Mary's Dream

It didn't take more than the first week I went to school, before people called me defiant. After being at school for a few days, a few of the older boys started calling me raggedy. No other name, just raggedy. I am not sure why they called me that, because I was wearing my favorite dress, a nice, light blue, checked knee length dress fit for church, one Mama made for me that I was extra proud of. I took exception to being called that name, which I won't repeat, for although some of my clothes were old and worn, they were always clean and mended. At recess, they got in a circle, and pushed me down. Now, Mama told me I was small for my age, but she and my brothers taught me how to defend myself. Those boys sure were sorry when I got up, and started kicking and hitting them. Some of them got bloody noses, others got pushed down and kicked. The teacher wanted me to say I was sorry, and I told her I would not do it. I said those awful boys started it, and they needed to tell me they were sorry for pushing me down. Well, that wasn't going to happen. “Mary”, the teacher said, You are too defiant. I’m sending for your Mama, to take you home.

When Mama got to school, and heard what had happened, she asked if the boys were being sent home. When the teacher said “No”, Mama said “Then I'm not taking my girl out. Those boys started it, She was just sticking up for herself. The Good Book says, “An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. That is not being defiant. Further, now I have to wash those clothes. Are those boys helping with that”? The boys involved snickered

at that, so the teacher made them stay after school and write on the blackboard “I will not bully other people 100 times, then they had to clean the blackboard”.

My Mama raised me to watch out for myself, not let others, especially boys, treat me like a fool, and to respect me. Mama taught me and my brothers to always be nice to others, and not make fun of them. Especially if the clothes they wore didn't fit, or were worn out. She explained that not everyone, like us, could not afford new clothes all the time.

Our school was a one room cabin, grades 1 to 12, with a few pre-school kids thrown in, sometimes more or less, depending on harvest and winter. School stayed troublesome for a few years because those boys tried to get me in trouble all day long. Stealing my lunch, or ripping up my homework, if they could get their hands on it. Their problem was, they weren't very good at what they tried, and constantly got caught. I earned better grades than those boys, and they were definitely jealous. I often helped the younger children with their lessons, which the teacher greatly appreciated, and everyone eventually understood I was not defiant, just proud of who I was, and firm in my beliefs. Even going to Church was a test with those boys. I could sing better, and remembered the words to the songs, and the sermons, better than them. The Pastor loved my voice, and frequently called on me to sing before the congregation. I don't remember when, but soon I was asked to take over the church choir, give them singing lessons, and choose psalms with the pastor.

When I was in my last year of school, the teacher and the pastor arranged a visit from the President of a nearby Christian college. The pastor had told him of my talents, and my work in the church, and the teacher had my report cards, and mentioned my help with the other children. President Johnson said he would like to discuss this with the school elders/regents, but said if all the discussions went the way he thought they would, he would be able to extend a full scholarship to me, if I would agree to keep my grades at a high level. I was very surprised. Mama did not have the money to send me to college, and I had decided it was not for me.

I really wanted to go to this college. I realized that it was probably my only chance to make a break from the life my Mama had. I knew it would be difficult for both Mama and I to separate, but I knew at an early age I wanted a better life than Mama had lived through. Mama often told me, usually during bad times, like when we had no money, that when she was young, she hoped to find a better life, but could not get past her circumstances of poverty, young marriage, and early children. I loved Mama, but wanted to break that cycle.

I asked so many questions of the President, that I ended up wondering if he would decide I was too much trouble, and not take me for the next semester. Important things like where would I stay (A women's Dorm!), food (University dining hall), cost of books (University funded, although they would be used), could I stay all year (No, but they would help me get home and back in the summer).

I didn't tell Mama, because I wanted to think about the college offer, and have answers to any questions she might have, before she asked them. I even considered running away, if I had to, just to attend this college. I dismissed that quickly, for I knew it wasn't a good Christian thought. It seemed like cheating, anyway.

After the meeting with President Johnson, I started doing things I never dared to do before. I started thinking how attending college would allow me to get a good paying job, allow me to move out from our shack, to a house with floors! Allow me to dress in different clothes every day, if I wanted. I didn't begrudge the way Mama raised me, she did the best she could, always with love in her heart

Now came the hard part. I had to tell Mama about going away to college, and get her to agree to it.