Ink’s Sorrow

October 21st, 2021.

Month 12

Week 52

Day 365

9:37 AM

“Claire, today is the day… I heard you’re getting that promotion at the diner you’ve been trying at?! Head chef! Congratulations! You really do” No, he shook his head as he made a line through the word, “did deserve it. I bet ya Shawn Sean wasn’t too happy to hear that. He’d been cooking there for a few years and you surpassed him in three months! Your dad called yesterday just to check on how things were going with school and the new move. He’s He was really proud of you and all that you’ve done and says your mother is too. They were out on a business trip to Washington. We all know “business trip” is was another way of saying vacation for them two. Don was excited he has had the whole house to himself while they’re out. He’ll probably throw some high school party and get busted for breaking a door or something. Don’t let them find out alcohol was most likely the cause, then he’ll really get it. I just wish it was something as simple as a door that had been broken… Anyways, ‘Hey beautiful, I woke up late today and didn’t see you on your way out this morning. I know you’re working and I don’t want to hold you for too long so I hope you have a great day Head Chef! Call me and/or text me when you can. I love you!’”

“12:37 PM”

“I had gone into work at 10:41. Late by eleven minutes. My phone says that you read my good morning message at 12:35 PM and responded saying ‘Hey love! It’s alright, I gave you a kiss on your head after putting some breakfast in the microwave for you. How’d you know I got my promotion today?! Are you secretly in on this? I love you :). Sean actually quit when Ms. Rose told us. I feel bad but if he wasn’t leaving us with one less cook every other day then maybe he could’ve gotten it. Just saying. I hope your day is going well at the store! I’ll talk to you soon! I love you!!!’ I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and my heart skipped a beat like it does did every time you’ve texted. I wasn’t able to read it immediately because I was checking out a customer. A strawberry lemonade store brand and a party size bag of classic potato chips. I had earlier found the breakfast you left me and you were right, I was in on your promotion. I’ve got I had my connections and made sure you would move up sooner or later. I always said I would do all that I could to make sure you were happy. And I did. Or at least, I tried.

“ 12:59 PM”

“‘No wonder I had such a good dream! My nose led me straight to the microwave when I woke up too. Thank you :). I’m so happy for you and proud of your promotion! They couldn’t have chosen a better head chef! The day you showed up, Shawn or Sean, however you spell his name, didn’t stand a chance at your position! We celebrate tonight with a movie and rootbeer float or three? The store is really slow today. I mean it’s a gas station. What else should I expect I guess. I get off at 7, I’m covering for Angela. Can’t wait to see you! Time literally couldn’t move any slower. I love you!’ I sent my response just as the bell jingled to a man in his late twenties walking in and heading straight for the back.

“1:05 PM”

“Adam Letterway

2115 Sedgein LN

DOB: 04/23/1994

DL#: **-***-****

EXP: 5/03/2022

Eye: BRO

HGT: 6 ft’

I remember all the details from his drivers license. He bought eight packs of cigarettes and three twelve packs of beer. A party?.It was Friday and his birthday was is tomorrow. I didn’t think much of it, if anything at all. Not until he left and handed it all to five teens. I should’ve done something. I should’ve gone out and said something. What was there I could’ve said or done though? Maybe I should’ve called the cops? Maybe I should’ve screamed and shouted and made a huge scene? Anything. I could’ve done anything. But I didn’t. I’m sorry Claire. Adam disappeared and the five teens jumped into a Gold Honda Accord. A much older edition. License plate: JAJ-E61. Claire. Please forgive me.”

“1:46 PM”

“I didn’t think of it much after that. Now, it’s all that I can think about. ‘ROOTBEER FLOATS?!? I WOULD LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! I get off at 7:30 so you have time to set the mood in the apartment ;) Pick out a horror movie okay?’ Two separate messages both sent in the same minute. You’re You were always quick at typing, especially when you were excited. I wrote back, ‘You can’t even handle scary movies. Just want to snuggle in close with me huh? I don’t mind :) I’ll see you soon!’ The rest of my shift went by with nothing special happening. Customers came and went. ‘Fifty on pump 8.’ ‘Ten on pump 3.’ ‘I’ll take one of those down there. The pineapple flavor.’ All the usual stuff. I can could can only wish today was just as usual as… Well... As usual I guess. How could I have known that nothing would be ‘as usual’ today? Nothing was or would ever be as usual anymore. I’m sorry Claire. I love you. And I love you forever.” A tear wetted the letter mixing ink and sorrow. Two ingredients so often found brewed, “I love you forever.”

