Lamentations of a Maiden

I lace up the corset on your beautiful white gown, with little pearls shimmering amongst the lace. I had always hoped that I would one day be able to wear a dress like this, walk down an aisle decorated with delicate flower petals. You look so elegant and poised. There is only one person who I would wish to see me in this light, but they are with you.

You walked gracefully towards the footstool so that I could secure the hand-picked white heels onto your delicate feet. You slip your feet into the shoes and gracefully step towards the vanity for the final touches.

I stand behind you as you admire your own reflection in the mirror. I wished that my feelings of envy would wind down as this was meant to be a celebration, but I couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if it was me in your position. If I had been struck with the luck of the gods, then I would be in your place.

I pick up the dainty veil lined with little white flowers that form a crown as I place it onto your head. The veil was fit for a princess and who better to adorn this veil than you? If I had my way, I would have convinced him to elope, leave his duties behind, but instead I’m holding your veil as we walk down the stairs to begin the ceremony.

These stairs are the same stairs where he and I shared our first kisses, when he had promised me that I was the only woman of his heart. You can only imagine the heartbreak I felt when he shared with me that he was arranged to be married to the royal princess of some far away place. It did not matter that there was no romantic interest on his part, because it was the confirmation of what I always feared. A prince and a lady-in-waiting are not meant to be.

We step down the stairs with synchronicity. I stand a few steps behind you, towering over you to avoid your veil from catching on the steps. Once we reach the final step, I lay your veil carefully on the beautiful white and golden carpet carefully selected for the royal wedding. I glanced to my right and noticed the beautiful golden dresser with a vase of pink orchids; the flowers that he knew that I loved created a stark contrast against the gold and white colour scheme of this special event..

If he only knew how much this hurt me to have to watch you walk down the aisle to be wed to the man I loved and whom I thought loved me too. Although I know that he loved me, the pain persisted because of the feeling as if he did not love me enough to deny his fate, but rather followed the path that was predestined for him.

I hold no hostility towards you, as I know this is simply destiny. A prince and a maiden could never be. I knew my place in this world, in this castle, in his life.

As your father approached you to walk down the aisle and support you in the beginning of this new chapter of your life, I stepped aside and walked towards the side doors that led to the seating for all castle staff. I opened the doors carefully and quietly shuffled to my seat before the walk down the aisle began.

The procession music began to fill the room from the live orchestra. The symphony of brass and string instruments, including my favourite, the cello, set the tone for what was to come and had some attendees weeping from the beauty of the melodies. Your parents sat in the front row, filled with anticipation for their daughter, a beautiful princess, finally receiving her fairytale ending.

I had avoided his gaze until this very moment, and as I looked towards the end of the aisle, our eyes locked, and every single memory with him flooded my brain. Sneaking through the hallways to not get caught by castle staff, kisses shared in the garden maze, and every little moment with him was amazing. I felt frozen in place, as if time had stopped, and nothing else mattered in that very moment. However, as quick as the moment came to be, it passed, as the big doors were pulled open by the guards and you and your father began the walk down the aisle, arms interlocked.

The way the light beamed down on you as you walked down the aisle made me almost forget that I was present during your preparations. I stood up in front of my seat alongside the rest of the attendees and watched you every step as you walked towards the love of my life. I wish I knew how you felt about him, as you both didn’t know each other long before learning you were due to be wed. In that time, my secret rendezvous with him went from once or twice a week to nothing in an instant.

Your steps matched in time with the music and once you reach the end of the aisle to face him, I want to scream. It felt as if my worst nightmare was being manifested in front of me. I come back to my senses as your father turns to look at the crowd of people here to celebrate this marriage and returns to his seat. The attendees are then ushered to take their seats as your vows and road to eternal matrimony begin. I barely notice that my legs are shaking until the woman next to me rests her hand on my leg to calm my unexpected nerves.

Time now feels like it moves quickly as I try to block out the feelings of envy and regret as I watch you both exchange your vows. Words that were orchestrated to resemble emotions that neither of you could possibly feel for each other. I glance down at my own outfit, and pick a piece of lint on the lap off my pink A-line dress with flowers adorning the puff sleeves of my dress. My dress was the same shade of pink as the orchids in the flower arrangement outside this room.

The officiant states, “If anyone objects to the marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace,” and unfortunately my mouth starts moving before my brain is able to think about the repercussions and I say, “I do.”