Rak Off, Hairy Legs!

Kylie Doll was in her reflection mode. She arose early, as normal, and lit her penny candle. These days, all was going well, so she said her morning devotion of gratitude, to accentuate her positives. It was her fiftieth birthday. Despite some setbacks, she had found somehow a plateau of peace and love.

Kylie Doll internally wound back some of those years. Once she too had believed in love and marriage. She had been a reasonably attractive bank teller, enjoying being young. Along had come Cheetham, that older man everyone warned a young woman not to attract.

Cheetham was tall, dark, lean, tanned, a healthy and fit former football umpire. He started asking Kylie Doll to have dinner with him, so she did. Cheetham was charming, told funny stories, he was the best kisser she had known. So experienced, he told his excuses for divorcing his three ex-wives, and only spending 'quality' time with all their children.

Kylie Doll now agreed she had once been so gullible, and that he had groomed her. Courting her with flowers and bling, Cheetham swept to her the altar, in spite of some suspicions from her European mother. Kylie Doll's father could not stand Cheetham, soon she understand why.

The first weeks of their marriage were full of bliss. Sparks tingled them. Kylie Doll was installed in a very impressive home, and instructed to decorate it any way she liked. Cheetham suggested she give up work, and concentrate on being his wife. The gloss quickly faded, when Kylie Doll wanted to have a baby of her own.

Cheetham paled in this conversation, he grew quite angry, and stormed off to have a drink. He had told Kylie Doll he had enough children already, they were not really his thing, all that fatherhood bit. So Kylie Doll lay alone in their king size bed, queen of nothing. Cheetham eventually returned, and their marriage rolled along in a different way.

All his friends were their friends, largely work related, in a high-drinking social scene of ageing couples. Cheetham had been one of the most hated males in the city football league, football umpires were scorned more than parking inspectors.

Kylie Doll never enjoyed alcohol, so she sat at these parties, listening to Cheetham attracting more negative angst. The former umpire sat drinking, telling tall tales no one cared about any more. Kylie Doll always wishes she was home in bed in her comfy nightie with a good boo, and her kitten.

One day, she was. The day after the party the night before, Cheetham went off jogging in his usual manner, to keep himself fit and attractive. He was only 43 years old, but he keeled over, collapsed and passed instantly of a massive cardiac infarct. He did not come home from jogging, he was gone. Kylie Doll had been wondering where he was, so she drove her flash car on his jogging route.

There Cheetham lay, in his cute shorts, no ID. A stranger had summoned the paramedics, but it was too late. Kylie Doll pulled herself together, and organized his funeral. She thought it was a romantic gesture to have all his wives lay a red rose on his coffin, so the funeral parlor arranged all that.

The day of Cheetham's send off was bright and sunny. Kylie Doll did not know what the sunshine was so cheerful about, birds so chirpy. She led the prayers at the graveside, glancing sideways at the young pregnant woman standing next to her. To Kylie's surprise, the ex-wives all smiled, as the young stranger said, " Rak off, hairy legs!" His first wife agreed, hiding a laugh, saying, "Girls, we need vodka, these roses are for us!"

So the girls all got together at the wake. Cheetham had left his finances in a dreadful mess. All those Sundays when he had told Kyle Doll he was visiting his children, he had really been grooming her replacement. Now all his girls had to find new homes, and support Cheetham's kids. The mortgages were in arrears., he had borrowed on his life insurance policies, his workplace was a drunken sham.

Kylie Doll's mother said, "Good riddance!" Inwardly, Kylie Doll agreed. He had done her wrong. "Rak off, hairy legs!" That was the end of her marriage and any non-existent mourning for Hairy Legs. Cheetham by name, Cheetham by nature. Kylie moved in with her widowed mother, in her retirement unit, plus the kitten, of course.

Fortunately, her bank took her back as a finance officer. She brought a human, understanding face to her job. Life went on, all was serene. She got to the stage of being senior loans officer, a single woman, her baby making years had passed her now.

Kylie Doll and her mother went to their local church every Sunday. Kylie Doll could feel the love of the almighty, she believed she could live in hope. Her kindness was a blessing to all she met, Kylie Doll was asked to join the prayer group, where her faith community joined in prayers in good intentions. Her mother was still kicking on, Kylie did not realize that love was only round the corner. In the meantime, she spent her prayer times blessing the world, praying for peace and wise leaders.

She received an invitation. It was for a family reunion, for her father's side of the family. Would he be there? Years ago, Kylie Doll and her cousin, Tom, had been destined to be star crossed young ones in love. They were always the best of friends, teenage hormones had kicked in, and the family seniors had forbidden them to ever meet again. They done them wrong, driving apart two soul mates.

Such patriarchs had been so strict, and were now all gone. Kylie Doll supposed she would meet Tom's wife and kids, all part of her family. Yes, he was there, still had that magic twinkle in his eye when he smiled a Kylie Doll. Soon, they were chatting, what did it matter now?

Divorced these days, Tom still held a torch for his first love. They swapped phone numbers. Subtle phone conversations and whispered endearments let to exploring all those years of repression, their mutual attraction. Strangely, Tom only lived 5 km away, saved on petrol, he always laughed. He sent her a bouquet of beautiful pink roses for her birthday.

The penny candle flickered in the dawn of her half century. Taboos no longer mattered for Kylie Doll and Tom. She reflected on all her blessings, only briefly thinking of her long ago disastrous marriage. It was not very Christian, but all she ever thought about Cheetham now was, "Rak off, hairy legs." Kylie Doll and Tom, finally getting their blissful revenge on their might have beens. They were feeling the love, by being happy at last, all their future ahead.......