The Boardwalk

“Sugar?”

“Yes, please.”

“Milk?”

“Do you have any oat milk?”

“No, sorry.”

“I’ll pass on the milk then.”

Margot handed the steaming cup of English breakfast to a pair of frail and wrinkled hands. The hands happily accepted the mug, bringing it close to their face and inhaling deeply.

“I’ve always found tea to be more aesthetically pleasing than anything else,” the hands remarked.

“Hmm, I’ve always thought it tasted like childhood,” answered Margot. “My mom used to make me a cup of tea whenever I needed warming up. Two spoons of sugar and a splash of milk.”

The hands brought the mug close to their lips, blowing gently before taking a sip in hopes of cooling it down. They took a small sip.

“Ahh, I misjudged. It’s a bit hot.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I could bring you an ice cube to cool it down or…”

“Oh no, it’s fine,” remarked the hands. “We should probably discuss why I’m here.”

“Right…” Margot trailed off. 

She hadn’t been looking forward to this. Margot hadn’t been looking forward to much lately. After everything that had happened, she had begun to feel a numbness to life. Nothing satisfied her anymore. She ate because she must. She slept because she must. She went to work because she needed to make a living in order to continue with life, as it was. She didn’t know if she was depressed, as she felt well enough to take care of herself physically, and for that matter, she didn’t feel depressed or saddened or fearful. What she really and truly felt was that she had lost all ambition. And with the loss of that ambition, nothing really mattered too much anymore. She could face life without fear because life itself felt non-committal. If she died, she died. And if she lived, she lived. She had no real desire for either option, so she simply chose to live because that’s what was expected.

“So have you decided?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Margot looked at the woman sitting across from her, dazed and confused.

“I know it must be a hard decision for you,” the woman continued, “but a decision must be made soon. We have some wonderful families who are looking to adopt if you decide to keep…”

The woman kept speaking but Margot had stopped listening, letting her mind drift off into another moment, another place. A time when her desires pushed her forward toward a life filled with vision and purpose, a life she had previously felt was full of meaning and goodness. She could almost taste the salty ocean air, smell the intoxicating aroma of cotton candy drifting on the warm breeze that blew her hair into a frenzy. She released a small giggle. And when she opened her eyes, she was standing there again. On the boardwalk. She walked past children, skipping along with ice cream cones, teenage girls with arms linked and belting out lyrics to an old song. Her eyes drank in the people all around her. The curious group of nuns lugging surfboards to the beach, the unicyclist trying to impress a pretty girl, the old married couple sitting on the sand enjoying each others’ company. It was the simple pleasures in life that often brought Margot joy. And she loved to come to the boardwalk to breathe, to think, to feel alive in the moment. Just as she was about to head over to a snow cone stand, a friendly pair of golden eyes caught her attention. She bent down to pat the massive Labrador that had bounded up to greet her.

“Aren’t you a sweetheart!” she cooed. “I wonder who you belong to?” 

“Sorry, love, that would be me. Sasha has a bit of a wild side!”

Margot looked up to see a man standing over her and Sasha. He was a bit odd and gangly looking at first glance but when he smiled, his face lit up with a new vibrancy. Margot rose to greet the stranger.

“Oh, hello! She does seem like a lovely dog. I have soft spot for labs. My family had one growing up.” Margot rambled on. 

“Yes well, she is the current love of my life, I’m afraid, so I’d like to hold on to her,” the man chuckled.

“Oh no, I meant err, I wasn’t going to steal her!!”

“Don’t worry darling. I was only jesting with you” 

The man offered his hand and Margot grabbed it in a firm handshake. A tingle shot through her body and she could feel a flutter in her stomach as if butterflies had suddenly taken up residence.

“I’m Oliver. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Oliver smiled that beautiful smile.

“Uhh, Margot. My name’s Margot!”

Margot was overcome by a sudden flurry of emotions. Oliver was charming in a way if one was into awkwardly handsome young men with a British accent. It was like Andrew Garfield and Harry Styles had a baby and this magnificent creature was their love child. 

“Well, Margot, care for a bite to eat? Sasha and I would love for you to join us. As a proper thank you, for not kidnapping her and all,” Oliver teased.

“I-I would love to!”

