Grandma's Table

Josh’s bags were already packed and ready for the following day, when he would fly three states away. That's where Josh would start college, but first, Josh, his sister Emily, and their dad sat at their Grandma’s old oak dinner table. 

Grandma stepped into the room, a dish of lasagna held between mittened hands. She sat the dish in the center of the table, then took her place with everyone else. Steam curled up from the homemade lasagna. Dad was taken back thirty years, when Grandma first made the recipe. Josh and Emily remembered their childhood weekends at Grandma’s house, where they would argue at the table. Everyone knew that those times were gone, and after that night, there would be a new shift.

“You can dig in.” Grandma gestured to the pan. 

As soon as the words left Grandma’s mouth, Josh took a knife and cut himself a section of lasagna. Grandma did the same with a practiced hand. Dad and Emily cut their slices of lasagna with a slow, robotic precision. 

Josh slowly into his lasagna, and put the fork in his mouth. He chewed slowly so he could savor the nuances.

“I have to say,” Josh said, “I’m gonna miss your cooking.” 

“Who said you have to?” Grandma asked. “I can give you all my recipes right now.” 

“Thanks, but I don’t know if I’ll have the time to cook. Or money, for that matter.” Josh put a smile on the issue, but deep in his stomach, it bothered him. Even with scholarships propping him up, he’d fall into student debt. His foreseeable meals consisted of ramen noodles. 

“You’ll make it work.” Dad cut into his lasagna, and the layers collapsed. He stared at the smearing of pasta and sauce, while his anxieties mixed in his stomach. He’d done his best to prepare his children for the world, but Josh was the first time Dad would see the results of his work. If he hadn’t done a good enough job, his only son would plummet from the nest. 

“I mean, yeah. I can figure it out.” Josh twirled his fork between his fingers. 

“And if you every feel like you need help, you can lean on us.” Emily used her fork to reassemble her fallen lasagna. Like her brother and father, she felt something gripping at her intestines. Josh was not just her brother, but her best friend. They’d shared their entire lives together, and now they would be separated by thousands of miles.

Grandma glanced over the table and read everyone’s carefully guarded emotions. 

“I promise I’ll keep in touch,” Josh stabbed another bite of lasagna, “Though I might do well enough not to need help.” 

Dad dropped his fork onto his plate. 

“Are you sure?” He demanded. 

Josh leaned away from the table, unsure of what to do with the outburst. 

“It’ll be your first time away from home. Are you gonna remember to do your laundry? Or clean your room?” Dad continued. 

“I will, yeah. All I’m honestly worried about is…” Josh let his sentence trail off. This was supposed to be a happy time; he couldn’t ruin it. 

“If you’re worried you can stay.” Emily leaned forward. “I mean, college is pricey and–well, I’ll study on my own after school. You could do the same, couldn’t you?” 

“Artists can get away without going to college. I can’t,” Josh said. “I have to go, no matter the costs.”

Dad and Emily spoke over each other. Josh did his best to piece together the fragments of conversation he could make out, but the voices overwhelmed him. Grandma sat in her chair, eyes hard and shiny. She pounded her fist on the table. Dad and Emily shut their mouths and slinked back into their chairs. 

“I was terrified when I got married. I’d heard all the stories of young couples growing bitter as the years passed, and I was afraid that might be me and Grandpa in the future. I was scared of leaving my home where my parents could solve all the problems. 

“I went through with it, though. I moved into a new house and had to take on more responsibilities than I’d ever imagined. It looks easy now that I look back on it, but this was a hard time for me. I missed my old life. But do you know what? I learned so much to love about my new life. I think the same is gonna happen with everyone at this table.” 

When Grandma finished, she took a sip of water. 

The family glanced at each other and saw the strength in everyone’s eyes. Shoulders relaxed. Knotted stomachs unwound. Everyone grabbed their forks and enjoyed the evening. 

* * *

The family met once again, years later, at a funeral. Grandma had lived seventy-five years, then she had a stroke while she was grocery shopping. While she rested in her polished box, Dad, Josh, and Emily sat in the front rows of the church. When the pastor asked people to step up and saw a few words about Grandma, Dad was the first to the podium. 

Time had grayed his hair and stiffened his joints, but Dad was stuck in the past. New technology killed his job, and his severance wasn’t enough to retire on. Dad did his best to freelance in his industry, but nobody was interested in paying a person when they could use a machine. With his place in the world gone, he plummeted into the role of a Wal-Mart greeter. While he forced himself to smile at the shoppers, his sharp mind was focused on his lost place in the world. 

When Dad finished speaking, he moved back to the pew and patted Josh on the shoulder. It was his turn to go up and talk about Grandma, but his thoughts were sour. He was pissed with the stroke, with the funeral costs, and with himself for never visiting. 

College had been a screaming nightmare, and after it was over, Josh got a piece of paper that nobody was impressed with. Still, he got a job in his industry–at the very bottom of the ladder. He got paid as much as a fast-food employee and earned about as much respect. The years had siphoned away all the good in Josh and left a husk. 

When Josh wouldn’t stand, Emily did. While Josh struggled through college, Emily got herself an apartment. There she studied art and tried to get a business running online, but the world ignored her efforts. As rent climbed, Emily had to put away her paints and dedicate herself to two miserable jobs. Now she stands hunched over as she bears the weight of her crushed dreams. 

Once the service was finished and Grandma was in her final resting place, Dad took his children to the side to ask them to come over for lunch. Josh sighed and Emily winced, but they agreed to come over. Dad took his children to their old childhood home, where the old kitchen table was replaced by Grandma’s polished oak. Josh and Emily while Dad prepared lunch. Josh and Emily looked each other over like a dog and a cat seeing the opposite species for the first time.

“Painted anything recently?” Josh asked. 

“No. I’ve just been working, really,” Emily mumbled. “Um, are you doing okay?” 

Josh shrugged. 

With nothing else to say to each other, the two pulled out their phones. As time passed, a familiar smell wafted from the kitchen. Neither Josh or Emily could place it until Dad stepped into the room with a tray of lasagna. Steam curled up from the top layer of cheese. 

Josh smiled. It had been so long since he’d had good food, longer still since he’d had food that made his insides warm. 

“Grandma gave me all her recipes,” Dad said. “I hadn’t made any until now, so I hope it turns out good.” 

The family cut their slices of lasagna. They were quiet as they thought about the last time they’d sat at Grandma’s table together. As they thought about the words Grandma said, they looked into each other’s eyes. They saw the same strength they had all those years ago.