Droplets of Rain

Walking alone in a lonely alleyway isn’t the safest way for a casual nineteen-year-old to spend her weekend. She should be at a party, hanging out with her friends, or watching a movie with a loved one. But this is the only shortcut to where I buried my heart. My sweetest and bitterest bittersweet childhood memories. My whole life was buried in the lone treehouse in the Merehill woods. The place where I made those bittersweet memories that I miss making so, so bad. No one spotted it, nor claimed it. So lonely it was. 

The path on which I was walking was blocked by a drop. A drop of water. More like rain. My head shot up to the sky, just to close my eyes and let the rain wash away my lonesome and lonely tears. I like that. Lonesome and lonely. Just like me. The droplets of the rain caressed my face, giving me a warmth that I hadn’t felt in years. A warmth of being wanted. A warmth of being cared for. But it is all fake. No warmth here, only cold, cold, and cold. Forever.

I continued my trail, letting the rain wet my plain black shirt and light blue faded jeans. I noticed goosebumps crawling upon me as I walked. The harsh cool winds that blew across me and around me already made me feel cold. But with the wet clothes and ice-clear droplets of rain, the feeling of being in the arctic during the winter was expected. My instincts immediately told me that I was going to get a cold, and possibly a cough to follow. Maybe a fever too. But I don’t mind. No wait, let me rephrase that. I don’t care. Never have and never will care. Ever.

Walking seemed to be chipping off my energy little by little as the heavy wet jeans I was wearing were making it harder and harder to walk. My eyes fixed on an old and tilted sign near me that read ‘Merehill Woods, this way’ with an arrow pointing towards the woods, on it. I’m almost there. Almost there. My mind chanted the words continuously as I sped up my walking speed. I was now running, allowing the still harsh winds to blow straight into my face and let my hair fly backward. This gave me a full sight of my surroundings as my caramel hair was now no longer in my face and blocking my sight. The green trees which used to look so full of color when I used to come here, now just looked dull and out of shape. Crazy how one thing can lead to another and then change your whole life afterward. Before I knew it, I was inside the treehouse, panting, still out of breath from all the running. Suddenly, I was taken aback.

                                           FLASHBACK

“We will always be friends, right Lennon?” a boy asked a girl, staring at her with his wide doe eyes and slightly parted lips. She was standing right in front of him. Both of them were in front of a large window in an old treehouse.

“Always Daniel, always.” the girl replied, smiling at him, eyes full of hurt and tears. How could someone not be hurt when their best friend tells them that they were going to be leaving them forever, and never coming back? The girl held in her tears, and hugged the boy, trying to be comforting and understanding. She’ll never see him again. She still could not get over the fact that this is the last hug she will get from him. Their last conversation. Soon, he will be gone. Gone from her life. Forever. Her eyes landed on the boy, who was weeping in her arms. “You will always be in my heart, ok?” her soft words wrapped Daniel up in a soft blanket of warmth. He nodded, tears still pouring out of his eyes. Just like rain. They hugged each other one last time, knowing that this is the end of them. 

                                          BACK TO PRESENT

A single tear dropped from my eye, as the sudden memories replayed in my head. Again and again. This is torture. Being alive, for this long, without Daniel is torture. This day is torture. Torture, torture, torture. My eyes shifted from side to side as I breathed in the scent of the treehouse. God, it was so old. Yet it never fell or crumbled apart. This place deserves an award, that is for sure. I looked down at my now almost-dry clothes and brush off some dust that I saw on my jeans. I harshly wiped the tear off my face and stared out the window in the treehouse. The same window where Daniel and I had our last interaction. Our last hug.

The sky was now getting lighter as I could see a little yellow light at the very tip of one of the houses that were far away from me. From the woods. From the treehouse. God, why can’t I let Daniel go? I want to let go. Live like all the other young women who go around partying, look gorgeous, and have handsome boyfriends who follow them everywhere they go. But the main question is how? How to let go? No one can just wake up one day feeling fresh and not remembering someone important to them. Definitely not me. I can’t imagine a day I hadn’t thought about Daniel. Especially today. Who can forget the day their best friend left them, for good? I can’t. Never, ever, ever.

I noticed an old and dusty-looking book in a corner and walked towards it. Picking it up, my eyes opened wide. The same eyes that were darting from side to side, staring and observing every single picture that was there. I had never gotten a taste of pain and hurt this well before. Oh god, I think I might just break down right now. 

We were so young back then. Our smiles, our laughs, and our happiness just broke my heart even more now. Ice-cold tears rushed out of my eyes as I threw the book away from me. I hugged my knees and curled up into a ball. My loud fast heart beating and whimpers and heavy breathing made it hard for me to hear or see anything. My soul was shattering. Every single piece that broke, was now running away from me. I lost them. My smile ran away from me, and now that little speck of light and hope I had left in me, was gone too? No one loved me anyways. They all ran away.

A sudden warmth spread over me like wildfire. But I was in the middle of a panic attack. Nothing made sense now. Until I realized what was happening. I was being hugged. Someone was hugging me. Giving me the warmth I desperately needed. Wanted. Didn’t have. I looked up. My glossy red puffy eyes met a pair of hazel honey-colored orbs. Someone’s eyes. A man’s eyes. I immediately got up, still sniffling. 

“Who are you?” I managed to slip out of my mouth, with a cracked voice. 

“Hey, hey, it’s fine. I’m Aaron.” the stranger tried to calm me. And maybe he succeeded. Just a little bit. I grew a tiny bit more confident and slipped out a little,

“I’m Lennon.” 

“Lennon,” Aaron repeated after me, making me feel anxious, “That’s a beautiful name,” he said, smiling at me. 

“Thanks,” I mumbled. This was very random. “You know, you didn’t have to comfort me, it’s just a waste of your precious time,” I added, trying to warn him. 

“I think I did,” he reassured me. “But what happened?” He sure was being curious. But I guess I didn’t mind.

“Not a big deal, just saw a few pictures of me and my childhood best friend.” I mentally hit myself for telling all this to a stranger I just met five minutes ago.

He looks at me. “You can trust me.”

How did he know what I was thinking?

"I think I just met you." I remind him. He seems to need that reminder.

"You know, I used to be just like you," he pauses for a second, recollecting his words and thoughts, "Lonely," he says, sighing. My eyes almost bulge out of their sockets. Before I knew it, we were sitting in the treehouse staring out the window. Chatting and admiring the sunrise. Just enjoying each other's company. I've never met someone so relatable before. Maybe this is destiny. Fate. That could be what brought us together. I was a little shocked by the fact that he knew this place. But he told me that he always came here when he was feeling down. Our conversation was long. That's when I realized something.

I get a sort of warm and cozy feeling when I see or talk to him. Maybe I can trust him. I haven't felt like this for someone in years, especially not this fast in such a short amount of time. It's something to feel that feeling now. For him.

Progress in the making. Maybe he can help me collect the broken pieces of my soul, and help put them together again. Just maybe. I smile at him and he smiles back at me, his eyes glistening in the now fully risen sun.

Maybe there still is hope in my lonely world.