The cat's out of the back.

I sitting on my bed replaying the whole night over in my head, I was pretty sure Lola had suspected she was a very observant person and it was one of the things I loved about her but right now this quality I admired so much in her might have finally gotten me in trouble, I thought maybe I should call her and if she noticed anything she would say something and if she didn’t I had nothing to worry about but before I could make a decision about it I got a text from Lola asking me if I could go shopping with her tomorrow, I thought about declining at first but we hadn’t seen each other in six months because we were in different cities and but since her company in Manchester had sent her over here to Liverpool she and her boyfriend Tobi had decided to make a mini vacation out of it and we could finally have some chance to spend some time together when she wasn’t with him. I and Jamie her brother had gone to have dinner with them so we could finally meet Tobi, he was different from the guys she usually dated because he was quite tall and dark skinned, Lola’s track record had shown she liked short, dark skinned guys so I was a bit surprised when she first sent me his picture. He seemed to be a very nice guy and she seemed very happy with him which made me happy as well. I texted Lola back to confirm that I would be able to meet her for shopping since it was a weekend, and I didn’t have any plans plus I had extra time to tackle and maneuver any questions she would have for me ‘well, I guess I’m facing the music tomorrow then’ I thought to myself before I fell asleep.

    The next day I couldn’t stop thinking about how my meeting with Lola would go, I was a bit nervous and excited that we could finally have some much-needed girl time. When I got to the mall, I met her in the food court munching away at her burger

“hey, I thought we eat after shopping” she smiled at me and got up to give me a hug

“Sorry I didn’t get any breakfast this morning, so I thought I’d get something before you got here”. I nodded and sat across her.

“You left Tobi at the hotel?”

“No, he has plans”. I brought out my phone to check my email while Lola eats away at her burger.

“What do you think about him?”

“Girl, I like him I can see he makes you happy and that makes me happy too” she nodded still chewing away then she swallows.

“What about you, any man in in your life?”. I giggled

“You know that if there was, I would tell you” I said without making eye contact with her focusing instead on my phone, usually that statement was true but this time it wasn’t.  

“that’s true, but anyone you have you eye set on” suddenly my heart started racing I knew this game all too well Lola would beat around the bush asking questions till I confessed what she had already suspected but this time I knew not to fall for it, I couldn’t afford to.

“No, I’ve been so focused on work my social life has been nonexistent”. I said still very focused on my phone. She nodded. When she was done with her burger we started shopping and catching up, Lola wanted to get mostly shopping wear and lingerie so naturally I was there to give my opinions. She picked up a particular lingerie that was racy and I nodded in approval she said she would definitely buy it but she wanted to see how good it looked on her so I followed her to the dressing room so she could try it on, just then I got a text from Jamie telling that he had invited his friends over to watch the football game that evening and apologizing for telling me last minute since usually we told each other we would behaving guests a day before in case the other person didn’t want to be around when they came over which usually happened in my case, and then attached a funny meme to it so naturally burst out laughing and showed the meme to Lola, she gave me a serious look.

“Real talk, do you have feelings for my brother?” that had been the question I had been trying to avoid all day and now I had literally set myself up for it.

         I gave her a serious look in a bid to avoid being caught in a lie “No, why would you even ask?”

“I noticed you two have become very cozy”

“Well, is it that shocking? We literally leave together its expected for us to become more comfortable around each other, she gave me a suspicious look

“I know you; I know when you are smitten, and I can see the signs”

“Well maybe you need new glasses” I giggled.

“Well, if you have feelings for my brother, I don’t have a problem with that, I wouldn’t stand in the way of your happiness and if that’s Jamie just know I won’t be holding you back.” I can’t tell you how happy I was to hear that, I wanted to talk to her about it but even I hadn’t confronted the idea yet honestly, I was too afraid to admit that I might have fallen hard for my Best friends’ brother I was scared that she would be angry with me but now that I had her blessings maybe I could finally address these feelings and confront them head on. After Lola had worn the lingerie, I told her that she had to get it because it was amazing on her and I knew Tobi would feel the same way, after that we went to buy some other stuff, had lunch and went home. I kept thinking about what Lola had said and I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t know Jamie was standing there.

“Jess, what are you thinking about?  I’ve been standing here for the past minute and you didn’t even notice”

“just some work stuff” I lied.

“if you say so” I guess I wasn’t as convincing as I thought. “How was your outing? what did you get me” he smiled mischievously. “The usual, nothing” then I gave a mischievous smile and then proceeded to give him a shirt that I bought him.

