Few Words

My new roommate arrived promptly at eight in the morning. I had thrived in the apartment all by myself for the past two months. I didn't have to use headphones when watching Gilmore Girls on my phone, and I could sleep in my underwear. I could leave the window open at night to feel the breeze. My old roommate Becca didn’t tolerate that. But rent was astronomically high and I was ready to share it. When the knock came, I shovelled the rest of my eggs and avocado into my mouth and offered to help her unload.

She was older than I expected with a slicked yellow bun and wide eyes. She wore a pencil skirt, ready to head to work at some fancy law thing or other. I felt a tad under dressed in my Minnie Mouse slippers and tangled bedhead.

We said few words as we brought in few boxes: Hi, her name was Amber Higgins. Yes, I was her new roommate, Amy Atkins. Thank you, I think it’s a nice apartment, too. I carted in exactly six heavy hardcovers with boring legal titles. They were arranged on the shelf next to my romance novels. Not one thing of color or one decoration. Mostly a box or two of clothes, some food, some bedding. Just the usual when someone moves, just much less. The rest were legal looking items for her job, like those fancy pens that feel like you’re writing in melted butter. They don’t cramp your hand up like a BIC pen. And she had a real briefcase, like in the movies. Everything was business with Amber Higgins.

I scrubbed my egg pan in the kitchen as she put her food. I said “You get these two shelves, Amber. Also, feel free to use space in the fridge and freezer. And if you need more room, let me know.”

“Thank you. I will be fine with this.”

Her shelf had canned soup, bread, peanut butter, and what looked to be a bottle of iron supplement pills. A brand new level of bare minimum, really digging at those stones on rock bottom.

My shelves could not have looked more different with my spices and worn cook books. I hoped dearly, for her sake, that these were her essentials. She needed a grocery trip at her earliest convenience.

Amber wrote down the code for the front door, and then looked me over. I tried to hide a stain of spilled cranberry juice on my T-shirt. Amber said, “I am heading to work. I will be back tonight. I look forward to living here with you.”

“You too.”

And then she was off. Fully moved in after five total trips from her car, about thirty minutes of unpacking, and one drawn-out uncomfortable interaction.

###

I didn’t see much of Amber those first two months for two reasons. I was in the midst of my hardest semester of college, working towards an Elementary Ed degree. I wanted to make crafts, point to letters, and laminate things for the rest of my life. My half of our room was full of the first grader projects I was testing for my nonexistant students to try some day. It looked like a daycare disaster, and I was sure to keep her side of the room free of my paper scraps and glitter. It could not have been more different than Amber's side: a single gray comforter and bare walls.

The other reason was Eddie. I spent any free hour with him outside of class, so there wasn’t much left over to get to know her. Sometimes, Eddie would ask about Amber. We definitely agreed my roommate situation could be worse.

On our five year anniversary he took me to a diner. He chewed his hamburger, ketchup on his chin. “How’s the new roommate?”

“She’s fine. After living through Becca, anything is better.”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah, at least this new girl doesn’t leave her toenail clippings on the nightstand and steal your toilet paper.”

I dunked my chicken in ranch. “This girl doesn’t watch TV, either. No music, no phone calls. We just shuffle around each other in the mornings.” Eddie grunted, slurping up his coke. “She just brushes her teeth, takes a five minute shower, and slicks her hair into that awful bun.”

“Do you talk?”

“A few words here and there.”

He laughed. I could see his bite of hamburger almost make its way to freedom as he munched. “Sounds like she’s a real weirdo to me, Babe.”

When the check came, Eddie raised his eyebrow at me until I paid.

###

One Saturday morning, I woke up from a beautiful dream about a possible wedding, exactly as I’d always imagined. I wore an ivory dress with a long train and those dainty white buttons all up the back. The color theme was my favorite shade of purple, and there were Baby’s Breath flowers in my bouquet. We cut the cake, and we danced and danced. Eddie smiled.

After a dream like that, I planned one of my fancy dinners for that night, Eddie’s favorite. If I pampered him, I held out hope for a ring. It took all day, but it was ready promptly at six, although he was exactly forty two minutes late. Amber had a rare Saturday free and sat at the counter with me most of the day. As always, we said few words to each other. No, I don’t need help, but thanks. That looks like a cool book. Yes it’s quite fascinating. How bout this weather we’re having? The table was set with pan-seared salmon and lemon potatoes. I made a side salad with walnuts and oranges and a spice cake for dessert.

I was worried Amber would stick around during our date, but when Eddie knocked on the door, she politely excused herself. “I hope you have a wonderful date night. I will be in our room.”

Grateful for her tact, I told myself to save her a plate. And maybe do that more often. She didn’t deserve to eat just peanut butter and chicken noodle soup.

###

One day after she got back from work, Amber handed me a cupcake from a Walmart plastic carton. It was vanilla with a twisting top of frosting and rainbow sprinkles.

“What’s this for?”

Amber opened a pack of candles and stuck one in each cupcake, lighting it with a match from a brand new box.

“It’s my birthday today.” She smiled at me, but I just felt sad. I wished I had a surprise gift all wrapped up for her. Maybe another boring book or something.

“It is?”

“Yes. I wanted to celebrate with you. And these are the best cupcakes in the world.”

She blew out her candle and then took it out, sucking the frosting off the bottom. I offered her my candle too, but she shook her head. “For you, Amy.”

So I blew out my candle and ate my cake and we sat in the kitchen for another two hours, just sharing a space. When we went into our room that night to get ready for bed, I couldn’t help but question her a little.

“So, Amber. What did you want to do for your birthday? Did you see any… family or anything?”

She took the last pin out of her bun, letting her hair poof out around her head. “Don’t have any. Thanks for the cake. It’s the best isn’t it?”

I lied and told her yes.

###

The breakup was harder than I imagined. Five years and three months was a long time to be in love when they are not. I caught him kissing his ex, Sherry Miller, behind the movie theater on date night. I left and tried not to look back.

By the time I got home, I was out of tears. My mascara had stained my shirt. I opened the door to see Amber sitting in the living room, one of her endless books open on her lap but staring instead at the wall. There were bags under her eyes. I slipped on my Minnie Mouse slippers and sat by her on the coach. We said few words, just like always. Yes the date was bad, we broke up. Thank you, that’s sweet of you. And what’s up with you? Your boss really did that? I am sorry. We were good at those polite condolences.

The next day was another rare Saturday Amber wasn’t working. Or perhaps she called in sick. She seemed ill, tired and sad. Drained like an empty balloon. She had never looked overly peppy when we had first met, but she certainly hadn’t looked crushed.

She slept in a bit. I got up and started at it, thinking of those horrid Walmart cupcakes, probably the only cake she had ever had for her birthday. With no family, I imagined nobody ever bothered to get her a cake, or check up with her, or know her at all. It kept my mind off Eddie who never bothered to be anything for me. Baking the cake and whisking the frosting seemed to fill a tiny part of my heart again.

That morning, Amber and I had cake for breakfast. My own recipe. And we cried as we ate it, good healing tears. We said a few words as we sat there, cupcake wrappers laid out like coasters on our counter. This is way better than Walmart cupcakes. Thank you for being my friend. Yes, and thank you for being mine.