Shanhtih Station

 Douglas Jones walked off the train, flicked his scarf around his neck, and pretended not to notice the man across the platform staring at him. Mountains loomed over the station. The trees ached in the cold wind. The only light came from flickering lamp posts behind the benches on the platform.

He sat on the bench. The clock hanging from the station read 12:06am. He cursed himself for missing his stop, but after another long night of balance sheets at the office, and for a man pushing seventy, falling asleep on the train had become a regular occurrence.

“Haven’t I seen you from somewhere?” The man said, still staring at Douglas

“I don’t think so,” Douglas said.

“I definitely know you from somewhere,” the man said.

“I’m trying to work,” Douglas said, pulling out his notebook.  

“I don’t mean to distract you,” the man said.

“That seems to be exactly what are you doing, isn’t it?” Douglas said.

“It’s just that I really feel like I know you from somewhere,” the man said.

“You don’t know me and I don’t know you,” Douglas said.

The man placed his hands in his pockets, looked around the empty platform, and said, “I’m Shay.”

“I need to finish this,” Douglas said, tapping his index finger to his notebook.

“You an artist?” Shay said.

“Poet,” Douglas said. “By night at least.”

Shay laughed. “What a blessing it is to seek your dreams. I had dreams too, once.”

“If you’ll excuse me,” Douglas said.

 He stared at his notebook. Scribbled notes of rhymes filled the page. One more stanza until he finished his next poem, and this poem, he told himself, this poem I will definitely publish.

Shay took another step toward the bench and sat next to Douglas. As he sat, a strong stench eased off Shay’s clothes. Douglas lowered his scarf to cover his nose, but the stench suffocated the air, and when Shay thanked Douglas for allowing him to sit, his smile revealed rotten teeth and blackened gums.  

“That’s it!” Shay said.

“I wish you would go sit on another bench,” Douglas said.

“I finally remembered where I know you from.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to say this,” Douglas said. “But we’ve never met.”

In the distance, headlight streamed through the dark night. The sound of train wheels grinding against the tracks broke the silence. Douglas took a breath, relived that in a few moments he wouldn’t have to talk to this person. Relieved that he could take this train back to his stop. Relieved that he wouldn’t have to stare back at these mountains who appeared to stare at him as though he had wronged the world.

“Would you like to know where we’ve met before?” Shay said.

“I think our conversation is coming to an end,” Douglas said. “And how unfortunate that is.”

“Well, I think it’s only beginning. You and I have a lot to discuss,” Shay said.

“Why?” Douglas said.

“Why?” Shay said, laughing.

“Yes,” Douglas said, “Why?”

Shay scooted closer to Douglas on the bench and gripped Douglas’s neck. Shay’s cold’s hand squeezed, and Douglas grimaced as a sharp pain radiated down his neck. Specs of dirt spewed for Shay’s mouth.  

“Well Douglas,” Shay said. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

***

             The rumble of the engine drowned out Shay’s laughter. Douglas gripped Shay’s hand, and pulled it off his neck. Then, Douglas got up from the bench and boarded the train. Shay whistled in the cold as he allowed Douglas to leave.

              Heavy air lingered in the train car. A gust of wind pushed against the windows. The single lamp on the platform flickered and died as the train left the station.

             Douglas pulled out his phone and texted Evaline and told her to put Joseph to bed because it would be at least another hour before he got home. He sighed because the battery on his phone was almost dead, and he sighed because if he hadn’t fallen asleep he would have gotten off at the right stop but now he’d miss those few moments of putting Joseph to bed and talking to Evaline before they both passed out from exhaustion

             Douglas  pulled his notebook from briefcase and began to write, but soon became distracted by his encounter with Shay. Two Questions loomed over his mind. Where does Shay know me from? And, Why the hell would he be looking for me?

The train climbed the mountain. The smoke rose into the night, concealing the stars. Douglas tried to write, willing the words to go from his mind to the pen, but nothing came, and the pain around his neck grew worse. He put notebook away, and passed the time by hoping that maybe his family would still be awake when he got home.  

Silence filled the train car.  It was the kind of silence that made Douglas keep checking the windows and the corridors of the train. It was the kind of silence that seemed intentional.

              He reached for his phone to call Evaline, but now it was dead. Before he could put his phone back in his pocket, the train began to slow. On either side of the train, he could see a crowd of people walking toward the tracks. They were barefoot. The men were naked. The women were naked. And all of them stared at Douglas.

             The train came to a full stop. Douglas ran toward the back of the train. He slid underneath the seats. Mud and urine caked the floor of the train. He wiped the swept from his forehead.

Then, as he could hear gentle footsteps climbing into the train car, he remembered where he knew Shay from. He felt his chest tighten and began to grow dizzy. He tried to control his breathing, but the more he tried to calm himself, the more his mind went back to the war and the gun shots and cries for help.

             “Get out from under there,” Shay said.

             “You’re a ghost aren’t you,” Douglas said.

             “I’m you’re ghost,” Shay said.  “And we are all here for you.”

             Heavy breathing filled the air. The others filled the inside of the car too. He could smell the death on their clothes. He could hear their whispers. He prayed that they would let him walk out. He hoped that maybe they only wanted to talk. Wanted to hear his side of the story. But one look at Shay, at the determination written all over his face, and he knew that would never happen.

             “So,” Douglas said. “Is it clear now where I know you from?”

