Difficult-Tea

Darla and Desiree are twins. Not the identical kind. The fraternal kind. And they really couldn’t be more different.

Desiree was born first. According to their mother, birthing her was a breeze. She just came on out, 5 pounds of pink perfection. Of course she cried, but it was short lived and she settled in happily to the warm blanket the nurse swaddled her in. Darla was a different story. Of course, like so many second of twins, she was breech. Difficult from the get go. Their mother ended up needing a C-section for Darla to be born safely. And their mother never let Darla forget that she was the problem child. Oh, it was always meant in fun, but Darla tired of it at an early age.

Desiree was always a good eater and sleeper as a baby. Desiree would drain her bottle and give up her burps easily. She ate every new food put in front of her. She started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old and always woke up happy. Darla needed special formula and still spit up regularly. She refused to eat any vegetables. She usually showed her disdain for any food she didn’t like by flinging her bowl off the high chair. She wouldn’t sleep through the night without needing a bottle or a diaper change until she was at least 2 years old. It was just so much easier to love Desiree because she was easy. Darla was loved, too, but she was just difficult. Their mother’s love for Desiree came easily and voluntarily, it seemed, but her love for Darla had to come from that innate love a mother has for her child.

As toddlers, Desiree was precocious and adorable. She was agile and laughed all the time. She used her imagination and would play by herself for long stretches of time or babble to herself while flipping through a picture book. Her favorite word was, “Why?” She loved to ask things like, “Why dogs bark and not meow, Mommy?” or, “Why tigers have stripes, Mommy?” That natural curiosity is probably why Desiree became a kindergarten teacher. On the other hand, Darla was clumsy and irritable. She would get frustrated easily when she couldn’t get a toy to do what she wanted and would throw it and have a temper tantrum. She couldn’t play very well on her own, but she would get irritated when her mother would try to play with her but it wasn’t the right way – the horse was put in the wrong place in the barn or the blue block didn’t belong on top of the green block or the page on the book got read the wrong way. Darla’s favorite word was, “No.” Can Mommy change your diaper? “No.” Would Darla like a cookie? “No.” Let’s pick a book to read! “No.” Her favorite word is probably what led Darla to become an insurance claims adjuster. She told people, “No,” a lot as part of her job. Lots of people didn’t like Darla because of that.

In school, that’s when Desiree and Darla really started to notice the differences they had and lived. Desiree loved school. She learned easily and adored helping her teachers by running errands to the office or getting to erase the marker board or helping pass out papers. Her teachers always had to put a comment on her report cards about being too social. She always had a solo speaking or singing part in every winter concert or spring musical. She played soccer in the fall and ran track in the spring. Goalie and hurdler. She was described as, “Coachable,” and, “Team player.” She made the honor roll every semester. She graduated in the top 10% of her high school class. And yes, she was indeed Homecoming Queen her senior year. For Darla, school was a chore. Even with glasses on, she always needed to sit near the front of the room to see the board. The teachers always seemed to move too fast through the material for her so she always felt like she was rushing to keep up. She made careless mistakes on her math homework, forgot to put her name on her papers at least once a week, and always seemed to be missing her pencil or notebook or textbook. When they had to work in partners or small groups, no one ever wanted to work with Darla. In grade school productions, she was always in the back row, usually hidden behind someone taller than her, and she just mouthed the words to the silly songs they would sing. Her after school activity was usually detention for talking back to a teacher or for having too many tardies or shoving another student. Teachers would often write on her report cards that she was distracted or disorganized. Darla never attended a single high school football game or dance. She never even had a boyfriend in high school. She graduated with a solid C average and was not memorable for being anything – not homecoming queen, not a bully, nothing.

Desiree went off to college and had the time of her life. She majored in education and joined a sorority. She lived in the dorms for the first 2 years with the same roommate, Cecile. The last 2 years, she and Cecile moved into an off-campus apartment with 2 other girls, Anna and Bella. The 4 girls thought it was the cutest thing ever that their first names were A, B, C, and D. They’re all teachers and all still friends. Darla’s path was different. She attended a community junior college and got an associate’s degree in applied science, focusing on accounting. She lived at home the whole time. The junior college didn’t have much campus life, but Darla wouldn’t have been interested anyway. After she graduated, she started working for an insurance company and saved up enough money to get herself her own apartment so she moved out of the home where she had lived for 23 years in the shadows of Desiree and the dimness of her mother’s bare minimum love.

