Villainy Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

VILLAINY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

“Thank you all for coming today for the inaugural meeting of VA—Villains Anonymous.”

The five group members sitting in a circle each nodded. Many were looking at the floor, some were looking at the group’s moderator. None were looking at each other.

Dr. Grey smiled at the group. “I’m Dr. Anita Grey. I’ll be leading the group.” She looked at each participant, and smiled. “The purpose of this group is to explore why you are now a villain—what brought you to this point in your life, a point where you are considered a villain within society. I’m fairly certain that you all didn’t start out as villains, but something happened. We want to discuss what that was.”

She paused, waiting for questions or comments. None were forthcoming.

“The goal for this, our first meeting, is to get to know each of you, and find out what you hope VA can do for you.” She looked around the circle. “How about we start with you—” she looked directly to her left. “Tell us a little about yourself, and why you are here. Remember, the ‘A’ is for anonymous, so don’t feel that you have to share your real name. Just use a moniker that you feel comfortable with.”

She looked at the woman, who smiled back benevolently.  

“Yes, my name is Gaia. You probably know me better as Mother Nature.”

There was a small gasp from the members of the group.

One fellow group member across the circle from Mother Nature asked, “The real Mother Nature?”

“Yes,” was all she said, smiling.

Dr. Grey spoke up. “I must admit, I’m a bit surprised to see you here. I’m sure that many in this room have fond memories when they think of you. After all, Mother Nature is the creator and protector of the earth.”

“That used to be the case. I was lauded and praised. People would always be celebrating the wonderful things I created. Those were halcyon times.” She smiled, a far off look in her eyes. “And then came climate change.” Mother Nature shook her head sadly, the garland she wore on her head wobbling, threatening to fall off.

“Ah yes, climate change,” said Dr. Grey. “The big evil elephant in the room.”

“That is exactly correct. Climate change changed everything. Extraordinary weather events, while not loved by any means, used to be tolerated. They happened infrequently. Not so any more. Every time there is a weather catastrophe—and there are now a lot—I get blamed.”

One of the group members spoke up, “Well aren’t you the reason we get one hundred and ten degree weather, forest fires, hurricanes, landslides, tornadoes, species extinction—”

“No!” Mother Nature said, interrupting with more force than expected. “I am not the cause of bad weather.”

“Then what is? You’re supposed to be all in charge, aren’t you?” the group member challenged.

She sighed. “I was. In the past I was able to control the weather and the seasons. Things were on a pretty consistent footing. Now, not so much. The earth is in an imbalanced state. And I get blamed for it.”

Dr. Grey nodded. “Why do you feel that you can’t control things the way you used to be able to before?”

“Science,” said Mother Nature.

“Science?” said Dr. Grey.

“Yes. I cannot control the actions and reactions found in an altered environment. I can try, but my efforts are only so effective. Right now I’m losing. And people are constantly saying that it is all my fault. Seriously, I need some help. If people would just take a bit of responsibility for what they do to the environment, then I might be able to put things back to the way they used to be. But they don’t and they won’t. Instead, they blame me, making me the reason that the planet’s blowing up!”

“And you think that makes you a villain?” asked Dr. Grey.

“Certainly,” said Mother Nature. “Classic deflection. Blame the ‘other.’ You should hear the disparaging things people say about me! ‘God-damned Mother Nature is ruining my vacation!’ Or ‘Bloody Nature, screwing everything up!’ Or ‘Why can’t Mother Nature get her act together, and give us some relief!’” She sighed heavily. “And humans do not believe that it’s their actions causing most of the problems. They contend that I am doing it on purpose. That I am some kind of vindictive witch.” She paused again. The stress visible in her facial features. “They are always complaining about the weather, saying it’s my fault. Like what they put into the atmosphere isn’t affecting weather patterns. The world would be so much better without humans!”

“I can see how that would make you feel like a villain. Thank you for sharing,” said Dr. Grey.

Mother Nature shook her head, hopelessness writ large on her face.

Dr. Grey turned to the next participant. Smiling she said, “Would you like to introduce yourself to the group?”

“Thank you. I am—” an unintelligible string of sounds erupted from their mouth. “But you can call me Blert.”

“Welcome, Blert,” said Dr. Grey. “I take it you’re a visitor to Earth.”

Blert nodded what would be a head. “I am,” they said.  “My ship crashed in a place you call Nevada, in the earth year 1947, and I’ve been stranded here ever since.”

“But you seem to be doing okay?” said Dr. Grey.

“I managed to get away after the crash.” They paused, and looked at Dr. Grey. “You people are tenacious! ‘Where’s the alien? Where’s the alien? It’s going to destroy our planet.’ Blah, blah, blah. I was relentlessly hunted for years!”

