The Encouraged Eavesdropper

I slow down and come to a halt as I slide to the edge of the eaves. This was going to take a while...who would see me dangling up here over this window. I should have said goodbye to that paper when it flew out the window, instead I am hanging up here like an inch worm hangs off of a flower. I guess I get the chance to think, I've been worn down and haven't really been taking the time to think lately...or do anything else, for that matter. 

It has been a month since I have felt like myself. I have been feeling so discouraged about everything that is going on in my life and feel like everything is somehow my fault. My problem. I could have done better. But how? I have been doing my best. I have been trying to help others and encourage them, but somehow, it has all gone wrong. 

I tried to keep up with texting others to check in on them weekly. Maybe they could use prayer? Or maybe they could use a word of encouragement? Or a verse? I have been trying to do the right things, but it just doesn't work. I'm tired. I'm worn. I'm not happy. What's the matter with me? I feel like the biggest mess since World War 2. Or maybe it's worse than that? I don't know. All I know is that something is wrong, and I need to fix it. 

Well, on second thought...God is the only one that can fix it. Not me. Sometimes, I wish that I could be perfect, but I know that is wrong because only God has that, and I am definitely not God. 

I hear two voices coming my way. I don't really want anyone to see me this discouraged. So I try to stay unobservable...although that is hard up here.

I realize that it is Rhoda and Mercy walking up below me...I can tell from their distinctive footsteps. Rhoda always wears those stiletto heels, and I'd know Mercy's voice anywhere outside of a train station. They honestly have completely different personalities and I still can't fathom how they became friends so easily. It seems like they hit it off right away, but they always seem to have something that they are disputing over. 

They pause right under my obvious hiding place and start to talk. I immediately start to feel awkward that I am here for their obviously private conversation, but I don't want to confess that I was hiding from them, so I keep quiet. 

"Are you doing okay? I have noticed that you have been so melancholy lately. Well, lately, up until a week or so ago. That is when I saw a new hope in your expression," Mercy asked in a muffled voice that was cloaked in curiosity. 

"Yeah."

"Well, I should tell you everything," Rhoda paused before continuing a little louder this time, "For about four months now, I have been struggling with a family thing. I have also been struggling with waiting on the Lord for things: a different job, a set of my own wheels, and a direction to go in life...it feels like I'm stuck in slow motion."

"Wow! And hard to believe that that could be happening to you." I could hear the shock in Mercy's voice. 

Rhoda continued, "Anyway, I have been feeling guilty because I think that I should be able to do something that will fix this all, but I can't. About two weeks ago, I got to talk with Nora about this, and she really encouraged me. I am not responsible for my uncle's wrong thinking and actions and can't do anything about it. I just have to trust God with it. God has taken care of everything else in my life. Why should this be different? I mean, God is so good and right, and He turns what was meant for wrong into good," she paused for a brief moment.

"God has been teaching me so much through this whole time. I have learned to trust Him more. To depend on Him for my joy and my comfort. Without Him, I could still be in a pit of despair. I am thankful that Nora reminded me to run back to God and give Him this whole situation."

"I said it before, but it is the only word that fits...Wow! You are so right. God is good and we can trust Him with everything right down to what we will eat or drink." 

I heard Mercy smile at the end of the last phrase before I got absorbed into my own thoughts and out of their conversation. Now it was my turn to think about it...Wow! Could something that I had said made such an impact on Rhoda? I thought that my words had had no effect. I had thought that I had only discouraged her. Had I really encouraged her? I couldn't believe it. 

And what she said about joy. I should not be trying to find just happiness but rather a joy that is rooted in God. How much more encouraging it is for others to have God encouraging them through me than for me to try and do it on my own? I need to draw close to God again before I can continue to try and help others. 

Oh, but how heartening it is to be encouraged by others. I think that I should also tell others what I am going through and be encouraged by them. I don't have to always be the one encouraging. I can also allow others to encourage me. I think back to all the times that people have asked me how I am doing, and I have just said "okay" and moved the conversation right along to other things. I should have been honest and told them the truth. The truth about what I have been struggling with and not just trying to keep giving when I was already tired and empty.

My thoughts fade away as I catch my name in the conversation again.

"You know, Nora has helped me too. I was struggling with people pleasing, and she told me that the only way to stop struggling with it was to replace that desire with the desire to please and worship God instead. Making Him more important in my heart than others. That is easier said than done, but she was right. When I started to take her advice, my desires turned toward God; I went to Him first before just saying yes or no to things. I feel way more energy now than I did before. God should truly be my focus all the time rather than what others might think of me." Mercy ended with another tell-tale smile that anyone could hear from across a gym...well, maybe not that loud, but you get the picture. 

"That is true. I think that I need to apply that in my life, too. Somedays I do great and other days I am a people pleaser all the way." 

Did I encourage her, too? Who would have thought...God used me even when I was trying to do it all in my own bumbling way.

I decide that it is getting hard to hang here and I must interrupt my friends before any more time passes by, "Excuse me! Could you help me down?"