Margot’s mind began racing with all the wonderful possibilities this could turn into. The memories they’d create together and the blissful moments they could have right now. But life, she would come to find out, didn’t always play out the way one desired. It had a way of bringing one to the highest mountaintop only to send you hurdling into the ravine below not long after. She didn’t know this yet. All she knew was that she was going to dinner with Sasha and Oliver. Margot smiled and let her mind wander…

“Sweetheart, are you alright?”

“Hmm?” Margot blinked a couple times before realizing where she was.

The older woman clasped her hand in hers looking alarmed.

‘Perhaps I should make you a cup of tea?”

“Oh, yes perhaps that would be a good idea,” Margot answered.

“They say caffeine isn’t good for the baby, but stress can do a whole lot worse. Besides,” said the woman, spooning sugar into a massive mug, “I drank three cups of coffee a day when I was pregnant with my first and he turned out just fine.”

The woman placed the mug in front of Margot and sat down on the couch next to her, wrapping one arm lovingly around her shoulders.

“Do you want to keep the child, Margot?”

“I think he’d want me to keep the child.”

“Yes, dear, but what do you want?”

Margot liked to think of herself as a Renaissance woman. She often found herself attracted to a variety of hobbies that interested her and could never quite settle on one thing to dedicate her life to. It was her intention to experience as much as she possibly could. Life had so much to offer, so why waste it living out a mundane existence. Her current list of passions included but was not limited to, baking the perfect chocolate chip cookie, becoming a famous Broadway actress, or off-Broadway, or off-off-Broadway (She wasn’t too picky), discovering a new species of fish (she’d recently acquired her scuba-diving license), and hopefully becoming her own one-woman band despite her complete lack of musical talent. Margot wasn’t just a dreamer, she was an ambitious go-getter. More often than not she knew what she wanted and she went after it. She’d thought about motherhood, as many do, but it never seemed in the cards, as there wasn’t anybody in the picture. That was until she’d met Oliver.

“This is my favorite place, with my favorite food, and my favorite girl.”

“You’re too sweet,” Margot blushed and popped a grape into her mouth.

‘Oh, I mean it! Six months ago, I never thought I could love someone as much as I do Sasha, but you’ve stolen my heart, Margot.” Oliver took Margot’s hands into his own, pulling her close to him until their lips met.

Even after so many months, Margot could still feel the butterflies as they performed their latest dance, having taken up permanent residence inside her belly.

“I love you,” She smiled and could feel herself floating away, the only thing keeping her grounded, was Oliver’s hands on hers. Just then, Sasha stuck her head in between them, letting out a disgruntled “bark” and giving Oliver’s face, a good, slobbery lick.

“It seems someone is a bit jealous. I’m dreadfully sorry, Sasha my love, but you’ll just have to share me with Margot. I simply could never part with either of you.” Oliver winked at Margot and that easy smile enveloped his face. His eyes shone in the sun almost as golden and vibrant as the star itself.

“You know,” remarked Margot, “You and Sasha have the same eyes.”

“Ah, but of course! That’s one of the reasons I picked her! We have a little bit of each other, always.”

Margot liked the way this felt. It was easy. It was right. Nothing had ever felt more right in her life. With Oliver, she knew she could live her life the way she’d always dreamt but in a much bigger way. She was able to experience life with someone incredible by her side. Oliver brought out the best in her. He made the best parts of her shine and he never judged her for any of her shortcomings. She knew he would never be upset with her with whatever she decided to do with their baby. She wanted to keep a piece of him with her always.

“You’re starting to regain some color. A little caffeine and sugar always do the trick,” the woman remarked giving Margot a squeeze.

“To be frank with you, I do want the baby. I’m just not sure if I can take care of it all on my own.”

“Do you not have any family dear?” asked the woman.”What about the father?”

“The father?”

When Margot was a little girl, her favorite game in the world was hide and seek. Unfortunately, she had no brothers or sisters but her parents always made it a point to spend lots of time with her. Her father especially. He would spend hours playing and she often had to get creative with her hiding spots so as not to be found so easily. She might’ve been a child, but her father was ruthless and competitive when it came to hide and seek. Her father died from a heart attack when she was thirteen and her mother was all she had left. Her mother never grieved in front of Margot. She put on a strong appearance, but Margot knew that behind closed doors, her mother was a wreck. She often stayed up late into the night, listening to her mother weeping. Margot would go to her mother and try to console her but time and time again, she insisted she was fine. As time passed, she really was fine. Her mother eventually remarried when Margot turned eighteen, but she knew it wasn’t the same. Her stepdad made her mom happy, but her father had ignited a flame in her that had never been relit. Margot didn’t know if she had what it took to be a mother. 

