Lorana

The air was soft and warm as it blew through the wire screen door. It wasn’t locked and the soft breeze made it bang intermittently against the door frame. The wind whirled around the still furniture, coasting over the wooden floor, snaking it’s around the dark red river of blood that was beginning to seep through the floor. A toddler bent over in the corner, fidgeting and trying to sleep, sucking on her thumb in hopes that someone would wake her from this nightmare.

The home sagged into the land it sat on, the land Lorana had bought over 2 years ago so her and her daughter would have a home. Lorana had busted her ass, picking up extra shifts at FedEx sorting packages, after her daytime shift as a waitress at the local diner. She and her daughter, Toni, whom she named after her favorite singer, had made a simple life together on the land she had managed to buy.

“Make my heart, you make my heart” she would soft sing as she laid Toni down to sleep. Lorana never trusted the free sheets that were given to her by well-meaning charities and would wrap Toni in her *clean* apron and keep her close to her heart. Toni would be fast asleep and Lorana would study every inch of her face, memorizing every perfect line. The way her eyebrows were blond but her head was already full of deep chocolate brown hair (just like her mom’s) and way her nose was pointed slightly to the right (like her dad’s) and her perfect little pink lips pursed together. Or the way her tiny fingers would grip themselves into a fist, as if she was perpetually fighting. Toni’s coming into the world was unexpected but Lorana had never felt more certain in her life.

Lorana had grew up in an average home, with an average family, with average expectations. Lorana never wanted to go to college, but she was not sure of the alternative. Lorana did not want to join the military nor she did not have any handy skills. She was certain was perfectly mediocre and longed for a sign from the universe for what she should do. Lorana just wanted a second to think, a second to figure out things. She tried to tell her parents, but they kept pushing her to get out and go to college. She got into a state school even though Lorana did not want to accumulate the student debt. She just wanted to exist for a second. Even after the first semester, Lorana had not made much progress. If anything, she felt more lost than before. Nothing grabbed her interest, and she had blended into the background, locking herself in her dorm room, staring blankly out the window. She would surf the internet and for fun, while drinking boxed wine, she started kept clicking until she found websites about living in the country, owning a piece of land. There she spent hours, looking at acres of land, and all that space. There, she felt a twinge in her heart. That seemed right-the concept of  owning her own piece of land, maybe even building a house. She had only used a hammer to hang up mirrors and pictures before, but she wanted this, and she was certain. Slowly, she started picking up odd jobs, skipping classes, and putting money in her savings account.

One night after a long shift, Lorana went to a dive bar outside of town. It was Tuesday night and quiet. She ordered a vodka bitter, strong, just the way she liked it. She saw him sitting a few seats down, black haired tied in a tight ponytail, guitar strapped to his back. Lorana did not pay him any attention. She could tell what kind of guy he was a mile away. Someone forgettable and quick. Still, she caught him glancing at her and thought, why not? It has been a while since anyone had even noticed her. She smiled in his direction and as he walked over to her, she looked over at his dark brooding face. Thin lips, a slightly crooked nose, and deep black eyes. Still, he was nice and polite. He took her home and there she let him study her intimately and drank up the attention his body gave hers.

The next morning, she wrote down her number, but did not expect anything to come of it. He had mumbled his name and punched his number in her phone, but she had deleted it a few days after they hooked up.

Two weeks later, she got a random text and had forgotten all about him.

Who is this? she texted, and he replied Darren. We met at the bar

She had been looking at parcels of land to buy and starred at the screen. The bar? Oh crooked nose! She texted back. Oh, hey what’s up? He said Did you wanna come over?

They hooked up multiple times in the past few months, always at his suggestion. Lorana liked him well enough. He was kind to her and bought her drinks at the bar and listened to her grand ideas of living off the land. And she did the same, although his ideas were short term: Buy a motorcycle, ride up and down North America and maybe even cross over Central America and keep going until he hit the bottom of the earth. She liked him well enough but kept him at a distance. He was not part of the plan. In fact, she wanted to be mostly left alone. She would tell him “no” but he always texted her with enough time in between to make her miss him just a little.

