Ticker and the Reset

Ticker spent half her life trying to decide what decision would be best, and half her life wishing she had chosen differently. This was the time for her to reflect on most of those decisions. She sighed as she started on this road of self-reflection. She thought about when she was really young. The kids in her class weren’t bad kids, but they did seem to look for trouble. Trouble without being caught, that is. Ticker always felt like she was on the outside looking in. They seemed so very cool to her, always doing something daring and coming out on top. She so wished she could be like that. 

She remembered one time when this particular group of kids talked about breaking into Ms. Peach’s (their teacher) storage locker at school and raid it for all the treats they could grab. See, Ms. Peach always had some majorly yummy treats for the kids at school. And this group of miscreants thought that by raiding her locked storage unit, they could take all the treats for themselves. When Ticker overheard them, she thought this was her opportunity to “fit-in”. She invited herself into their group and quickly volunteered to be the one to break-in. The kids seemed surprised by Ticker’s eagerness to perform the most dangerous part of the plan. The talked amongst themselves for a bit about her proposal. She thought maybe they were deciding that she was actually pretty cool to step up for such an assignment, so she waited with an excitement that took her by surprise to see if she would be accepted. Barry, the so-called leader of the group, smiled sweetly at her and told her that she would indeed be the one to break-in and fill up the backpacks with the goodies.

The plan was for Barry to distract Ms. Peach. Barry was very charismatic, and Ms. Peach seemed to think he was a bright, friendly student who just needed a little guidance. Barry knew this and used it to his advantage whenever he needed to get out of turning in an assignment, or negotiating for a better grade on an exam. He’d be perfect as the distractor. Ticker just knew that Barry would be a success in life. His outstanding personality made him instantly likeable. She envied that easiness and likeability about him. 

Then there was Talya. One could always count on Talya to come out looking so innocent, regardless of her role in any of the group’s adventures. She would put on that pouty look, and the adults would melt and forgive her anything. She would be the one to sneak into the classroom and grab the key from Ms. Peach’s drawer, while Barry was distracting Ms. Peach with something that would cause her to leave the classroom for just a bi. It would then be Talya’s job to grab the key and run it over to Ticker. Ticker admired Talya from a distance. Truth be told she was in awe of her. She would watch Talya get out of trouble, mostly because she was so beautiful folks had a hard time thinking she could do any wrong, and when she’d get caught red-handed in something, she’d get forgiven pretty instantaneously. “Talya is just too pretty for her own good” folks would say. Oh, why couldn’t someone say that about Ticker? In the meantime, Delia and Dillon would act as lookouts for Ticker as she snuck in to get the goodies. Delia and Dillion were fraternal twins and were the first to rat anyone out, except for each other, if a game plan turned sour. Ticker thought they were so daring and wished she could be like them, throwing caution to the wind and protecting one another at all costs. Once she filled the backpack, the plan was for her to high-tail it to the big oak at the playground about a block from school and wait for the others to share in the booty.

And now here she was, one of them. Taking on the riskiest job of this plan. She could hardly wait to get started and impress her new found friends. Reflecting back on it, Ticker thought she should have been a little more suspicious of how quickly her so-called new friends were to have her take on this most dangerous task. But Ticker went head-on into danger, so very eager to make a great impression as the grabber of the goodies.

One can only imagine how this turned out. Barry did indeed distract Ms. Peach. Talya did for certain snatch and grab that key and get it over to Ticker, winking at her as she dropped it into Ticker’s outstretched hand. And although Delia and Dillion were no where to be seen, Ticker assumed they were on the lookout, regardless. She stuffed the backpack with as many of the goodies as she could. She couldn’t believe how easy a snatch and grab could be! She felt like she could conquer the world as she dashed off to the big oak at the playground to await the others.

They were waiting for her alright. Her so cool, new found “friends”, Ms. Peach, and the school security officer, Mr. Gamit. She was breathless when she got there not comprehending what had happened. “Well, well, well,” said Ms. Peach. “You children sure were right about Ticker. Trying to pull a stunt like this is bad enough, but to try to get you children to join her in such a terrible endeavor. I’m very disappointed in you, Ticker,” Ms. Peach went on. “We’ll see what your parents have to say on this.” Mr. Gamit took Ticker by the arm and Ms. Peach grabbed the backpack and was so proud of the “brave” students to turn her in, gave the backpack of goodies to them as a reward for turning in Terrible Ticker, as she was to become known as. As Ticker was being taken away, she caught a slight smile on Barry’s lips as he gave her a little air-kiss and a wink. Oh, how she wished she could go back and make a different choice. If only she could turn back time. She would have nothing to do with any of those liars and tricksters. Well, she never did see them after that fateful day. Ticker was expelled from her school and her and her parents ended up moving. New school, new experiences, new chances. But Ticker was still Ticker and she continued down the path of “what if” and “if only” wishing with all her heart she could turn back time.

Such as it was, Ticker continued to look for opportunities to fit in with others and just as predictable as can be, she’d make one poor decision after another, choosing the wrong group to align herself with, paying the price for it and wishing with all her heart she could turn back time and start all over again. There was that robbery of Mr. Clarkson’s widow. She did time for that and got out on good behavior, only to go back in on a failed, armed bank robbery. Then she started drinking, trying drugs, stealing wallets, purses, whatever she could dull her senses over her decisions, striving to feel no regret for the things she’d done and believing that time could stand still, and go backwards for her, so she could try things differently, make different friends, make better choices, whatever it would take to be better. She never finished school and had long been kicked out of her home. Her parents couldn’t take her anymore and moved away, giving her no address to return to. She was eighteen and on her own. All she wanted was to feel she belonged. Alright, she made a few bad choices, if she could just go back in time, she was sure she’d make different choices. The list continued. Her most recent decision is the one that locked her up for a one-way ticket. As a result of her actions, people died. How had she done this in her short, twenty-one years? She was awaiting her confessor before she took the one-way walk. Reflection, reflection… Suddenly something came to Ticker. What if she could turn back time? She would wish that constantly her whole life. Every bad decision, every conviction, she wished she could go back and do things differently. Do things differently. Didn’t she have that choice every day of her life? That revelation somehow gave her a calming sense of understanding. It didn’t matter how many times she could start over. Her decisions would always bring her to this point. Her whole life was about her choice and making good decisions going forward, not regretting decisions already made. When her confessor came, she had that slight smile on her lips as she gave him a little wink. She was finally ready. It was time.

La Fin