Through the Aeroplanes

I was standing on a veranda of a certain hotel next to where I worked, then suddenly a petite woman showed up and ask me a favor. I thought she would ask me to do anything... you know, in bed but my expectations were far from what she asked: an interview for some sort of story writing.

"Do you ever make a decision that made you regret in the end?"

"I do."

"When?"

"Around 10 years ago, I guess?"

"For how much do you regret it?"

"...for my entire life."

***

It's been around ten years, and I can still remember what had happened on that day. I was a fresh graduate from an international university, and I worked as an engineer in the Philippine Airlines. I was twenty-one years old at that time, being the youngest among the thirteen engineers who worked there. I'm very lucky I was being recommended by my professor in my college school to work there. I was hired and worked after I got licensed a few months later after my graduation.

I met a girl from my college years. She's as tall as me; she had deep dimples placed in both of her pinkish cheeks. She had brownish eyes; her hair falls below her knees which makes her more attractive. She dreamed to be a flight attendant, and we had one class having the same schedule. We became close friends from just friends... and later, best friends. We had a long run, and the world turns upside down when the concept is not really for best friends. Yes, I fall in love with my best friend. We became silent lovers: I never thought she had feelings for me, too. I ask her to be in a relationship with me, but she just pinches me saying, "Just wait for the right time."

I won her heart, and we became a couple after our graduation. We worked together in the Philippine Airlines, and we work and be together as happy as we can be.

Yet, it's not the end of it.

...

"What can you promise me if we got married?" she asked me while we were eating in a certain restaurant one time. I proceeded to the next level.

"One thing for sure: I'll be your shadow every day." She gave me an unimagined look, but still pretty.

"Huh?"

"Just kidding. I've been looking through your slouchy face these days." I said.

"I'm just tired... I'm afraid I will have wrinkles soon enough."

"Well, I can promise you one thing for now: I'll be at your side at bad times and in good times, for better or for worse."

"Wow, you're practicing the lines right now." We chatted so much that we even forgot that it was already working time. I gave her a ride to go to the airport.

"Wear your smile always," I said as she opened the door to go out.

"Yes, sir!" and she kissed me on my left cheek. She went straight to her station while I went straight to the engineer quarters.

...

While I was checking the engine and the machines of one of the airplanes, I encountered a problem with it. It had loose bearings and it had to be fixed right away since it will travel soon, or else the flight must be canceled. I went into the maintenance and called out our head engineer. With a strict face, he went along with me on the airplane. We checked it together to see if it has really a problem.

"It is still okay," he said as he went along. "It can still sustain the trip for this time." I am not convinced of what he said.

"For this time? we need to be more careful this time, sir, since we got an air crash last 3 years ago. We need to fix this right now!" I became furious as I talked with him.

"Hey, I've been working here for 18 years, and I know things better than you do." I watch him closely, drawing something inside a box. "And there's nothing to worry about."

I stayed in my office after our talk. I'm puzzled about whose between of us is right. But instead of making myself stressed about that matter (and also I believe that Captain is better than me), I want to talk to Shen but her phone is off. I called Myrna, her co-worker:

"Uhm... she's taking a flight right now. So, her phone is in airplane mode."

I stretched my arm and decided to have a coffee with my colleague, Kher.

"So, you're dating Shen?" he asked me. He's not shocked, since he often saw us going and hanging out together. I nodded. "You're lucky you got the muse of our batch."

"A luck?!" and we both laugh. I feel my leg tickled because of my vibrating phone. I pick it up, and I got a call from Myrna:

"You have to do something!" she yelled as if she was in total shock.

"Myrna, what's happening?" I ask her. Kher gave me a sign who's calling. "It's Myrna."

"Renjay, there's another airplane crash that happened in Singapore." Singapore...

"And..." she trailed off.

"And?!"

"Shen is there." My hearing exploded when I heard her name. I dropped the phone suddenly from my hand. Kher rushed in front of me, telling me something but I didn't hear anything. I kneeled, and weep all along... all through. I want to blame someone for this, but I'm so weak to do it. I can't stop crying at that time, since I'm the one who checked that plane... I know there's something wrong with that, but I... I didn't... even bother to fix it. It's all my fault... it's all mine...

***

"I can see your resilience, though."

"But time cannot heal the scars brought by the past."

"Yet, at least you moved on."

"Well... I never thought it's worth a share."

"Sorry for bringing your story this time."

"It's okay, 'coz I've been whispering through the airplanes, sharing my griefs to it.."