Friend of Death

They both knew it would be inevitable to grow apart, but neither of them realized how much it would hurt. 

It was over. 

The impact of those three simple, but powerful, words were like a boulder smashing into a brick wall. It felt like a punch to the gut, a knife to the heart, a tear to the soul. What else was there to say? It took everything he had not to collapse into a sob of tears. It didn’t seem real. It couldn’t be real. A friendship that has lasted over 25 years was suddenly gone forever. No warning, no preparation, nothing at all. It happened quicker than the blink of an eye. Even the speed of light couldn’t reverse itself to stop the end of their friendship. Just the thought of it seemed silly, but it was no laughing matter. He wished to laugh at anything to make the pain go away, but nothing came out. His soul was empty. No light, love, warmth, none of that. All that was there was blank black darkness that turned his once warm heart into one that was stone cold with ice. 

The atmosphere around him matched the mood. It was cold and bitter, with no warmth all around. His bones ached from the biting wind and freezing rain, but it didn’t phase him any. The external world matched the depths of his heart, and it was all the same. There was no distinction with his emotions, and he didn’t care, he didn’t care how his feelings were in the depths of his heart. Why bother filling it with joy when there was no happiness in anything? Childhood memories were the worst, for they contained the most pleasure. Right now, though, they were the forces of pure melancholy and misery. 

Letting go was the hardest part, and he didn’t know if he was capable of it. 

How would life be the same again? How could he get up in the morning and go to bed while dreading the prospect of another tomorrow? His mind was flooded with all sorts of questions- questions he didn’t have the answers to any questions he wasn’t sure he could find answers for. Everything was moving so fast. Everything was flashing in front of his eyes and replaying itself in his head over and over again. It never stopped. It never slowed down for anyone. Life goes on for people, whether they like it or not. There is no pause button or control out there that can alter life to the way a person might want it. It’s like time since they both move forward and drag us along because it’s their duty. 

All of his life, he had sought after comfort and security. He had found it, but had been careless and watched as it slipped from his fingers. He wished to go back and grasp onto it tighter because he didn’t realize how much he would miss it after it was all gone. He was no longer a teenager, carefree, and on top of the world. He was now a middle-aged man who wanted everything but had nothing. The life many thought he lived was an illusion. Most people didn’t care to notice the difference. He tried denying the truth to make it go away, but it was in vain. It was obvious. The writing was on the wall, clear as day. Everyone knew it, so why try to deny it? Maybe he didn’t want the friendship to end, and he was trying to find some way of salvaging it. Yet, this was an incident where nothing could retrieve the end result. It was done. It couldn’t be reversed in any form, shape, or way. It was in stone. 

Everything was against him. He was against them. 

Everything was falling apart. He was falling apart. 

Everything was lost. He was lost. 

The world had made their choice so he would make his. 

It was an obvious choice, so why not? The friendship was over, so what was the point? The bond had been severed, so there was no use. Now, he was on his own. Everything would go right back to the start and begin again. No more mistakes. It would be a perfect slate, a new slate. Many would expect him to heal and move on, but he wasn’t like most people. He was his own person and would do what he saw best as the way moving forward.

He knew what his friend would’ve wanted, and there was no doubt in his mind that he would’ve done the same thing if he had been in his shoes. Most people would think that it was a crazy idea, but they had always been seen as mad in some form. They weren’t like most people when it came to their friendship. They had spent many hours discussing these things and coming to an understanding of who they were in the world. They had their own identity that no one could take away from them, and even with the friendship being over, that was one of the few things that remained. 

Some friendships have a bond that’s deeper than what’s seen at the surface. So that was why he decided what he had to do. It would surprise most people considering how recent the friendship had ended, but they would understand as time went on. They would know why he did it and how it was the only option he had that could produce the end result he wanted. It was a friendship that he didn’t want to continue pumping life into if it was severed. It was a crazy choice, but one that he saw no other alternative toward. It was the only way forward.

He looked at the picture of his friend and smiled, knowing that this would grant him the closure and peace he sought to have after this tragic end to a lifelong friendship. It was the only way he could find any peace. So Noah closed the casket holding Robert’s body before picking up the gun.

Moments later, a shot rang out.