Éatan´s revenge

Submitted into Contest #190 in response to: Start your story with someone vowing to take revenge.... view prompt


Coming of Age Fiction Thriller

This story contains themes or mentions of physical violence, gore, or abuse.

"I will not rest until I avenge my family's honor," vowed young Éatan, his fists clenched in anger.

He had lost his parents and younger sister to a brutal attack by a rival clan. His hatred for them had grown with each passing day, and as he stood at their graves, he made a vow to himself - that he would make them pay for the blood they had spilled.

Éatan was ten years old when the massacre happened, and he only survived because they thought he was dead as he passed out after a head trauma and almost bled to death. Some of the elderly and woman and children from the village were able to escape before it got invaded and when they returned to mourn the dead, they found young Éatan barely alive. When he finally woke up one day to the care of an old lady his mind took him directly back to that bloody day. He jumped screaming and fighting not knowing who these people were, scared and confused. He soon remembered his family being killed right in front of his eyes. He bent to his knees and screamed for what seemed like hours, until his week body finally surrendered, and he felt asleep.

Slowly life in the clan seemed to go back to normal again, as he recovered and integrated with the remaining survivors, mostly woman and a few young boys too.

He never forgot the vow he made that day.

Éatan had always been a solitary person, preferring to spend his days training to become the strongest warrior in his village rather than socializing with his peers. His focus and dedication to his training had earned him the respect of the elders and the admiration of the younger villagers.

Despite his formidable strength and skill, Éatan had never been content with his current abilities. He would spend countless hours studying ancient texts and practicing new techniques, constantly pushing himself to become better.

His determination and hard work paid off when he was chosen to represent his village in a regional tournament. It was a great honor that filled Éatan with pride and motivated him to train even harder. As the tournament approached, Éatan's confidence grew, and he knew he was ready to face any opponent. The day of the tournament arrived, and Éatan faced off against some of the most skilled warriors from neighboring villages.

The competition was fierce, and the battles were intense. However, Éatan remained unfazed, using all his training and skill to emerge victorious in each round. Finally, he reached the championship match, where he faced off against the toughest opponent he had ever encountered. The two warriors clashed, each one displaying incredible strength and skill.

Despite the intense battle, Éatan never gave up. He fought with all his heart and soul, using every technique he had learned over the years. Finally, with one powerful strike, he defeated his opponent and emerged as the champion.

The villagers cheered and celebrated their hero, showering him with praise and admiration.

From that day on, Éatan's legend grew, and he became an inspiration to many young warriors who sought to follow in his footsteps. Éatan was no longer a solitary figure but a respected and beloved member of his community. But now, he had a reason to fight - a mission to fulfill. And so, he set off on a lonely journey, with nothing but his sword and the fire burning in his heart.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months as Éatan journeyed far and wide, seeking any information that could lead him to his enemies. He visited different towns and villages, questioned people, and scoured every nook and cranny of the countryside, overcoming many obstacles and defeating countless enemies along the way. He fought with all his might, fueled by the passion burning within him. With every step he took, his determination grew stronger.

Through dark forests, treacherous mountains, and barren deserts, he pressed on, undeterred by the challenges that lay ahead. His sword glinted in the sunlight, a symbol of his unwavering resolve.

As he journeyed, he encountered many people in need of his help. Without hesitation, he would lend his aid, using his skills and strength to protect the weak and defenseless.

Many years passed, and he grew older, but his fire never dimmed. Through all the trials and tribulations, he remained steadfast in his purpose, always striving to do what was right.

Finally, after many years of relentless searching, Éatan found what he was looking for.

He learned that his enemies were hiding in a fortress located deep in the mountains, surrounded by dangerous terrain and guarded by some of the best warriors in the land. But Éatan did not falter. He had a plan, and he was ready to execute it.

First, he analyzed maps of the area and scouted the terrain to find the best way to approach the fortress undetected.

After weeks of preparation, he set out on a moonless night, stealthily making his way through the treacherous landscape. He avoided any potential obstacles and remained hidden in the shadows, moving towards the fortress unseen and unheard.

He surveyed the area carefully. He could see the guards patrolling the walls and the main entrance. He knew he had to be careful and find a way to get inside without getting caught.

He started to circle the fortress walls, looking for any weak spots or alternative entrances. After some time, he came across an old tunnel leading underground. He cautiously made his way inside, using his torch to light the way.

The tunnel was long and narrow, but eventually, he emerged inside the fortress itself. He quickly hid behind the nearest building, making sure his presence went unnoticed.

From his hiding spot, he could make out the layout of the fortress and the positions of the guards. He formulated a plan and began to make his way towards the castle's main hall where he knew his target would be.

As he approached the hall, he heard muffled voices and peeked through a small window. To his surprise, he saw his target, the notorious Baron who slaughtered his family, sitting at a table with two other men. He carefully listened, trying to make out their conversation.