“Why do you feel that you are perceived as a villain?”

“Well, because I got away, I have become a notorious villain. Apparently, I’m going to impregnate your women and my species going to overrun your planet.” They shook their head. “First of all, eww. And second of all, eww. My planet is so much better—no climate change, calm and stable. And humans are not that interesting. Sorry, but I’m just waiting for my ride to come pick me up, then I’m gone. I’m not here for world domination, I’m waiting for an intergalactic Uber.” They looked around at the group. “I’m not the bad guy here, I just landed on your planet by accident.” They paused and looked around the group, noticing a slightly hostile vibe. “It’s the movies that make me look bad. Have your seen Independence Day? That is hate speech if ever I saw it!”

One of the other participants spoke up, “But dude! You’re from outer space. What if you have, like, space germs or something?”

Blert turned their head to look at the speaker. “Don’t you think you would have caught it by now?” they said. “I’ve been here for over seventy-seven earth years.”

“Maybe you’re the reason for climate change, and it has nothing to do with fossil fuels or Mother Nature! Maybe it’s space alien cooties causing all the messed up shit in the world!”

Dr. Grey spoke up. “People, we are not here to make accusations against other group members. We are here to try and understand why each of you is vilified in today’s society.” She turned to Blert. “Thank you for sharing, Blert,” she said, before she turned to Blert’s accuser. “How about you introduce yourself to the group.”

He crossed what was left of his arms over his chest. “Fine. My name is Gary. I’m a zombie. Big deal.”

“Welcome, Gary. Why do you think that, as a zombie, you are perceived as a villain?”

“Duh!” he said, rolling his one remaining eyeball towards the ceiling. “I eat brains. Humans can’t live without their brains, so they think we’re an evil plague, attacking and infecting everyone we see.”

“And you aren't?”

“No, we are.”

“I see,” said Dr. Grey. “So, before you were a zombie, what did you think about zombies, in general.”

“I dunno.” He shook his head, and a clump of hair fell off, hitting the floor. “I don’t think I really ever thought about it.” He paused. “Maybe just as a game, or something. You know, ‘what would you do during the zombie apocalypse?’ That kind of thing.” He shrugged. “My buddies and I always said that we’d go to Costco. You know, food, water, guns, booze, steel reinforced doors, cinderblock walls. A great place to hole up for a while.” He shrugged.

“Gary, how did you become a zombie?” asked Mother Nature.

“Stupid story.” He sighed, his fetid breath filling the room. “My buddies and I were at the bar, and I had too much to drink, so I walked home instead of driving. No good deed goes unpunished, right? Anyway, I decided to take a shortcut through the woods. There was this little kid just standing there on the path. And I thought ‘this ain’t right,’ so I stopped to see if she was okay.” He sighed again. “She was not okay. The little monster was a zombie kid. She was too small to eat my brain, but she did manage to infect me. I’ve been like this ever since. And I hate it. I’m always hungry, and I’m always looking for brains to eat.”

He scanned the group, as if sizing up each member’s eat-ability. His eyes lingered on Dr. Grey.

“Gary, your staring at me, and visualizing me up as your next meal is making me uncomfortable." she said. "I would appreciate it if you could please stop.”

“I wasn’t—”

“Don’t bullshit the doctor, Gary. We can all see what you’re thinking—‘mmm, doctor brain,’” said a woman to Gary’s left. “And, you’re drooling.”

Dr. Grey turned to the woman. “Thank you for the support, but I’m sure Gary knows that I have come prepared to defend myself if things get out of control. But, thank you.” She smiled. “Would you like to introduce yourself?”

“Sure.” She smiled at the group. “I’m Melanie and I’m a ghost.” She swung her gaze to Gary. “Go ahead, Zombie Boy, stare all you want, but there’s literally nothing to me, so piss off! I’m not your next meal.”

“Okay, Melanie, let’s keep on topic. Tell the group why you feel that you are seen as a villain.”

Melanie shrugged. “Well, I’m a ghost. I’m considered a haunting entity, and there’s a belief that all the dead do is torment the living.”

“And that’s not true?” asked Dr. Grey.

“No, it’s true,” she said emphatically. “My existence is spent trying to find a living person to torment. But not everyone can see me. What’s the point in haunting someone who can’t see you? Waste of time.” She shrugged. “But I wasn’t always so … so … horrible. Before I was dead, I was an alright human being.”

“Would you care to explain?” asked Dr. Grey.

“I was customer service rep for one of the big cell phone companies. My job was shit, and I did tend to screw the customers around for fun. But the other parts of my life were good. I liked to go out, party, you know, get guys to buy me drinks. I was a party girl. Then I died. Apparently, I should have been more careful with the men I hooked up with.” She shrugged again.