But what is the relationship like between Desiree and Darla? They’re twin sisters, after all. There must be a special connection, right? Of course, they love each other, but they definitely have different views of the world, nurtured by their own lived experiences, and they each have a hard time understanding the other. They talk about all this every Saturday morning over tea. They alternate going to each other’s home – one Saturday they meet at Desiree’s condo, the other they meet in Darla’s small apartment. Desiree thinks Darla enjoys being difficult. She thinks Darla could be happier if she just changed her attitude. Instead of thinking the whole world is against her and being so defensive all the time, Darla needs to wake up each morning and choose happiness. Desiree tells Darla she gets what she gives. Desiree suggests Darla keep a gratitude journal so she can be conscious of the blessings she has in her life. Darla thinks Desiree doesn’t understand what it’s like to live in the shadow of a perfect sibling. She tells Desiree that everything has come easy to her and she goes through life wearing rose-colored glasses. Desiree acknowledges that they’re different. She even agrees that their mother seemed to have an affinity for Desiree. But Desiree thinks Darla doesn’t give their mom enough credit for being a working mom of twin girls. She tells Darla it could have been so much worse – after all, their mom never abused or neglected Darla. Darla tells Desiree it’s exhausting living a life where she never seems to be enough. She tries to explain how hard it was as a little girl to feel that but not understand it, but now that she understands it as an adult, it doesn’t make it any easier. They end each Saturday morning tea time with a hug. Desiree always leaves with the feeling that Darla is difficult but she keeps pushing in order to help her sister and someday, Darla will see things her way. Darla, though, always leaves feeling that Desiree doesn’t get it and she never will, that Desiree doesn’t see things her way because she doesn’t want to believe that the world just isn’t a fair place. Desiree leaves mostly happy, with just a touch of sadness or even pity for Darla. Darla leaves mostly unhappy, with just a touch of sadness and anger that Desiree seems to pity her.

Everything blew up two weeks ago when Desiree announced her engagement to her college sweetheart, Tom. He proposed to her while they were away on a weekend trip to a winery with all their fraternity and sorority friends. He got down on one knee in front of everyone with the lush vineyard in the background and gave the sweetest speech about Desiree being his better half and not being able to live without her and all the other cliches, then presented her with a whopper of a ring – two carats of oval cut diamond set in platinum. Desiree clapped her hands to her cheeks in shocked surprise at the sight of the ring and Tom’s sweet words, said yes, and cried pretty as he slipped the ring on her perfectly polished finger. Darla and her mother saw the whole thing as they watched the video one of their friends had taken of the whole thing. Their mom gave Desiree such a tight hug and cried tears of joy, saying, “My baby girl is getting married!” Now that the family had been told, Desiree could finally post the video on social media and make her engagement Facebook official. The video had almost a thousand views, 354 likes, and 202 comments, all variations of, “Congratulations!” and, “You will make the most beautiful bride!” 

After the little impromptu celebration at their mother’s house had finished and Desiree and Tom had left, Darla stayed behind to help her mom clean up. Of course, their mother was just so happy for Desiree. She just had to ask Darla if she had a man in her life. Darla had braced herself mentally because she knew this would be coming – the comparisons always happen. Her mother was disappointed when Darla told her no and that she had no interest in finding a man – or a woman, for that matter – and getting married and having 2.3 kids and a house with a white picket fence in the suburbs or any of the other stereotypical expectations society placed on women. None of this surprised her mother, but it did make her sad. She told Darla she was so worried that no man would ever want her if she didn’t take care of herself more in the appearance department or try to have a more positive attitude, and that it worried her that Darla might die a spinster. Initially, Darla wondered who even used that word anymore, but then she got defensive and tried to explain again that she wanted none of those trappings. Her mother simply sighed and said quietly, “You’ve always been so difficult. Why couldn't you just be more like your sister?” And Darla decided that was it. She was done. Done being belittled and poo-pooed and thought less of and compared to Desiree. 

And now it’s two weeks later. Saturday morning at Darla’s little apartment. Time for tea with her sister. Darla decided that today, she would make sure that she never had to endure the endless comparisons to Desiree ever again. No more feeling inadequate in her looks, her attitude, her choices, her job, her home, her love life (or lack thereof). No more lectures from Desiree about gratitude journals and attitude adjustments. They ended today. Darla needed peace. And this Saturday morning tea was going to give her the opportunity to end that pain. Desiree sat at the kitchen table, in her usual spot, with her back to the sliding glass door that needed to be cleaned. She was starting her usual litany of questions, “How are you, Darla? How’s work? Do you even like your job? It must be so depressing. Have you ever thought of getting a different job? Maybe going back to school? Do you ever go out and have fun? You won’t make many friends with your attitude.” Blah blah blah. It was always the same lecture. Darla’s back was to Desiree as she prepared their tea. But this tea was special. One cup, she added a splash of milk, like usual. The other, she added a healthy spoonful of sugar from the crusty little sugar bowl on the counter. But this Saturday, that sugar had been replaced with rat poison. Not a pretty way to go, but effective. Darla gave the tea with the poison in it a few good stirs then set the spoon down on the counter. She picked up both cups and turned to face Desiree with a sad smile on her face.

Darla handed Desiree the cup with the milk in it as she put the other cup to her lips.