Karma

 Karma

Ivy could feel the waistband of her nylons digging into her stomach and it was all she could think about. So, every time the waiter came by with a tray of nibblies she would be tempted but then change her mind, her pudgy hand hovering over a mini sausage roll before retreating once again. She sipped on her soda and lime wishing to the good lord above that it had a double shot of vodka in it. Her eyes scanned the crowd and with each gray or bald head they landed on she wondered again what she was doing here. Tapping her feet to an old ABBA song she happened to catch the eyes of someone at the front of the room.

The blue silk dress hung on her frame, while her arm hung onto her husband. To the casual observer, it appeared they were still in love and couldn’t bear to be parted more than a few feet at a time. Ed had whispered angrily on their way into the ballroom that if she’d worn more ‘sensible shoes’ she wouldn’t have to mimic a leech and how was he supposed to mingle and chat with people if he had to haul her around from group to group? It wasn’t a kind thing to say but Diana half agreed with him, the shoes had been a mistake. In her defence, they showed off her legs and matched the dress so she’d gone with the less optimal wardrobe choice.  She faked her smiles and laughs at old jokes, generally playing the part of the devoted spouse. It was Ed’s retirement dinner and as he’d been an accountant for the last forty years the crowd was less than inspired in conversation. She already knew most of them but her eyes left the face of the fifth balding and badly dressed joke teller in front of them and scanned the room for someone new.

Their gazes locked at the same time and despite the cliché aspect, it was more tension than admiration. Diana shook her silver bob in disbelief, what on earth was Ivy doing here? She stood near the entrance to the vast hall, looking ready to bolt if anyone so much as looked at her twice. Diana excused herself and murmured to Ed that she was going to greet some guests on her own. She needn’t have bothered she realized as he barely noticed these days whether she was in the same room. Taking a deep breath, she released his arm and her security and walked cautiously across the all-too-shiny tiles. 

Ivy watched her childhood friend cross towards her, at the glacial speed of her pace it wouldn’t take much to be in the car by the time Diana reached her. She stood still though and decided that evading Diana was getting as old as they were. Both sixty-three this year it was past time to mend the fences broken all those years ago. Her grey-green eyes saw not the underweight grandmother in a navy dress approach, but a young, fit woman in a bright yellow pantsuit and dozens of bangles on her wrists. She had dyed blonde hair that she often wore up in a messy ponytail, wrapped in a strip of lace, and Ivy could almost hear Bananarama and Cyndi Lauper playing on a cassette tape in that crappy old Hornet she had. She sighed and took another sip, reiterating her desire for vodka.

Diana sensed that Ivy was watching her approach and getting more and more stressed every time she was delayed by another group wanting to chat. She was pleasant to everyone though and while she was curious as to the reason behind Ivy’s presence, she wasn’t going to rush the confrontation. Standing with Ed’s secretary and a few other women in the admin pool she took the opportunity to observe her old friend. She’d gained quite a bit of weight that much was obvious but she couldn’t be sure how recent it was. She’d heard that Ivy lost her husband a few years before from a heart attack, but nothing else. She hadn’t dared comment to anyone when she’d heard about Doug’s death, it wasn’t a topic she was comfortable with. She patted Ellen on the arm and promised a future lunch date like that was ever going to happen she scoffed to herself. Her eyes met Ivy’s as she resumed her approach.

Ivy found an empty stool near the corner bar and plunked her butt onto it. Her initial idea was to meet Diana face to face but the truth was it wouldn’t matter if she was sitting as long as philosophically they were on the same page. Placing her purse on her lap she waited.

“Ivy, how nice to see you, thank you for coming.”

“Diana, I wanted to make an appearance, for Doug. He liked Ed and would have wanted to attend. I got an email about it and thought, well I’ll pop in.” She took a sip of the now-warm soda before placing the glass on the bar behind her. Turning back, she noticed that Diana had moved closer.

“I was sorry to hear about Doug, I was going to send a card but well, you know.” Her fingers knotted together. Ivy could only gaze at her old friend in wonder. For her to be so bold as to mention or was it not mentioning why a sympathy card from the friend who’d slept with her husband might not be wanted.

“Yes Diana, I do know. It took quite some time to get over, he and I had a trial separation after your affair came out, but we reconciled for our daughter. We eventually moved past it and had a good marriage after all. How is Ed doing these days anyway? Did he ever forgive you for having sex with his business partner on his own desk? That was, excuse the expression from a sixty-year-old, pretty ballsy.”

“It was all a big mess, to be fair I was only twenty-five and Doug was so sexy. Ed was away a lot on courses that summer and the boys hadn’t come along yet. I was at loose ends.” She’d barely got the words out before Ivy interrupted her with a hiss.