And then one day, after all this back and forth, he stopped by her apartment, with flowers in his hand. She was on her way out-she would always tell her parents she was out to “class” but really it was to work or to the bank or catch a ride to an open spot somewhere to look at what land was being sold. She had been eyeing a parcel of several acres at least an hour outside of the city, one with a well and even the foundation to build something. She was not expecting him at her front door.

“Hello Lorana.” He bent in for a kiss, but she got nervous at his sudden appearance and gave him an awkward hug. He blushed and then held out the flowers. She looked at them and then shut the door behind her. “These are for you, “ he said as she walked passed him, not taking the flowers.

He stood there and looked after her, “Well aren’t you going to say something?!” he yelled after her. Taking a deep sigh, she turned around and looked at him. “Look Darren, this is fun, the thing we have, but um, maybe we should take a break. I’ve got school and you’ve got your motorcycle.” He stared at her, unblinking, while she said this and she patted his shoulder out of pity. He grabbed her hand and smirked and kissed the top of it. “Oh don’t worry you can’t say no for too long.” He threw the flowers over his shoulder onto the sidewalk and walked past her, hoping on his motorcycle and speeding off.

Over the next two months, Darren would intermittently show up at her job, at her apartment, around campus.  She was not nervous at first, but then he started hanging outside every day, just waiting on his motorcycle. She was not going to let this fragile man get in her way. But after he kept persisting, she grew cautious. She took on shifts early in the morning (at a time he never showed up at), and always caught a ride home with a coworker. Her roommates would keep a look out for her, but she grew worried about their safety.

Then one day, her period did not come. Shit, shit, shit. She had a friend buy her three different pregnancy tests. All positive. She was not sure what to do. Only thing she knew for certain was that Darren was not going to know. She had seen it before; one child would make him appear in her life forever. Darren was like an annoying little fly that just would not go away.

And then, just like that, the universe provided. She had enough money for a small parcel of land-the one that was an hour outside of town. There was a shed she could live in on the property, while saving money to buy a home to put on the land. She bought it right away and as the months pass and her stomach grew, she set up the shed to live in, crib in the corner, and window to the outside world.

7 months in, she called her parents. No one was home, she left a voicemail that she was pregnant, and she was going to keep the baby. No one ever called her back. She quit school and delivered Toni in the bathroom of her shed, all by herself.

She had saved enough to take care of her and Toni for a year and then she looked for third shift jobs where she could sneak Toni in. In the year that she had left the city, she become increasingly worried that Darren was going to show up. She had extra locks on her doors and had set a trap right at the entrance of her land. She gated it off and had cameras at the entrance and decoy cameras placed around her land.  

 A year, then two passed and Toni had gotten used to going with her mommy to work at night. Most of the time Toni would fall asleep, but lately she got an energy spike around 2am and whiped around the diner (her mom would be moping the floor, and refilling the one or two customers that would be sitting there). Toni would weave in and around the chairs, giggling and pulling things on the floor. Lorana would chase her around, half playing, half picking up whatever her tornado of a toddler threw to the ground. One night, it was empty (as usual) and Lorana thought she heard the door ding as someone walked in. Lorana went out but before she could enter the dining room, Toni rushed out and jumped in the booth with the customer.

“Well hello there, looks like I’ve got some lovely company.” Lorana paused and frowned-that sounded a lot like-

She could hear Toni giggle and then the man said, “And it looks like your hair is just as long as mine!”

Lorana peered around the corner and there he was, slicked back ponytail, slightly pointed crooked nose and she could spot his motorcycle outside. Fuck, fuck, fuck…did he stop here on purpose? Maybe he did not remember her. Yeah it’s been a few years, he probably has moved on by now.