It was then that he heard something that made his blood run cold. The Baron was planning to attack a nearby village, causing destruction and chaos again. He knew he had to act fast to stop this from happening.

With his mind made up, he took a deep breath and burst through the door, surprising the Baron and his cohorts. Before they could react, he drew his sword and engaged them in a fierce battle.

The room fell silent as everyone turned to look at him, their eyes wide with shock and confusion. The Baron, who had been holding court with a group of his closest advisors, was the first to recover.

"Who are you?" he demanded, his eyes narrowing as he regarded the newcomer.

"I am here to put an end to your reign of terror," Éatan replied, his voice ringing with conviction.

The Baron laughed, a bitter sound that echoed through the room. "And who do you think you are to challenge me?" he asked, his voice laced with disdain.

"I am just a man," Éatan said. "But I am a man who will not stand idly by while you inflict misery and suffering on those you claim to rule."

The Baron's advisors looked at each other uncertainly, their eyes shifting from the stranger to their leader and back again. The tension in the room was palpable, like a heavy weight pressing down on the air.

For a moment, no one spoke. Then the Baron raised his hand, gesturing to his men. "Seize him," he commanded.

The man tensed, ready for a fight. But before he could take a step, there was a sudden crash from the windows. Glass shattered, and several figures leapt through the broken panes, brandishing swords and axes.

The Baron's men reacted quickly, drawing their own weapons and forming a defensive circle around their leader. But the intruders were too many, too well-trained. They cut through the Baron's defenses like a hot knife through butter, carving their way toward their target.

Éatan could not believe that the friends he made along the years had been following him for support, even thought they knew he wanted a one-man revenge.

Éatan stood back, watching the carnage with a sense of satisfaction. He could have never imagined they would come, had never planned for it. And now the Baron's reign was over, his tyranny ended. He was thankful beyond believe.

As the last of the Baron's men fell, their weapons clattering to the ground, Éatan stepped forward. The room was silent, except for the sound of his footsteps echoing off the walls.

At last, he stood before the Baron, who was staring up at him with a mixture of fear and hatred.

The air between them was heavy with tension, like a storm cloud ready to unleash its fury. Despite the Baron's imposing presence, Éatan stood tall, exuding a quiet strength that seemed to unnerve him.

For a moment, there was silence, broken only by the soft rustle of clothing and the occasional flicker of torchlight. Then, the Baron spoke. "So, you've come to challenge me, boy. I warned you not to encroach on my lands."

Éatan’s expression remained calm, but his eyes flickered with contempt. "I didn't come here to challenge you, Baron. I came here for revenge."

The Baron's face twisted in surprise and fear. He reached for his sword, but Éatan was faster. With a swift movement, he drew his own blade and lunged forward, aiming for the Baron's throat.

The two men clashed, their swords ringing out in the silence of the hall. Éatan fought with ferocity and precision, his blows landing with deadly accuracy. The Baron was no match for him, and soon his sword was knocked out of his hand.

Éatan pressed his advantage, moving in for the kill. But at the last moment, he hesitated. Something in the Baron's fear-filled eyes gave him pause.

Éatan suddenly remembered the good times he had with his parents and his younger sister. They were all gone now, killed by this very own Baron in front of him.

Éatan had been on the run ever since, living in secrecy and planning his revenge. But before he could take any action against the Baron, he knew he needed to remember his family's faces and voices.

He closed his eyes and recalled the sound of his mother's laghther and his father's stern but loving voice. He remembered how his sister would always come running to him for protection whenever she was scared.

A tear rolled down Éatan's cheek. He promised himself that he would avenge their deaths, but he also knew that he needed to honor their memories and keep them close to his heart.

Taking a deep breath, Éatan stood up.

It was time to take action and to make sure that no other family would suffer like he did.

And as he held the knife up and closed his eyes, he saw his mother whispering prayers to his ears, his sister's sweet smile and his father's look of approval and pride.

And finally as he open his eyes and sees the Baron´s dead body at his feet, Éatan felt a sense of closure.

He had kept his promise, and his family's souls could now rest in peace. 

March 21, 2023 22:08

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E. B. Bullet
17:32 Mar 26, 2023

I like the flow of your story! It's super easy to read, without any weird pauses due to sentence structure. Aside from a few typos, I think your writing is very clean ~! The story was rather simple, but engaging enough to keep on pressing. You throw together details very efficiently, which is great for world building. I also think your dialogue was done incredibly well! It was actually my favorite part, and I kinda wished for more of it! The only thing I can critique is the very straight forward nature of the story. It sounds like somet...


Paula Bissoni
07:59 Mar 27, 2023

Thank you so much for the feedback! Appreciate it.


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