Destination Unknown

The feeling was overwhelming, like a sudden collision with a freight train. She'd had them before—these unexplained feelings. Panic, fear, grief, for no tangible reason. Through the years, she had come to trust them. They happened frequently enough to know that whatever came next would be dire. That surety always terrified her. Through most of her childhood, she wished she knew how to control them. How to eradicate them. She tried praying, but God never answered.  Once, she sought an exorcism, but the church didn’t think the Devil caused her affliction.  She tried yoga and journaling, thinking maybe some new-age juju could save her sanity. When that didn’t work, she turned to voodoo, convinced she was possessed by some demonic force that fell outside the realms of traditional religion. In her desperation to be rid of these feelings, she tried everything. And yet, they still came. Unbidden.  Unwelcome. Heartbreaking. Because once the feeling set in, all she could do was watch the events unfold—a passive spectator with the destination unknown. 

This time though, the events were not happening in real-time. No. Shayna was standing before her, perfectly whole. What if this time she could change the event? Perhaps this was why the Universe -because that was what she assumed it to be- was telling her now before anything happened. Maybe it was spurring her to act. To change fate instead of just watching it. Was that possible? 

Without a second thought, she flew from the bleachers to intercept her friend, tripping over her own feet in the process. A scream started to escape her lips when strong arms wrapped around her breaking her fall. "Thanks." She gasped before turning to look into the eyes of her rescuer.   

"Any time," he smiled. She realized abruptly that she was staring into the most stunning eyes she had ever seen. She allowed the rare indulgence for a fraction of a heartbeat. Any other time a hot guy acknowledged her in all her awkward glory, let alone saved her, she would have likely swooned. But not today. She was overcome with panic—a desperate need to change an outcome and hopefully save a life. Emma quickly disengaged herself from his strong arms, vaguely aware that he spoke to her. As she rushed away, she yelled back over her shoulder, "yes!" What she was saying yes to, she had no clue. Her immediate concern was reaching her friend. She would have plenty of time to contemplate her social blunders another time.

She sprinted through the halls, searching with voracity. She found Shayna just as she was leaving the building. Slumping over in a breathless heap, Emma bellowed, "Wait!" She really needed to exercise more. Thankfully the tone in Emma's voice more than the word gave Shayna pause. "Wait," Emma panted again, a little calmer though still breathing like an out-of-shape sumo wrestler. Once the stitch in her side subsided enough for her to stand, Emma looked at her friend, frantic to make an impact. Shayna was one of the few who knew her secret. Knew that Emma’s oddness was not an act but something rooted in the unseen. And she knew that Emma’s “feelings” were never wrong. "Please, don't get in that car." The words were insufficient. The chance to make an impact was quickly slipping away from her. Chills raked Emma’s body, and her nerves felt like they were on fire, like she would combust at any moment. 

"It will be fine. I promise." Shayna said with a flippant smile on her face. She was too excited to take the gut feeling of a casual friend seriously. "I've got to go. Hayden is waiting for me." 

Emma desperately wished that this would be the moment when her gut feeling was wrong. But they had never been wrong before. Impulsively Emma hugged Shayna, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. This was so unfair. Why would the Universe show her this if she couldn't change it? "Please." Emma pleaded one more time, already knowing that her plea was falling on deaf ears. 

Shayna released herself from the embrace, placing a hand on Emma's arm for reassurance. "It will be fine. I will be perfectly safe. Don't worry so much," Shayna scolded in a teasing tone that only solidified the weight in Emma's stomach. It would not be ok. Nothing would ever be the same. And Emma's attempt to change fate would be a failure. Shayna turned and walked away with one last squeeze of Emma's arm.   

Crushed by her inability to stop the events from unfolding, Emma slid to the floor with her head in her hands. The tears that had threatened to spill poured freely, sobs wracking her entire body. She felt someone sit beside her on the floor. A now-familiar arm snaking around her shoulders and pulling her to his chest. He smelled like detergent and freshly mown grass. His warmth quieted her chills. "Shh," he whispered. "You are so strong. So brave." His voice sounded ragged, as if he too were crying. Emma lifted her head to look at him, her confusion plain.  She could drown in those eyes. They held so many promises, and somehow, they convinced her they shared a burden. 

He pulled her so close that she wasn't sure if he was trying to help distract her from the distant but unmistakable sound of metal being demolished, or the strangled cries of innocent bystanders begging for someone to call 911, or if he was attempting to comfort her, or simply trying to calm himself. The cause didn't really matter. What mattered at that moment was that they sat there in solidarity, clinging to each other as they were bathed in the red lights of the first responders.  And perhaps that she didn’t know his name.  Curious onlookers began crowding the space around them, craning their heads through the doors and windows to get a better look at the travesty unfolding before them, and suddenly his name didn’t matter. They clung to each other as the world fell apart. 

After a while, she reluctantly lifted her head from the safety of his chest and asked, “What did you ask me?" He looked a question at her. "After I fell.”

His smile was sad. "I asked if you were all right.  It was weird, though. When you darted away, it felt like this unseen string was pulling me after you. The feeling didn't go away until I put my arm around you again." He barked a sardonic laugh. "I've wanted to tell you how I feel for a long time. But you’ve never noticed me before.”

She bobbed her head while biting the inside of her cheek. A surety settling within her.  Her gut feelings worked precisely like they were supposed to. They weren’t about preventing tragedy or changing the outcome but preparing her for what lay ahead.