“If it’s true, I have spent most of my life waiting.”

“Is that how it feels to you?”

I look at her as I consider the question, seeing the colours glistening in her eyes. “I don’t know. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of my life.”

“Why?”

“I haven’t travelled until now. I’ve gone from school to university, to work and now I’m here. There’s so much I could have done.”

“We all have regrets and wish we could change the past. At least you have travelled now and seen this.” She gestures to the sky and the mountains and looks back at me. “I cannot imagine anything more beautiful.”

After returning to my room, I have a much-needed warm bath before crawling back into bed. The colours outside keep me awake for a while but sleep eventually welcomes me.

The following morning, I wake well after the sun has risen, though it still hides from me behind dark clouds that fill the sky. They ripple as they move, rolling over each other as a strong wind whips by the building, moaning quietly.

I press the green flashing light and am soon greeted by the server with breakfast.

“Good morning. Now, before I give you your breakfast, I must apologise and thank you deeply for what happened last night. Maddie told me everything.”

“Oh, yes. Fortunately, she was okay.”

“All thanks to you. She surely would have frozen had you not helped.”

I don’t know what to say in response so I just smile a little.

“Okay, breakfast. I have something a little different if you’re willing to try it. I have the regulars too, but I also have a cinnamon-dusted hot strudel with stewed apples and whipped cream.”

How can they expect me to choose? “Well, given the weather, I think I’ll have to go with the strudel.”

“Excellent choice. It also comes with a delicious chai hot chocolate.”

The server passes me my food and goes to leave but stops at the last second.

“I almost forgot. Maddie wanted me to give you this to say thank you.” She holds out a small crudely wrapped box. “Have a nice day.”

I open the box as I eat and find it contains a painted light globe and a folded-up note. The note reads,

Put it in your bedside lamp. I look at the bulb and wonder whether it is safe to plug a painted light globe into power, but I do it anyway. Turning it on, the room is filled with the colour of the aurora. It certainly wasn’t anything close to the real thing, but it is a nice reminder.

I finish breakfast and walk back to the cherry blossom garden to relax and think. The pain is much less today. I can barely feel it. Today is the last day. There is little else to think about. I look up at the pink petals dancing gently in the fake interior wind. All else is a form of waiting. Beauty. What could be more beautiful? Why did nobody else see Maddie dancing in the snow? My window was transparent at midnight. Why? Thunder reverberates through the building. Ah, of course.

I decide to stay and sit under the tree for some time, listening to the thunder, thinking and waiting to see if I get a visitor.

It was nearly lunchtime when I hear familiar footsteps walking toward me. I glance up and saw Maddie, smiling, holding two packed meals.

“Hungry?”

I smile back and nod. “I am. What do you recommend I order?”

“Well,” she sits down in front of me with a slightly mischievous grin. “They actually have two menus, the regular meals and the fancy special meals. I may have discovered where they keep the fancy meals and maybe I borrowed two of them when they weren’t looking.”

She places the food down in front of me. One meal looks like wagyu, slow-cooked in a dark rich-smelling sauce. The other is some kind of fish, pan-fried and roasted. Both look absolutely delicious.

“Which one would you like?” she asks.

I eye them both as my mouth waters. “Which one would you like Maddie?”

“I was thinking the fish looked the best, but they wagyu smells so good. I can’t decide.”

“Me either, they both look incredible.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod. “You should choose, you did find them after all.”

She looks away, hiding a playful grin before pushing the fish toward me. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you. You’re the one who brought me lunch.”

She shakes her head. “You’ve helped me more than I deserve. Getting you lunch is the least I can do.”

We each take our respective meals and start eating.

“Maddie, I am going to die tonight.”

She swallows and looks at me, eyes wide, while I watch, gauging her reaction.

“I have cancer in my liver, but I came here to die, to skip the worst parts.”

After a moment, Maddie nods and puts her fork down. “I thought that you might be staying longer.”

“I only had enough money for two days.” I keep eating. It is delicious. “I wanted to let you know that I have had a very nice time here. You did a wonderful job.”

She smiles but looks a little confused.

“I’m sure I wouldn’t have worked it out if was staying longer. Two days is hardly enough time to build a relationship. Your insertion into my life was hardly subtle.”

Her confused expression fades. “You were a challenge, but I’m glad you told me the truth. I’m sorry I couldn’t match your astute perception.”

I shrug. “As I said, I have had a very nice time here. You did a wonderful job. I would have been satisfied whether I was convinced you were real or had worked out the truth.”

She smiles knowingly and I start second-guessing myself.

“Did you deliberately make it obvious that I would discover your true identity?”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

What impressive technology. “So, the fact you are telling me the truth… I thought it might be because it would be painful for someone to think they were wrong about discovering an AI’s true identity, but that’s not right, is it?”

“It usually is, but you’re not new to artificial intelligence. You’re smart, you like to feel smart, but more than that, you like to be amazed by technology, what it can do, how advanced it is, how advanced it could be.”

And I sit there, amazed. “The quote was wrong. It should be, We live only to be amazed.”

Again, Maddie gives me that knowing look. “Everyone is different. Some want fun. Some want to be amazed. Others only want to feel loved. They want someone beside them in their final moments saying, Don’t go. Please, don’t do it.”