“Thanks” then he gave me a kiss on my cheek, and I couldn’t help but blush like a schoolgirl. The truth is that I had feelings for Jamie, but I was too scared to admit it myself because we were roommates, and I didn’t want to make it awkward, so I had tried to pretend the feelings weren’t there. It was insane, how I had fallen for Jamie, it just seemed so cliché I had known him since I was 12 and I hadn’t really thought about him in any other way but after he came home last Christmas there was something different about him, he was more built, more mature, softer spoken, very different from the brooding and snobbish teenager that I had gotten used to, it was like he went through a full transformation both physically and mentally it was too obvious to ignore. It started as an innocent crush nothing too serious so I just figured the crush would disappear when the holiday was over, and we all had to go back to our different locations but apparently, the universe had other plans for me because I had gotten a promotion and a transfer at work,  just a few weeks after the holidays I had to move from Manchester to Liverpool which was Jamie’s city within a month but since coincidentally his roommate had moved out of the apartment just before the Christmas break he had a spare room,  I moved in with him and at first it seemed like the crush had completely disappeared but slowly those feelings started coming back again, being around him started to have effects on me that I hadn’t anticipated every time he was close to me, I could feel my heart racing, I missed him when he wasn’t around and I was excited when he was, whenever we hugged, I could feel goose bumps all over my body I kept telling myself it wasn’t really anything but a childish crush, but the more we spent time together the more I found out we had a lot in common we both loved history especially war history, the same music and both enjoyed cooking we never really spent any time together growing up, he was two years ahead of me and Lola in school and he was popular so hanging out with his sister and her geeky best friend wasn’t really his thing, so our only interactions were the ‘hellos’ we exchanged passing each other or the little conversations at the family dinners.

       A month after Lola left something terrible happened, I came back home from work to find Jamie making out with a blonde, white girl on the kitchen counter they stopped when I got in, so I tried to hide the obvious pain and disappointment I felt.

“Hey, sorry” Jamie said with the girl’s legs locked around him.

“Its fine, ill be in my room and out of your way”. I said in the most convincing tone I could use then I went to my room closed my door and screamed in my pillow which was then followed by tears I felt to betrayed it didn’t make sense to feel this way because he didn’t know how I felt, the gut wrenching feeling I had, made me lose my appetite. I had initially declined to go pre-drinking with my colleagues before they hit the club but I decided that it would best to join them now there was no way I was going to stay in this apartment with these two so I went to take my bath, do my make up and wore this shiny silver body con dress that Lola had given me on my last birthday I was going to drink and dance away this feeling, when I was leaving the house Jamie and his guest were watching a movie but Jamie seemed to be astonished when he saw me he didn’t say anything but it was evident by the way he looked at me, his guest just looked at me with a hint of disdain in her eyes but I didn’t pay them any mind I just left the house on my way to have a good time. When we got to the club most of us were a little bit wasted since we had taken shots in Sarah one of my colleague’s house and the club was lit so we were dancing and enjoying ourselves I went for four more shots and the next thing I know I’m cursing Jamie out loud and then I call him

“Jamie, how could you bring a girl home like that, you have always been a player and I can’t believe I let myself fall for you, like how can’t you tell, that you have an effect on me, I hate how you make me miss you when you are gone and how excited I get when you are around”

“stay put Jess, I’m coming to get you”

“No, I don’t want to see you”. With that he ended the call, sometime passed and the next thing I know Jamie is carrying me out of the club and that was all I remembered before I woke up the next day seriously hung over and suddenly everything that happened started to play in my head which made me freeze on my bed unable to move and hoping that Jamie had either traveled or moved away from the house so I wouldn’t have to confront him so I slowly tried to open the door to peep and see if he was in the hallway or around the apartment it seemed quite silent so I decided to make my secret hangover cure I was about to start when Jamie walked into the kitchen.

   I froze my heart was racing at a high speed, I secretly wished the floor could open and swallow me, but nothing happened it felt like time stood still, it also didn’t help that I was having a killer hangover.

“So, about yesterday what exactly happened”.

“Nothing” I said as dismissively as I could.

“That wasn’t nothing, let’s talk about it”

“It was a mistake I can’t even remember what I said, besides, I was drunk you can’t seriously take me seriously” I tried to leave the kitchen and then he stopped me.

“I didn’t know you felt that way, can we please talk about it?” he said in a calm and sincere manner, so I decided to give in.

“I don’t know how but I’ve fallen for you, like really bad I felt guilty for so long because you are my best friends brother you are supposed to be the last person I should have fallen for but it happened and I’m not sorry anymore, I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to make I awkward between us”.

“I feel the same way too” I nodded slowly and sadly.

“I’ll move out, by the end of the month”. He chuckled a bit and stood directly in front of me with only a little space between us

“I feel the same way about you, I’ve felt the same way for a long time and I just thought you wouldn’t feel that way too” and with that he kissed me.