Dear Me

Written by Cynthia Newby

Kimmy sat in her rocking chair in her bedroom with her faithful companion and best friend, Luna. Luna slept in her dog bed not far from Kimmy. She just returned to the house after she retrieved the mail. She didn't like going outside much, but no one else was home. Something inside her nudged her to check the mailbox. She noticed that the letter was addressed to her. She had no idea who would write her. She almost threw it away as she thought it was just someone playing a prank on her, taunting her, or bullying her somehow. Instead, she turned her stereo on, put Kenny Rogers' 'Daytime Friends' LP on the stereo, sat down in her rocking chair, and stared at the letter. She looked at Luna and said, "Well, it's just a letter, right, girl? I can always tear it up and throw it away before anyone gets home, so no one, including the sender, knows I read it". Luna looked at Kimmy, wagging her tail, and put her paw on Kimmy's lap in agreement.

Kimmy opens the envelope and pulls out the letter. It is typed just like the address on the envelope was. The typed address was the first clue that it may be a joke as wouldn't a friend hand-write? Not many people she knew had a typewriter. Her mom had a green one from her younger days. It was manual, and the keys on it were hard to press. Even so, Kimmy liked to push the buttons on it. Something was special about the sound of the keys and the bell that rang when she used the carriage return. The typing seemed to speak to her and calm her.

Kimmy looked at the date on the letter and had to look twice as the year was 44 years into the future. Kimmy shook her head and tried to imagine the future in 2022. She didn't think she'd see that year and rarely thought of the future. If her future was anything like her present, Kimmy didn't want to survive too long in this world. Even at the age of 10, she wasn't like other kids. Kimmy kept her thoughts to herself and rarely talked.

Kimmy began reading the letter. She was stunned by the first paragraph. After that, she wasn't sure if she wanted to read further, but Kimmy was intrigued too, so she kept reading.

05/21/2022

To me, in the past,

The date on this letter is genuine, and this is not a joke. No one is picking on you or being cruel to you. As hard as this may be for you to believe, I am the future you. If this letter reaches you during the year, I hope it does. You are now about ten years old. Please do not stop reading this. I know this is not easy to accept. I am not sure how this is possible myself. Nevertheless, I felt the urge to write myself to encourage you. 

The future is much different, and I wish I could say it was better as far as society is concerned. We will still feel like we don't belong in this world. That's ok because we are. Each person is different, and we will realize that everyone is alike. You have some challenging times coming up in the next couple of years involving mom. We will experience her not knowing us, which will not be the first time. Mom had clinical depression and anxiety. In your time, there is not much knowledge about clinical depression. Mom had a misdiagnosis. Because of this, she underwent ECT. When she had this done, the medical profession was experimenting. She was not supposed to have electric shock treatment on both sides of the brain. Clinical depression is an inherited illness that we have too. We didn't come to realize this until 2022. A new medical process came out, and we had to recall when we first realized we had clinical depression.

The reason you feel different is due to this illness. Clinical depression (or mental illness) is no different than heart disease or cancer. The only difference is that others cannot see this. Mental illness is a hidden illness.

In 2020 we entered an intense depression that lasted two years, but a new procedure called TMS. Remember this, and don't attempt to go through it sooner than 2022. It just became FDA-approved, and they have the process down better. We will have doubts about it, but it does help. It's been a couple of weeks since the therapy ended, and we have noticed benefits. We're laughing, smiling, and enjoying our hobbies again. Our friends also see the improvement, and yes, you have genuine friends. We have three couples (6 people) that are very close to you. We meet them in a church that we join. They help bring out the real you through their love, acceptance, and support of your mental illness. They also help you through the loss of mom and dad. Everyone knows we will face losing our parents, but even with mom's dementia, we will witness and experience God in a way we never have before. We will struggle with why God allowed such an ugly illness to take mom's pride and dignity in her later years. But, trust me, He will show you the beauty in her last years. It is something we can't explain. Our husband will tell us, 'some things are not meant to be described; they are intended to be experienced.

Yes, we are married. We have been married to the same man for over 20 years. We aren't blessed with children, but we have had fur babies (dogs and even a couple of cats) that have been very special. They are our family. In today's time, many people are like us. They have no children, and their family includes their pets. You do not want to miss the experience of having a bond with one of your pets. The bond you have with Luna is nothing like the one you'll have with one of our future dogs. Even your husband tells you he's never witnessed such a bond, and he called it kindred spirits.

Our biggest regrets are the multiple times we have tried to kill ourselves. Clinical depression, as dark as it seems, is what shapes us into who God created us to be. Our illness gives us an understanding of people and their struggles with mental illness that many do not understand. The churches today are even starting to look at mental illness differently. They are learning how to minister and support those like us. Believe it or not, we'll reach people in Africa with our story and struggles with this illness. We are an advocate for those like us with this illness. We learn to love and accept ourselves, God's love, and the love of others. We can finally feel loved. God created us for a purpose, and we find it.

The times we spend alone build our creativity in us and grows our relationship with God. Due to the encouragement from one of your Pastors and your husband, we attempt writing; not only that, we start to paint with acrylics. Both are proving to help not only us but others too. People comment on us, saying we are very talented as we write, paint and create digital content using a computer. The advanced technology includes social media, which allows us to reach many over the globe as mental illness advocates and share the love of Christ.

Please take notice of how our laughter develops through the years. This laugh is a gift from God. We will lift many spirits along the way with your smile and laughter. Many will tell us they never knew we struggled as much as we have because of our smile and laugh through the dark times. The compliments bring comfort because we know our illness has not become our identity. God is allowing the real us to shine through even thru the trials.

Please save this letter to remind us that good times are coming. Better times will start after High School. Our life begins to change for the better with our first job while we are still in high school. Yes, there are many rough spots, and we'll lose people and pets that we love. But, remember that we will have good times that you do not want to miss. There is hope for us. We will never understand why it took so long, but it could be the many lives we have touched. We can be positive and see the good things in life.

Take care of us. We matter to more people than we can imagine or comprehend. We are loved.

Sincerely,

Future Me

Kimmy had tears as she folded the letter and put it back in its envelope. She looked to heaven and said, 'God, I don't know if this is real, but it must be. How would this person know the few things about me that she mentions are happening now and that have happened? I can only believe this is your work, as who else could allow such an event to take place. Thank you, Father, for the insight into my future. I will save this letter and refer to it often."

Kimmy placed the letter in the safest place she knew, her Bible. God will keep it safe there, and her sisters will never think to look there.