All That Mattered

It had been twenty-four years since she’d last seen it, but the place looked exactly the same. It was small town Washington USA. As she stood in the middle of downtown, she turned so she could look down each street.  As she looked east, she could see the hill where at the top was the hospital she was born. At the bottom was the apartments they lived in when she and her sisters went to live with their oldest sister and her husband when their grandma died. There was the five and dime where her mom took her to buy “mountain candy” and she would play with the Thumbelina doll while her mom shopped. At the end of the block was the town newspaper office the same old sign lit above the green-painted concrete building where it had been since before, she was born. She saw the old, faded green and pink sign lights surrounding the outside for The Princess Theater sign where she and her sisters would go to the movies while her parents went to the Elks Lodge on Friday night.  She remembers having to hold her sister hand as they walked the block and half, her oldest sister knocked on the door and waited for someone to come. She would ask for dad and he would give her the keys so they could get in the car to stay warm. Soon their parents would come out and drive home; most times she fell asleep on the way and her dad would carry her to bed. Behind her was the Buster Brown shoe store where they would go for school shoes in August and June for tennis shoes.  She loved the smell of the shoe store; it smelled of leather and old wood; the building was one of the oldest in town and still looked like it had never been painted. The owner of the store was always there to say hello and if he were not busy would come over and measure their feet going to get the boxes off the shelves for them to try on. She remembers, in the summer going barefoot a lot. She liked feeling the green or dirt underfoot and scrunch it with her toes. The street further down had some houses and ended up at the high school.  The Rexall drugstore was the across the street; she bought her first 45’s there when she was twelve. It was also where the baby rattler fell off one of the wheat trucks and caused havoc for a couple of hours until they caught it. After that she had been afraid to walk downtown for fear of a snake being coiled up in the entry ways of the stores and along the curb. She caught herself looking down at the curb checking for snakes and laughed.  She thought back to the parades when her dad drove the tractor for the 4-H group towing the trailer every year. They would decorate the trailer and called it a “float”, she always got to ride as long as she waved at the people.  She thought back to all the county fairs they went to so the sisters could show the sheep and the cows. The last one was the summer of 1963. She would never forget; after an evening of fair rides, food, and fun they were all at the last game. She was tired and whiny; dad said one more game while the sisters went to the barn and bedded down the animals for the night. She woke up laying in the grass in front of the booth and they were all gone. She had no clue how long it had been, she was crying and calling for them running to familiar places, she started in the barns but all she found were the animals going to sleep for the night. She went to the car after that, at some point she had fallen and her knees were bleeding, they weren’t there either but she did have the sense to stay there because eventually they had to come to it to go home. As she sat down leaning against the car door a couple came over and asked if she needed help, as she told them that her parents had left her at the game booth, the lady used a tissue to stop the blood. The couple took her back inside to the Information booth. She was crying so hard snot ran off her chin as she tried to tell them her dad’s name. The guys from the ambulance stationed there for the fair wiped her snotty tears so she could talk, then cleaned and bandaged her knees. They called for her dad to come get her and the first thing she said when she saw them, “YOU LEFT ME”. They were all happy that she was safe, and they were all hugging her telling her we thought you were with your sisters and the sisters we thought you were with mom and dad. She laughs about it now and thinks it was far from the worst thing that had happened to her. 

It would be the first time she had been to the cemetery by herself.  Her one sister still lived in town and made sure that the flowers were placed on the graves throughout the year. Her Great Grandpa Pat had donated the land years ago and made arrangements in the deed for his family to have a certain number of plots to be handed down over the years. Her uncle had made arrangements for them to be buried. Her grandparents were buried under a tree and her parents were two rows up from them. She walked over and brushed the leaves from the headstones. She feels the tears well up in her eyes and she went back to the viewing It was just the four girls and their grandparents.   She realizes now how hard and painful them to bury their child and his wife, while trying to be loving and supporting to the children. She had spent most of her life that she could remember with her grandparents before she started school. She had more of a bond with them then her parents. She figures that it was the universe protecting her for what happened.   The funeral was to be double with the closed caskets, the immediate family in one area and the others filled the place with some people standing in the back of the room.  Once the service was over, they watched the caskets being loaded into the cars and the family fell in the funeral procession to the cemetery. She does not remember arriving at the cemetery going to the grave site or sitting down; she remembers the 21-gun salute. Her dad had several in the Navy during WWII and received military honors. There were seven guns and each firing three times.  She clenched her fists with every shot and fought the tears that were starting to run down her face. The caskets were lowered, her grandparents gathered the four sisters up and left.  There was probably food serviced and the family gathered to give condolences and catch up with each other. She felt the looks of pity and her aunts and cousins talking about “Those Poor Porter Girls”. Looking back as an adult she can understand the family’s reaction to her parent’s death. There was no reason that anyone could think of; they had gone to have their family picture done, go out for dinner and spend time at their cousins’ house. They did not know that her parents had talked to the girls about divorce, nobody but her dad and sister knew that her mom’s old boyfriend from Arkansas had moved to town after they had visited in 1961, nobody but her grandparents and sister knew that her parents had physical confrontations. Only her grandparents knew that her dad could get so angry he would black out like he did that night; at least that is what they came to think happened. They believe that she was going to leave he blacked out and shot her then took his own life after telling them to call their grandparents to come get them, that he had shot their mom. There was quite a bit of confusion after that; her oldest sister made phone calls and the neighbor man came and took the younger sisters to his house. It felt like hours before their sister finally came and got them and took them to meet up with their grandparents at their aunt and uncle's' house.

The property had been sold and the house torn down to put in the interstate that went from the state line to meet up the highway that went from Spokane to Seattle. There was nothing left for her there but the graves of her ancestors. As she got into her car and turned to wave goodbye to the graves, she thought back over her life. She learned that the universe has a reason for everything, she may of took the long way, but she had finally found her purpose and that was all that mattered.