The Cabin in the Woods

“A cabin in the woods is surely the most obvious place for a cast of characters to come together and end up with a Mr. Dean White lying dead on our turtle shell tabletop. Each of you is a suspect, and no one is innocent until proven otherwise. I would like to start with the wife of the late Mr. White. Mrs. White, if you would please join me in one of the bedrooms the rest of you, I would recommend you stay here in the living room to avoid any more chaos.” 

Detective Finn Deal walked a sobbing Mrs. White into the furthest bedroom down the hall of the massive one-story cabin. Sitting around the coach and in leather chairs were the horrified guests. From left to right there names are as follows: Coby Miller and Suzan Miller, a close friend of the Whites, Sheriff Collins, Dr. Glennsworth, and his wife Andrea Rigatti(for obvious reasons, she didn’t change her last name), and the butler, Frank Hollister. 

“Well shit,” the Sheriff said while clutching his holster, “I’m going to get a drink from the kitchen. Anyone wanna come?”

“Yes, I’ll join you,” said Mr. Miller, and up immediately stood up and disappeared behind an oak door with the Sheriff.

“I think I’m going to go outside for a smoke,” said the doctor while opening the screen door to the front porch. Andrea, looking frustrated, stormed off to one of the bedrooms, which made Mrs. Miller rushed off to comfort her. All that remained in the living room was a sobbing Butler staring at the dead body of Dean White. 

Scene 1: The Kitchen 

“Why the hell am I being dragged into this! Do you know who did this? I swear to god if you involve me in a murder case, I’ll kill you!, the sheriff yelled at Mr. Miller while pouring himself Brandy into an elegant glass. 

“Shhhh! Would you keep your voice down,” Mr. Miller whispered while looking around, “You know that I wouldn’t do something like that. Between you and me, I think it was Andrea. She’s been acting crazy ever since we got here.”

“And what sort of crazy are you talking about. I wasn’t a part of this trip I joined last night for… well, you know what.”

“Well, it supposed to celebrate Mr. and Mrs. White's anniversary; you know the wives hang out at the house gossiping and getting drunk while the guys go hunting out in the woods. Dean had the greatest guns I’d ever seen; things had no kick on them. All these attachments too.”

“Ok, but what bout Andrea and the Doc?”

“Oh. Well, you know they are a newer couple. After the Glennsworth cheated on his ex-wife with Andrea-

“Are you serious? I thought Doc and Leslie just didn’t get along.”

“Yeah, why do you think he cheated. Anyway, you know who told Leslie about the whole affair, right?”

“I didn’t even know there was an affair.”

“Well, it was Dean White,” Mr. Miller said, looking at a shocked Sheriff.

Scene 2: The Guest Bedroom

“All he does is smoke that stupid pipe, screamed a crying Andrea as she shoveled clothes into her suitcase, “Can’t he tell that I’m clearly in shock and need to be comforted!”

“I know, sweetie, but it will all be ok,” said the comforting voice of Mrs. Miller.

“He’s been driving me insane ever since he lost his medical license a year ago. This is all too much I knew I shouldn’t have come. I know that you all don’t like me very much anyway.”

“Hey that’s not true! We love you Andrea.”

“What are you talking about!? Dean was such an asshole to me on this trip. Nonstop insults about how I look and how I’ll never be anything more than a dirty whore.”

“Jesus that’s so mean.” Then it dawned upon Mrs. Miller, “Andrea you didn’t kill Dean did you.”

“What!? Of course not! Look I know it looks like it may be stacked against me but come on you really think I would murder someone over a dirty attitude?”

“Yeah I guess you are right,” sighed Mrs. Miller. 

“Also who is that cop?”, asked Andrea.

“Oh he’s an old friend of Dean and my husband.”

“Well he was shitfaced last night like I’m surprised he didn’t spend the night. He also looked super paranoid when we were all sitting around waiting for the detective to come.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well he was clutching his belt and his holster, but there was no gun in there.”