“And you are stuck in purgatory because ….” Dr. Grey left the question hanging.

“I don’t know. From what the other ghosts tell me, I have some unfinished business. Hopefully, it’s to haunt my last date.”

“Ha!” said Gary, laughing at his own revelation. “You got what you deserve—being a horrible person, and now you’re stuck in some sort of limbo. Karma’s a bitch!”

“I resent that!” 

All heads turned to look at the woman who had been silent the entire meeting.

Dr. Grey smiled towards the woman. “Please explain,” she said.

“I am Karma, and I am not a bitch.” She made eye contact with each member of the group, daring them to contradict her words. There were no takers. “For the last number of years, I have gone from the goddess of good intentions and rewards, to to the reason for all the woes of the world.”

“Oh, poor Karma," said Mother Nature. “I understand your plight.”

Karma nodded at Mother Nature. “Yes my sister, I am sure you do.”

Dr. Grey nodded as well. “Can you explain your predicament for us?’

She nodded. “For centuries I have been responsible for equilibrium in the universe. A good deed is rewarded with goodness coming back to you, either in this life or the next. Bad Karma was a cautionary tale, something people tried to avoid because the belief was that your bad deeds came back to you tenfold. Steal, and a greater loss would happen in your life. Be a horrible person in this life, and you will come back as a lesser being in the next. It is the basic concept that you reap what you sow.”

The group members, nodded.  

“Yes,” said Karma. “That is how it used to be. Until this century. All of a sudden every bad thing that happens in a person’s life is bad Karma. No one talks about the rewards for good behaviour. Only the bad deeds. Always the negative. If something bad happens to a person, it’s my fault. People do not take responsibility for their own deeds. And other people judge the worthiness of these deeds as bad karma. I do not receive the lauding of good acts anymore, only the bad. Bad Karma, bad Karma, bad Karma. Only bad Karma. As Mr. Gary said, ‘Karma’s a bitch,’. If I hear it one more time, I may explode!” She took a cleaning breath, calming herself. “I am not the villain people make me out to be. I am a victim not a villain.”

Just then the door slammed open. A Canada goose waddled in.

“I’m Chuck. Am I late? For VA?”

“Hello, I’m Dr. Grey. If you would like to come in and join the group—”

The goose lit up a cigar.

“I’m sorry Chuck, there’s a no smoking policy. You’ll have to—”

“Says who?”

Dr. Grey stumbled a bit. “It’s the law.”

“Does it specifically say geese can’t smoke?”

“Nooooo.”

“End of conversation.” He waddled over to the circle Those on either side scurried away, as he made his way into the group.

“So, what’s goin' on?” he said, looking around at the group.

“We’re discussing how each member of the group became a villain—the point where their lives changed for the worse, and they became vilified within society.”

Chuck took a drag on his cigar, blew out the smoke, and looked around the group again. “I’ve always been a villain. Since birth. Chasing people, biting them, honking, hissing, crapping all over the place. People are afraid of me. Look what I did to that Fabio guy on that roller coaster! Classic Canada goose.” He took another puff., blowing smoke up towards the ceiling. “And I love it!”

Dr. Grey nodded.  “From what you’ve said, you’ve always been reviled?”

“I hate Canada geese,” interrupted Melanie. “They are the worse!”

“Not one of my finest creations,” added Mother Nature.

“They aren’t even afraid of zombies. They still attack,” said Gary, moving farther away from Chuck.

“I have never heard of a good deed by a Canada goose,” said Karma. “Ever. In the history of the world.”

Blert shook their head. “They show no fear of the unknown. It is almost as if they have never experienced fear.”

Chuck stuck the cigar in the corner of his beak. “See! That’s what I’m talkin’ about! I rule! And love it that way!”

“Then why are you here?” asked Dr. Grey.

“This chick I’m dating said I should try and explore why I enjoy being such a dick. She suggested I come here.”

Dr. Grey looked at Chuck. “Well, Chuck, I’m not sure that this is the group for you. You are the person—er goose—you said you are, and you enjoy being that goose. I don’t think we can help you here,” she said with finality.

“Fine with me!” Chuck got up flipped his cigar butt at Dr. Grey’s feet, and headed for the door.

“See ya, suckers!”

Once he was gone, each of the group members looked to to Dr. Grey.

“That was unfortunate—”

“He scared the shit out of me, and he can’t even hurt me!” said Melanie.

“Ditto!” said Gary.

“I’m so sorry,” said Mother Nature. If I’d only known …”

Dr Grey looked at the group. “Yes, well. I’m pleased that we all agree about Chuck. Time’s up for this week. I’ll see you all next session.” 

With that she got up, crushed the smouldering cigar butt under her shoe, and headed out.