“Well, you have the loose part straight. We were friends Di, from grade school. Best friends I thought, you can’t tell me there wasn’t someone else’s husband that would scratch your itch.” She turned back to the bartender with a smile and asked for a vodka and soda this time. One wouldn’t kill her and she’d need it for this conversation. Diana watched the exchange and admitted inwardly that even with the added weight Ivy was still very attractive. She ran her hands over her thin frame and marvelled at the two of them changing in such different ways. She stood up straight and suggested that they go into the small bar off the lobby so they could just talk things through. Ivy nodded, picked up her drink with a thank you, and slid off the stool grabbing her purse so it didn’t slide off her lap.

In a corner booth of the hotel’s front lounge, they settled in, Ivy remembering when the two of them could just swing and fling their nubile bodies around without any accompanying noises. She smiled and when Diana looked surprised at her old friend grinning she had to ask the reason. When Ivy brought up their youthful figures, Di could only smile ruefully. For a few minutes, after the waiter had brought Diana a glass of Merlot and a bowl of nuts for the table, they reminisced about the summer of 1982. Diana took a sip of the wine and relayed a date she’d had with a guy, he’d taken her to see An Officer and a Gentleman, then two days later he decided he wanted to be Richard Gere and joined the Marines.

“Obviously, he was a little too suggestible,” she laughed, “good thing it wasn’t Fast Times at Ridgemont High or he would’ve become a stoner, singing along to pass the dutchie” They both laughed out loud. It felt good for Ivy to giggle with her friend. They used to have a riot together, before the affair anyway. She sighed and put her glass on the table. Diana sensed the change in mood and prepared herself by sitting straight up. She thought it was way past time to formally apologize and opened her mouth to speak, surprised when Ivy put a hand over hers.

“Di, look. I know the easiest thing would be for you to say sorry, and for me to follow that up with forgiveness, to finally put this whole thing to bed, if you’ll excuse the expression. I’m just not sure it will make a difference. I loved you as much as I loved Doug if that’s possible. Losing you was just awful but I dealt with it the only way I could, I froze you out. Doug would encourage me to connect with you, every five years or so but understood why I couldn’t.”

“Ivy, I loved you too, the affair with Doug was about me, not us. I didn’t ever want you to find out, just the thought hurt. I understood, and still do why you cast me away. Life carried on in our marriage too, not the same way though. After it all came out Ed was furious, mean, and nasty to me for years. We must have conceived the twins by osmosis or whiskey as he hadn’t touched me that way after he found out. We had some rough times of it after the business collapsed. I don’t blame Ed, I mean how could he continue being partners with a man who’d had his wife?” She’d finger quoted the word had then picked up her glass again for a deep swallow. She turned to look out the hotel window on her left and caught Ivy crying softly.

“Ivy, we, no I have lost a real friendship and I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear it again and I know it loses its power when said too often but there it is. If I could turn back time, to make everything better I would, you have to believe me.”

Ivy picked the lemon slice from her glass and squeezed the juice into her drink. Diana watched and waited, examining her old friend while she did. Brown eyes met blue, and the years melted. Diana could see the Sheena Easton haircut and power suits her friend used to favour. She’d been the office manager of the accounting business and if it weren’t for the computer course she was taking each Tuesday she would have been in the office that day. Ivy took a sip, then placed her empty glass to the side of the round faux marble table.

“I guess if someone was adding up the mistakes and karma in this situation I’d be the winner. When I lost Doug last year it hurt but as I said, we’d had a lot of good years, he was a great dad to Roy-Anne and she’s the better person for being raised in a two-parent household. I’m sorry that you’re marriage to Ed hasn’t been idyllic. He has no right to continue making your life hell. I would suggest counselling but I suspect that ship has sailed.”

She took a breath and then continued. “I wasn’t going to say anything, it’s not my nature to hurt other people, even you.”

“What are you talking about Ivy? What have you heard, please tell me” Diana searched her friend’s face.

“I’m saying that the gossip, with witnesses no less, is that your Ed has been schtupping Ellen for the last seventeen years. She’s quite the office manager apparently, very attentive to her boss. I don’t know what she’s going to do now that he’s retiring, I mean who is she going to serve now that he won’t be there anymore.” Ivy smirked when the tears flowed down Di’s cheeks, she suspected she’d just lost her good karma balance, but damn it felt good. She eased herself out of the booth and strode away. From the open doors of the ballroom, she could hear the opening bars of ‘Karma Chameleon’ by Culture Club and did a little Boy George step on the way to the parking lot.