To You From Me

Dear You,

Hello old friend. I've missed you. I know we haven't talked in a while, but I've been lost. Everything is wrong and I can't fix it. I don't like to admit this, but I have written a note. A note to leave behind when I end my life. I want to, at least I've been thinking about it. It is my last resort, but I knew I had to come to you first. You are the only one who can save me!

My situation is impossible! I have lost my job. I hated it there anyway, but I'm about to lose my house. My money is gone. My electricity and water have already been shut off. I know I haven't "used" in years, but I am tempted to spend my last dollars just for that feeling of escape and happiness. It seems to be the only way to actually live. Everybody says to turn to friends and family instead. But I haven't been able to find my mother and my friends won't answer my texts. They all hate me, I know it. I am always distant and cold around all of them, and I don't know why. And now I am paying for it. My dog was there, but then my neighbor hit him with his car. I was stupid and slashed his tires for revenge, but he caught me, and now I have a court date. Liking this so far?

I am a disaster. A disaster that ruins everything it touches. Everyone tries to avoid it. What is possibly left in my life? I have nothing to look forward to, besides homelessness maybe. I have nobody, nothing. I hope you are a miracle worker because I can't see any possible way you can fix this. However, you've pulled through for me before and for that, I decided to trust you one last time. Since this may be the last time, I seek help.

Remember when things were great. When you and I were on top of the world. Lots of friends, graduating high school then college with honors. And that amazing '73 Impala we would drive around. I really miss that car. The biggest question I ask myself is how I could go from that to this.

The answer is that the world is a cruel place and like the jungle, there is a food chain. A food chain in which I am at the bottom. I fought so hard for so long to work my way up to the top. But the predators pushed me back down every time I accomplished something even close to helpful. And what help I put into the world. That business I worked for was the worse den of predators I had ever seen. Stealing land, money, and security from innocent people, my friend! Innocent people just trying to make a living and provide for their families. How can bad people get away with things like that and people like me and them are tossed aside to rot in the gutters? It is not fair. And it is not a world I want to live in.

I am truly sorry my friend that the first you hear from me in months is ranting about my collapsing life. Please tell me what to do. Otherwise, this is goodbye.

From, Me

...

Dear "Me," (LOL)

First and foremost: Buck up, my friend! So, life is kicking you around a little bit. Throw on your helmet and shoulder pads and get back in the game! Coming to me shows that you must have some sense left. Of course, I can help you. I am the only one that can help you. But you showing any doubt at all tells me you don't know what I'm capable of. It's insulting! Would you really end your life? What about me? Are you so selfish as to do that to me? Because you might be ready for it, but I am not!

Anyway, I did not answer your letter just to criticize you but to help you. There are three things you need. Faith, people, and love. I know that sounds hallmark but hear me out. Faith. You will find a good church to go to and attend weekly. Don't worry, I will go with you. It is good to have hope and see a brighter future. You will also renew your faith in me. Come on, pal, have I failed you yet?

People. Your friends aren't ignoring you to be mean. They are worried about suffocating you because you always panic when they are around. So, you will gather Kay, Jaimie, and Oscar for a night out and tell them the uncomfortable truth. You are scared to get close to anyone in case you lose them, like your mother. She died, my dear, you will need to accept that. But she is still with you in your heart. I know you would rather have her beside you, but your heart is closer. You will see her someday, but not right now. Right now, you have me, Kay, Jaimie, and Oscar and we all need you badly. Your mother would tell you that same thing. I remember her strong will. And if you have people, you will always have a place to stay, trust me.

Lastly, you need love. Love is your drug now. So, you worked for some awful people. You don't have to anymore. You will get a job pulling people out of the gutter. You will get licensed and help people with doubts like you. You will tell them to buck up and put on their helmets also. You will save them from the cruel world, from the bottom of the food chain. Because everyone can find faith, people, and love. You, my friend, will be their guide. And in being so you will be stronger than any of those predators in that cursed company. Here's the difficult part. Forgive and apologize to your neighbor. Forgiveness is the strongest part of love, and you need to achieve it. Go to court with your head held high and forgiveness in your heart. Then we will go to the shelter and find you another dog. You will name this dog Hope. Do you see what I am saying? Love people, love God, and love yourself. And also love your rusty Chevy blazer. (Wink) You can make just as many memories in that as in your Impala.

You see, together we can take on the world. It doesn't have to end right now, especially with this mess you're in. Make it better and die happy when you are 102. You can do it. Have faith in me, I am your people, and I love you more than you know.

Yours and forever with you.....Myself