Knock, knock

“Don’t forget to put the toilet seat down. I almost fell in last night.”

“I could ask you to put the toilet seat up.”

“If you would just pee sitting down we would never have to worry about it again.”

“I’m not sitting down to pee.”

“Jesus, why are all men so insecure? Like anyone is going to see you in your own home sitting down to pee. If anything it’s less work and the floor and walls wouldn’t be covered in piss and have to be cleaned so often.”

“Do we really have to argue about this before bed?”

“I’m not arguing, just trying to keep my ass dry in the middle of the night.”

“Ok, ok. I’m putting the seat up. We good?”

“I know the only reason you’re not fighting with me is because you wanna get laid.”

“Is it working?”

“Shut up and get over here.”

“Your leg hairs are stabbing me.”

“Really? You’re gonna choose to say that before I even get my underwear off?”

“Sorry, they’re really sharp.”

“You want me to go shave them or you want to fuck? Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Yes, yes. Faster. Yes, right there.”

“Wait, did you hear that?”

“No, don’t stop. I’m almost there.”

“There it is again. Is someone knocking?”

“It’s 2am. Who’d be knocking? Check the door cam on your phone.”

“There’s someone standing at the door?”

“Let me see. What the hell are they doing?”

“I don’t know. Let me try the audio. Hello? What do you want?”

“They’re just looking at the camera. Are they wearing a mask? What is that in their hand?”

“If you don’t leave we’re going to call the cops.”

“Why are they waving their finger? I can’t see what’s in their hand.”

“I’m calling 911.”

“Yes, call.”

“What the fuck?”

“What?”

“I have no service. This can’t be possible.”

“What is going on?”

“They must have something jamming the signal. That must be what’s in their hand.”

“Jam? What are you talking about?”

“They sell these things online that make your cell phone useless.”

“Jesus Christ are we gonna die!”

“What? No. Calm down. It’s probably just some weirdo looking to get a rise out of people.”

“That’s the shit they say in horror movies right before they get murdered.”

“That shit doesn’t happen in real life.”

“Are you kidding me? Have you seen all the junkies downtown or watched any of those cold case shows? People are just watching T.V. or eating dinner and BAM they’re dead.”

“Relax. I’ll take my gun down and check it out.”

“You’re not going down there!”

“As soon as they see I have a gun they’ll run away.”

“What if they have a gun too!”

“I…I don’t think they will. They’re probably just some kids.”

“What if it’s some psycho?”

“We’re not in a movie.”

“Did you hear that? Did they just break a window?”

“I’m going down there.”

“I’m going with you.”

“You should stay up here.”

“Are you freakin’ crazy? You’re not leaving me alone up here!”

“If you’re coming with me stay close and keep your voice down to a whisper.”

“Ok.”

“You ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you see anything?”

“No.”

“What was that?”

“What?”

“You didn’t see that?”

“No.”

“I swear I saw someone run through the living room.”

“Keep your voice down.”

“Sorry.”

“I think they’re in the kitchen.”

“What do we do now?”

“Make our way downstairs, slowly.”

“Ok, I’ll be right behind you.”

“Grab something you can swing just in case.”

“I’m scared.”

“It’ll be ok.”

“Maybe we should try to make it outside and call from one of the neighbors houses.”

“If we have to we’ll run for it.”

“Did you hear that? It came from the living room I think?”

“We just heard something in the kitchen. There’s no way they moved there that fast.”

“Are you sure you heard something in the kitchen.”

“I think so.”

“Let’s go downstairs.”

“I don’t see anything.”

“There’s glass on the floor.”

“It looks like they came through the back door.”

“Why don’t we just leave?”

“Is that a light on in the kitchen?”

“Did you leave it on earlier?”

“No.”

“I don’t like it.”

“We should check it out.”

“Do we have to? Can’t we just leave?”

“Do you smell gas?”

“Yeah.”

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Put your hands up! I said put your hands up or I will fucking shoot you! What are you doing in our house? What do you want?”

“Say something! You broke in here. You wanted something? Tell me what you want? Tell me what was so important that you risk getting shot in the fucking face?”

“You aren’t gonna talk? After all this you’re just gonna sit there with that mask on and breathe heavy?”

“What’re you doing? Put that lighter down. You trying to kill all of us? I’m serious. Put it down or I will shoot you.”

“Babe, let’s just tie him up and get out of here and call the cops.”

“No. I want to hear why he broke into our home.”

“Why does it matter? Let’s just get out of here.”

“Wait, did he just say something?”

“I didn’t hear anything.”

“Did you just say something?”

“KNOCK, KNOCK.”

“What?”

“KNOCK, KNOCK.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“KNOCK, KNOCK.”

“Fine, I’ll play along just to shut you the fuck up. Who’s there?”

“OOZE.”

“Ooze who?”

“OOZE THAT BEHIND YOU!”

“Mark watch out!”

“Stop, please. We’ll give you whatever you want, please just let us go. You don’t have to do this.”

“Please, please, just stop. What…What are you doing? No, don’t. Please, for the love of God don’t do this.”

“Don’t hurt him. Please. No. Don’t, don’t don’t, no. Mark, I love you, I love you, I love you. Look at me.”

“I love you too, I love you, I accchh, accchh.”

“Noooo, no, no. Stay with me. Stay with me. Jesus, stay with me.”

“Mark….? Mark? Oh God no. Please no! You sonuva bitches! You killed him! You think I’m gonna beg you? Is that what you want? Well fuck you! Just fucking do it! What are you waiting for? DO IT! DO IT! DO….ACCCCCHHH, ACHHHHH.”