Closing the Loop

He sat down after a long and tiring day. It was just after midnight as he got home. He felt relieved and yet anxious about tomorrow. So many open points and not much time. The deadline was staring at him without remorse. It was always the same. The timeline was set a long time ago, as always, yet the late nominations and delays nobody considered them and it made it difficult to prepare everything. It was a Friday or, in reality Saturday, it should be a calm day to relax, but not now, not now. Now it was the peak. Every day was a working day. If somebody wanted a nine-to-five job, he should choose a different profession, yet automotive had its own rules. There was nothing impossible and everything was just the summary of the strength of the team. The leader was important to get the qualities out of his team and push them to their limit. You loved this job or hated it, yet for him it was just a job. He took pride in it and thought that he was above it. He just could not notice the impact it had on him. Maybe because he loved the rush of action or the fulfilment for a job well done. Development and engineering, they were part of the cradle of projects. If this failed, the dominos would not hit each other they would just disperse. You can’t have parts without development. The alarm woke him up, and he rushed to the office. The team was supposed to meet and go through the priority list as each morning. He felt the rush. The plan should work, but would it?

He woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night and said to himself, “Ehh, just a dream again.” He sat down on the bed and looked through the window. “Just a bad dream,” or was it? He had his doubt. He loved this life of tranquillity travelling through Asia, yet was this really it? Till his end of days? He was not sure, as he felt he was missing something. The rush maybe? Yet was this not the thing he hated the most? The lack of proper planning, changing of plans, readjusting on the go every day and sometimes every hour? The dynamic was a curse, yet does every curse have to be bad? He went for a glass of water and sat down on the terrace. The sun started to just show up on the horizon. It will be a nice day again. As he was looking at the rising sun, he felt the touch of his wife, as she said, “Can’t sleep again?”

He just nodded. She knew he was getting torn inside. He was at his high in the rush and now he was just slumbering compared to the previous rush. Not that he was not doing crazy things or having excitement in his life, yet you could not compare it. It was a different story. He hated it, yet he loved it. He could not find the same feeling as how much he tried. Maybe he did not try enough? Maybe it was just a way of life for him? The constant stress, as he could not live without it. He was not called for simple tasks. They called him when there was something others could not manage, or so he thought. He looked in the eyes of his wife and said, “let us go to bed, we can catch still some sleep.”

As they were cuddling, he fell asleep as previously, fully satisfied, without a burden on the world.

As he woke up, he was alone in bed. He again overslept without an alarm. It was a good sign. He hoped his wife was not angry, as this was something she did not understand when he was working on side projects in the night. Yet this was different. When he saw her, she just smiled and hugged him. He felt relive through his heart. He was a night person, as this was the time of day, when he felt he could do anything. He felt strength and energy. The kids were playing on the floor and looked happy. He smiled at them, as they both just run to him and shout over each over what they did this morning. He felt relieved. Maybe this was the feeling he needed to find. The tranquillity and love of his family to calm down the demon of the rush. Therefore, he decided with his wife to get on the journey to travel, explore and also find themselves in a new world. There was also the part to teach the kids to not live in the set boundaries forced by the society, but that you can live your life in a fulfilling way as long you see this is in the way for you. The world pushed one way of living. Go to school, work your job, get a home and live like this till the end of days, yet there should be another way! You have to push your boundaries and find a way for you, as you are not like everybody else. Each of us is different and the way when the schools were made commonly available was not taking into consideration the individuality of humans. It was made to prepare the main population to work in jobs defined by the society depending on status, availability and not really considering the predispositions and flaws of each child. You could compare it to a woodwork factory, each piece of wood, no matter the initial shape, has to come out the same. School should prepare to live their own life in a way they want to, teach them a way to survive and transfer knowledge to the next generation. The current society pushed it to another level forcing to be the best of the best in everything. Is this needed? Of course, for some, this is the pinnacle of life to be the master of everything, but can you be really be the best in everything? No, as if you are the master of everything, you are the master of nothing. This is why you have to teach the next generation individually, find their purpose, strengths, and weaknesses. You can always find a purpose in your weakness if this is what you want. If you hone your skills, you can get to a level which could show your fulfilment. This was their purpose and mission. He understood his wife and agreed that this was the most important thing to allow their kids to live a life of fulfilment. Yet he never wanted to let go of his dreams. Yes, dreams, this pushes us further. Would they be pushing for money as the world was forcing everybody or would they find solitude in helping other living in rags in the desert? This was their decision, yet they should be aware of their choice as much as they could. This was something they never had with his wife. They were pushed and sometimes forced to fulfil the ambitions and desires of their parents, yet you need to find your own way before it is too late. As he looked at his children, the wife saw in the mind of his husband that he made a choice. He had a revelation. You can have the rush and you can have everything you dream about only if you really want to make it happen. This was the dream for them, yet he just understood that he can also make it for himself. He had had none real ambition; he wanted things to happen, so he was reacting and not pushing if somebody or something was not pushing him to it. This was never the school, he hated it, also never the parents. He wanted to achieve everything on his own easily without work, as he was not prepared. The things he was good at came easily and he tried to cheat to be in the good life as it caught up with him. Then he found the business in automotive and felt quickly the rush. Yet now he was again in the situation without it, and it was different. He felt that he was not pushing for himself; he was pushing for his family at some point. This was a slight change as this was something new for what he was not prepared, as his mother always said to his sister, ”I wish you will feel the same when your daughter will be as you.” He hated this expression as nobody is the same, so why force everybody to be the same? He looked again at his family and went on with the day.

It was his working day again, or should we say night? He always loved the night. It was calm, dark, and he could work to his heart concent without feeling bad. He wrote his next part of the book. This was, yet again, a story about unimaginable things happening. Or was it? His imagination was unparallel, yet the writing skills were always subpar. Maybe this was something he always needed and wanted to hone? Yet the system never allowed it, as he was not the best at it? He was the worst. He just felt that this was the night to make the revelation, to push himself to the boundary and achieve the rush of writing. He knew that this was it; he knew that if not now it will never happen. He needs to feel the same rush, the same pressure. He needs to make it his own. The force from himself and not driven by other. The beginning of his journey which forced him to a long-lost desire to write, to feel the same rush as his previous job. This was the beginning and ending. This was the closing of the circle, the cherry on the cake. This was it!. The rush, he just felt it and pushed forward!