             “That was fifty years ago. I was Corporal. They would have killed me if I didn’t do what they wanted.”

             “Why don’t you climb out from underneath that seat.”

             “What do you want?” Douglas said.  

             “I need you to come with us,” Shay said.  

             Tears dripped from Douglas’s eyes. He thought about Evaline and he thought about Joseph, but the fear of the crowd now banging against the train car stole his attention back to the present moment.

             “We need to remind you what you did,” Shay said.

             “I’m not going with you,” Douglas said.

             “I want everyone to know what happened here,” Shay said.

             From outside, the heaving and moaning of the crowd echoed into the car. The wrangled and worn bodies continued to bang on the car, the trees blew in the wind, and the wind smacked into the train. Douglas knew he needed to escape, but Shay, who appeared taller now than when he saw at the train station blocked the exit.

              “It’s the same place where you took me so many years ago. The place where you packed us into trucks. The place where you made us dig. The place where you lined us up. The place where your men raised their rifles toward all of us,” Shay said, lifting his hands.

             “They made me do it,” Douglas said, dropping to his knees.

             “Not good enough for me,” Shay said.

             “I’m not going with you. I don’t want to see it. I lived it like you. ”

             Shay walked toward Douglas. He stroked his shoulder. He patted him on his back as if trying to console him. “It’s alright,” Shay said. Then, Shay grabbed Douglas by the arms and dragged him off the train.

***

The crowd roared as they pulled Douglas off the train and dragged him toward the top of the mountain. When Douglas turned around, he could see the entire crowd – of people or ghosts or whoever they were – following behind him. He could see the anger on their faces, the blood dripping from their eyes, the grimaces on their face. He knew what they wanted.

Shay pulled him up the mountain toward the tree line. Douglas’s back bounced beneath hard rocks, and his legs scraped against the dirt. By the time Douglas reached the peak of the mountain, blood oozed from his legs.

             Douglas stood to his feet. He looked down at the grave site. A long line where people had been lined up and shot. Entire lives and  families and  lineages buried deep within the trench.

             “Do you remember what happened here?” Shay said.

             “What do you want from me?” Douglas said.

             “Tell me,” Shay said

             “What?” Douglas said.

             “Do you remember what happened?”

             Douglas paused for a moment. He closed his eyes. He could still hear the screaming and he could still feel the people pulling at his legs and arms in desperation as Douglas shooed them away with the butt of his rifle and pushed them into the trench.

             “We lined them up and shot them,” Douglas said.

             “Excellent,” Shay said. “And you did this. Do you remember now?”

             Douglas felt a sense of anger wash over him. He looked at Shay. Saw how pathetic he looked and saw how pathetic the entire crowd looked.

             “So what the hell do you want me to do about it now? You are dead. You are all dead, and I was a teenager back then and you want to kill me.”

             Shay smiled. “I can see this upsets you.”

             “I want to see my wife and child. For you, this field is your final resting place. But it isn’t mine.”

             Douglas spat in the dirt. He turned away from Shay and away from the trench and headed back toward the tracks. His legs bled and a dull pain radiated from his ribs, but he stood tall and with his shoulders back.

             Shay walked over to him. His unnatural steps and unnatural strength stopped Douglas after only a few steps. He grabbed Douglas again by the neck and pushed him into the ground.

             “You have two options my friend,” Shay said.

             “What?” Douglas said, as Shay shoved his face into the ground.

             Shay relented and allowed Douglas to stand to his feet. “You can either go home, and tell your wife and your child what you did here, or you can stay here with us.”

             “Stay here with you?” Douglas said.

             “Indeed,” Shay said.

             Shay pointed to a small trench, large enough to fit one person.

             “You want to put me in there?” Douglas said.

             “I want you to do what is right,” Shay said. “You do know what is right in this case, don’t you?”   

             “And how do you know I won’t go home and tell my wife nothing of the sort?” Douglas said.

             “There are more ghosts like us that you would believe,” Shay said. “Wherever you go, we will find you.”

Douglas thought about the conversation he’d have to have with Evaline. How would he tell her what he did? How could he tell her about the things they forced him to do? Would she ever look at him the same way? What about Joseph? How do you explain to a child the horrors of what happened on this ground? That you were responsible for what happened.

             Douglas stared into the hole. He felt nothing but a sense of relief. Finally, someone had found him. Finally, he could answer for what he had done. Finally, the nights of waking up and crying could be resolved. The nights of telling Evaline that nothing was wrong. Maybe he too, could rest beneath this peaceful night, and listen to the sound of the trees as they rolled amongst the wind.

             Douglas dropped to his knees. His felt the cold dirt steal the pain away from his legs. He kissed the cross around his neck and nodded over at Shay. For a moment, Shay disappeared.

             When Shay emerged, he carried a large wooden log. Shay stood behind Douglas. Douglas whispered to himself, the words washed up in the cold wind. He prayed that his boy would always remember him for being a good father, for always wanting to come home and play with him in their small living room, for dropping him off at school and picking him up when he wasn’t working. And he thought about Evaline, and hoped that she would remember the good times in the beginning, and his efforts to make things better. Then, the sound of log slamming against Douglas’s head echoed into the calm night.

                                                                                 ***

The first time the log hit his head it sent Douglas into shock. The second time, it forced his limp body into the trench. As Shay poured dirt over Douglas’s body, he saw nothing but peace on the old man’s face as it disappeared beneath the dirt.