Scene 3: The Porch 

Doctor Glennsworth was outside smoking his pipe. The cool night air reminded him of a simpler time. A time when he was in love with his first wife and wasn’t cheating on her with the screaming Andrea found highly stressed in the bedroom. He thought to himself, “where did I go wrong.” All he wanted to do was be with his new lover(yes the doctor has not learned from his ways), but that wasn’t possible at the moment. As he listened to the crickets and felt the cool night air blow against his jeans and shirt, he noticed something very particular hidden with the bushes. He reached in and pulled out a pistol, police issued.

Scene 4: The Living Room 

The Doctor ran back inside clutching the gun and screamed, “Detective I think I should see this.” At that moment everyone ran back to the living room to try and attempt to understand what was happening. The detective ran in and saw the gun in his hand and immediately snatched it from him and inspected it.

“Police issued,” he said to himself. He looked up at the Sheriff's belt and noticed that the holster was holding nothing. 

“Well aren’t you a sorry excuse for a Sheriff!, screamed the detective, “If you didn’t kill Mr. White, you are most certainly losing your job!”

“For what?!, yelled the Sheriff, “Anybody in this room could have stolen this gun”.

“Yeah, but you were drunk last night!, Andrea said pointing at him.

“Well, well, well, Sheriff, drunk on the job? Negligence in the line of duty? You are going to have a hard time explaining that to a judge, said a disgusted Detective Deal. 

“I didn’t do it! Why would I have thrown my gun into the bush”, said the Sheriff.

“Because we could have matched the bullet inside Mr. White’s head to the ones inside the gun and found out that they are probably exactly the same”, said the Detective as he placed the gun next to Dean Whites body and approached the Sheriff.

“Why would I do it.” At this the Detective stopped talking and thought and finally said to the group: “Does anybody have any information that would give this man a motive?”

Before anyone could answer the Butler moved for the gun and grabbed and pointed it out at the guests and the two lawmen. 

“No one will move closer or I will shoot”, yelled the Butler, “I am only going to say this once so everyone better listen. Mr. White and I we’re having an affair. Mrs. White found out. This over a year ago and nothing ever happened. I found out that Mrs. White as also having an affair with someone but I have no clue who, but I have the oddest feeling that she is the one who killed her husband. I loved that man and I always will. I can’t live without him.” At that moment the Butler pointed the gun into his mouth and pulled the trigger.

“No”

“Oh my god”

“AHHHH”

“Jesus Christ”

“Damn it”

The living room was full of screams and then silence as the Butler had fallen on top of his lover. 

“Tell me who you were having an affair with”, yelled the detective.

“He’s lying, said Mrs. White sobbing.

“Don’t lie to me!”

“It’s me”, and at that moment Doctor Glennsworth stepped out and revealed his new lover. Everyone stood there shocked.

“How could you?”Andrea said blank faced and motionless. 

“Oh shut up”, said the Doctor. The Sheriff got up and revealed something that may have shocked the entire room: “Detective, he lost his medical license about a year ago and probably needed the money.”

“If he got with Mrs. White he could be rich once more. And so he plotted to murder Mr. white and marry Mrs. White and receive all the money. He possibly could have planned to kill Mrs. White once he was done with her. Isn’t that right Doc.” At that moment the Doc made a run at the gun and at the same time the Sheriff ran at the Doctor. Glennsworth picked up the gun and fired it right as the Sheriff made connection with the Doctor. The bullet dug into the heart of sheriff Collins, the gun was knocked across the room and Glennsworth hit the floor. The detective immediately ran over to put handcuffs on the Doctor, after he did this he went over to the bleeding out Sheriff.

“I’m sorry detective, the Sheriff said almost breathlessly, “I’m sorry I was a disgrace to all lawmen, but I hope that I made up for it with this one.” And as he died, Detective Finn Deal closed the Sheriffs eyes and smiled and said: 

“You certainly did.”