Toni leapt up and ran towards her, clutching at her leg. Darren’s eyes followed and met Lorana’s. He smirked and sighed (happily she noticed) to himself. He picked up a toothpick, and chewed on it a little bit, never taking his eyes off Lorana. Toni, meanwhile, was running around, pulling silverware off the table. But Lorana was frozen in place. He sighed and gestured to the table and she slowly walked over there, trying to look as normal as possible.

She stood frozen, saying nothing and Darren looked up at her, “Man the service is terrible here. “She snapped out of it and then grimaced, taking out her pen and pad of paper, Toni running towards her again, clutching at her leg. “What would you like?” He pulled out the toothpick and pointed it at her and whispered “You.” Then he emitted a cruel, loud laugh and pounded the table. She frowned and cleared her throat and then loudly said, “Sure I’ll get that coffee for you!”

Lorana, quickly but not too quickly walked to the back, Toni clutching her leg as she walked. Lorana looked at the cook and whispered, “Hey can you grab that coffee? I need to go check something in my car.” The cook shrugged and mumbled something and Lorana, as quietly as possible with a toddler wrapped around her leg, walked towards the back and got into the car.

“Mommy!” Toni yelled as Lorana buckled her up.

“Ssssh sweetie, sssh, Mommy and you are going home. “She gave her a toy to calm her nerves and then quickly got out of the lot, speeding down the highway, glancing in the rearview mirror the whole ride home. At 3am the highway was deserted and every time she saw a headlight, she almost wanted to scream but Toni was finally asleep and Lorana just wanted to be in her home. Her house was deep on her land, down a small dirt driveway that was mostly unmarked, save for a bent mailbox. But he wouldn’t know where she lived.

She put Toni to bed and got her rifle. She took a chair and aimed it at the door. She waited and waited, until the sun just about peeked over the tops of the trees and her eyes were heavy with sleep. And then a rustle gave her a start. She jumped and saw the lock on the door moving. She tip toed towards the door and unlocked it from the inside. The rustling stopped and she stood back, gun aimed, finger on the trigger. But nothing happened. Then a sudden gust of wind snaked through the house and banged opened the door.

She saw his eyes first, but they no longer looked kind. She fired the gun but it hit the door frame as he jumped on her, knocking the gun from her hand. She kicked him and he rolled over. She scrambled towards the gun and he reached out to grab her ankle, but she kicked him in his face. “Mother fucker!” he yelled as she stood up, gun pointed at his head, heel digging into his chest.

“I’ll blow your goddamn brains out if you don’t leave right now, “ She whispered harshly, the muzzle of the gun digging into his forehead. He held up his hands in defeat. There was a brief pause that felt like eternity but he said, between ragged breaths, “Is she mine?”

“She’s mine because I’m raising her. Now, will I have to blow your goddamn brains out or are you going to leave?”

His hands were still in surrender. “You could have told me Lorana, we could have been a family.”

Her finger on trigger trembles slightly. “I didn’t want you in this. Any man would have loved to be left alone. But you couldn’t just leave us be. You couldn’t leave me be. You don’t own me. You don’t own us. It is my decision. Now, leave or I swear to Jesus your blood will be everywhere.”

“Mommy?” Toni stood at doorway, rubbing her eyes. Lorana looked up, “Oh sweetie-“ Darren swept out his leg and knocked her over, the gun flying through the air, he grabbed it and fired a shot into her skull. Lorana screamed out and reached out her hands and knocked him down as Darren stumbled backward, tripping over Lorana, the rifle falling from his hands and bouncing on the ground , firing a shot in his shoulder.

Toni screamed and screamed and crawled over, “Mommy! Mommy! MOMMY!” she called over and over and over again, as Darren crawled backwards, blood everywhere.

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The air was soft and warm as it blew through the wire screen door. It wasn’t locked and the soft breeze made it bang intermittently against the door frame. The wind whirled around the still furniture, couch, the tv and wooden floor. The air woke up Toni as she was curling next Lorana, in a pool of her own blood. Softly, the tears hit the floor.