“6:54 PM”

“Dave came in for his shift early and allowed me to go home. I want(ed) everything to be perfect tonight. ‘Hey beautiful, I’m heading home now. Must be busy at the diner, haven’t heard from you in awhile. I hope you’re not working too hard. I love you! I’ll see you soon :)’ I texted you while sitting in the car. A red 2003 Buick Regal. Nothing fancy. Just enough to get me from A to C. From anywhere to Claire. Yet, where you’ve gone now—I can’t reach. I drove to the store and bought two 2 liter bottles of Rootbeer along with two 48 fl oz of cookie dough ice cream. I put everything away when I made it to our new apartment, 7410 E Callan Ave, apartment 203. I chose The Conjuring for us to watch tonight that night and set two blankets with three pillows neatly on the floor in front of our TV. My heart skipped a beat at the buzz of my phone. ‘I got dinner!!! Heading home now my love.’ I smiled to myself, ‘I’m looking forward to you :)’”

“7:48 PM”

“You came home… God, why does the night all seem to be a blur. You came home and there was food, there was laughter, there was happiness and Rootbeer floats and there were cozy snuggles and there was love and love we made and there was us and… There we were. And just as it came, so it ended. From what or who or why it fled, my memory for the first time has done the same. There was frustration and there were tears in your eyes. There was yelling and there were questions with no answers and then there was nothing. You left our apartment and I—I closed the door behind you… What happened? Why didn’t we just talk? Why did you leave and why did I let you? I promised to come after you no matter how far you ran but Claire… I let you go. And you…” His hand shook uncontrollably as he wrote the last words, “You didn’t come home.”

“9:35 PM”

“‘Claire?’”

“9:38 PM”

“‘I’m sorry. Where did you go?’”

“9:41 PM”

“‘Please come home. Forgive me or don’t just come home and we can talk. I love you.’ You never read that message. You never knew I forgave you. We never talked. I was never able to tell you one last time that I loved and I still love you.”

“11:53 PM”

“My heart skipped a beat when there was a knock on the door. I jumped up ready to accept you. Ready to embrace you and kiss you and tell you that we would make it through this too. There I stood in an open doorway and there you weren’t on the other side. ‘Ashton Coppen?’ How I wish I could be anyone else… ‘There’s been an accident.’”

“12:33 AM”

“At 10:21 PM, a gold 2000 Honda Accord ran into the driver side of a red 2003 Buick Regal. The driver and all the passengers of the Honda were visibly drunk and tried to make it through a red light. It was the Buick’s green light. It was the Buick’s turn to go. It was your turn to go and you went. It wasn’t your time to go… But you went.”

10:17 AM

“It has been a year since today, that day. How much I wish I could’ve done. So much I wish I would’ve and should’ve done. I could have said something at the gas station. I would have held you close all night long as you slept in my arms like every night then. I should’ve never closed the door behind you. Claire, I beg that you have forgiven me. I’ve questioned it every lonely passing night. I hope we will one day meet again with hearts renewed and the memory of the love that I have had and always will have for you.

Thank you for our time. Goodnight my love and sleep well. I will be dreaming about you.

Ashton Coppen.”

Ashton looked up towards the waters surrounding his small boat. A sorrow lightened but a weight nonetheless. He held the bottle he rolled his letter into and plugged it with a cork. He checked the time from the old swiss pocket watch Claire had given him on his 23rd birthday, it had been her grandfather's.

“10:21” The hands pointed at the Roman numerals.

He stepped off the edge of the boat and into the endless waters. To the bottom of the sea he was pulled, nothing but sorrow as the weight.