SCATTERED- A Short Story

Cambelle screamed into the nothingness.

“I will get you back!”

She heard no response but the pouring rain, taunting her with its incessant patter. Each drop held a new beginning, and it trickled down her neck. The rain made her feel alive. Cambelle was here now- raw, and vivid, and real, and as she yelled into the dark, she felt truth and justice permeate her blood. She was saturated with a thirst for revenge.

Ezra looked back at her, his hood soaked in the rain. His eyes were filled with hatred, but he maintained his calm composure.

And then he walked away, his sneakers splashing in the puddles on the sidewalk. Cambelle wanted the world to hear her too.

“I WILL GET YOU-”

“-back! That’s not fair,” Nori laughed from the couch, “You always beat me at game night.” She rolled her eyes and threw her board game pieces on the table. They clattered against the wood and Cambelle winced at the sudden sound. She wasn’t used to this- game nights, being back at the house, her older sister- but it had been three weeks. She was supposed to be well-adjusted by now. Why was she taking so long to-

“-heal? So, we’ll be adjusting your prescription, from 5mg to 10mg, just to see how you adjust. Sound good, Cambelle?” The doctor looked up hopefully. Cambelle wondered if she was the only one who saw the fake smiles that filled the ward, from doctors to patients, each pretending that the world wouldn’t crumble beneath the crippling weight of heightened expectations. How was she supposed to heal here? How was anyone supposed to heal here, if they had to re-live hell every day, sitting in plastic white chairs and listening to girls with lacerations on their arms and wrists sob, while-

She couldn’t go there. She wouldn’t go there- back to the place where she had come from, with moth-eaten blankets and razors and bloody paper towels and all the other things she tried so hard to forget… But she would always-

“Remember that next time we’ll be meeting in a new room. It’s important to change the scenery a bit because it prepares you all for when you go back home.” The other kids had looked bored and lost from the start of Group. They scratched at their bandages- some on their arms, some on their legs, and some with no apparent wounds at all. Most of them were cutters, including Cambelle. But she distanced herself.

She wasn’t like them.

She didn’t belong here.

She should be protecting her sister- because what if he came back? Would Nori be next? No one had said explicitly that Cambelle was crazy, but she had heard rumors, seen the indecipherable looks passed between nurses and patients. She didn’t do anything wrong. It was all Ezra- he had started all of this. He really was going to hurt her. But she didn’t know-

“Why? Why would he hurt you? You’ve both probably moved on.”

Cambelle thought this over. The real question was, Why wouldn’t anyone believe her? It was obvious. The way he looked at her. The fear that filled her whenever he was too close. She knew whenever he was outside her window, knew how he texted, and there were too many coincidences to just brush it off.

“Nori, I’m telling you this because I don’t want you getting hurt. Ezra’s dangerous.”

“You just broke up. I’m sure you’re being-”

“…paranoid, and she thinks she’s been seeing him. It’s starting to get concerning.” Nori’s bright green eyes gazed hopefully at the psychiatrist, “She’s been living with me ever since I moved out, because of Mom’s drinking, but this has never happened before. I don’t know if it’s related to trauma or…”

Dr. Jackson looked at Cambelle, and he scratched his beard.

“Do you feel something’s wrong?” He asked.

She nodded, “He’s been stalking me- I-… of course something’s wrong! I need him to stop.”

“Well, I always try to keep what’s best for my patients in mind. But I do believe it’s very possible that you may have early schizophrenic symptoms, which can be easily treated,” Dr. Jackson turned to Nori, “I’ll prescribe 10mg of Proloxin. You can pick it up at the pharmacy by Saturday.”

“Thank you so much for your time.”

“Call me if you have any questions. I hope-”

It helped. It truly did, and it always had. The razor on her skin, pushing, slicing… the blood dripping onto the tiles below. She was caught in a hurricane of red and pain and thoughts and anxiety and flashing bright bright bright and then suddenly

It’s all white. The whole room… Cambelle was surrounded by

organization

led lightbulbs

chatter

or was it her?

She was caught up in white, white was wrapped around her arms, she lay on white and

its

finally

quiet

But-

Cambelle was not alone in Group. And yet she felt that no one believed her. The medicine didn’t help, because she wasn’t making this up. She couldn’t make it up. She didn’t want to go back to him, back to the nights when she would lie awake, hearing his distinctive unwanted breath outside of her window as he watched her, back to when she would take new ways home just to make sure she wasn’t followed, back to the days when she hadn’t even met him and her life was-

Normal days and schedules guided her foggy brain to shore, leading her to not fall prey to paranoia and anxiety. But now that Cambelle was back from the Facility, she knew he was still there. Still wanting something she couldn’t give him.

They had ended it- they truly had.

He wouldn’t give up.

She wasn’t crazy.

SHE WASN’T CRAZY.

Because when Ezra looked her in the eye, she felt a fierce rage burn through her, bright white, that she couldn’t imagine. Because when Ezra smiled, a knowing look in his eyes, barely glancing at the scars on her arms, she knew he was there all along, watching, waiting for her to make her next move. Because when they met again after her return, soaking wet and screaming, he turned and walked away from her life. So Cambelle screamed into the nothingness.

“I will get you back!”

Yet she heard no response.