“Hello?? I’ve been trying to call you for hours now..I’m starting to get worried. Call me back.”

That was the fifth voicemail she’d left for Oliver. He never ignored her like this. This couldn’t be good. Maybe something bad happened? They were supposed to have met 5 hours ago but he never showed. Margot wasn’t usually one to get worked up, but her heart was beating so fast she was starting to think a hummingbird had somehow found its way inside her chest. Her phone lit up and started to buzz. She immediately picked it up.

“Hello? Hello?” She was frantic.

“Hello darling, I’m sorry, I couldn’t call sooner. You see my phone died and..” There was a catch in Oliver’s voice as if he was trying not to cry. “Um…ah…”

“Where are you? Are you okay?”

“Yes, um,…Sasha she, she was out and about and she caught hit by a car.” Oliver’s voice broke. The man, usually so full of charisma and charm, could barely string a few words together. “We’re..I’m…”

“Just tell me where you are, my love. I’ll be right there.”

A few days passed, then a few weeks. Oliver slowly started to recover from the loss of Sasha. Margot herself had grown fond of the lovely Labrador and her heart was absolutely broken. Without Sasha, Oliver and Margot never would have met. 

“I brought you a cup of tea. Two spoonfuls of sugar and a splash of milk.”

“Thank you my darling. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Oliver sipped his tea.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better, but it gets a little easier every day. I had Sasha since I was a young boy, you know. She lived a long life, but she didn’t deserve to go like that.”

“Noone does,” Margot said and wrapped her arms tightly around the back of Oliver.

More time passed and the tears subsided, though Oliver still got weepy whenever they walked along the boardwalk and passed a dog, any dog, big or small, fluffy or hairless. But Margot knew he would perk up once she told him the most wonderful news. She was pregnant. He would be ecstatic, or so she hoped. They walked along the beach and she couldn’t help but remember the old couple she spied on the day she and Oliver had first met and wondered if they would live a long and happy life like them.

“Hey watch this!” Oliver yelled.

He ripped his shirt off and ran into the waves. 

“Hey! Wait for me!” Margot let out a giddy scream and ran after him. “No fair! You’re bigger than me!” She yelped as Oliver picked her up and promptly tossed her into the salty waves. "Bleh, I hate the taste of saltwater.”

“Well that’s rude, the water has been nothing but pleasant towards you!” Oliver exclaimed and swam out deeper into the ocean.

“Be careful!”

“Always my dear! Safety is my first priority. Well, that and impressing my lady.”

Oliver jumped up into the air, mimicking a dolphin before falling back under the waves. Margot exploded into a fit of laughter, tears streaming from her eyes, mostly from the saltwater, but what Oliver didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. She waited for him to make another appearance, perhaps imitating a humpback whale, or a manatee, but she could not see him past the waves.

“Oliver? Oliver, stop messing around. OLIVER!”

People often say that grief never goes away or gets smaller, but time grows around it. This creates the illusion that it is no longer as much of an issue as it once was. In a way, people seemed to think that those who have lost can move on. And they do, one would suppose. People buy new pets to replace the ones they’ve lost. Margot’s mother met a new lover after the true love of her life was taken too soon. New can replace old. But the piece never quite fills the gap that was left behind. It stays and if one thinks too long or too hard on such matters, grief overtakes them and it is as if no time has passed at all. The only proper response is to hold on to the memories and live a life worth living for their sake. That’s what Margot knew she had to do.

“Ma’am, I’ve decided.”

“That’s wonderful, dear.” The woman took a long sip from her still steaming mug. “What have you decided?”

“I’m keeping the baby.”

‘Okay! Let’s proceed from here. I know a great doctor…”

Yet again, Margot had stopped listening. She was back at the boardwalk, wind in her hair, cotton candy on her tongue. And the faint sound of a playful bark in the distance…