You are not the boss of me.

Control.

Who has control of who.

Control.

What has control of who.

Control.

Where is control of who.

Control.

When has control of who.

Control.

Why has control of who.

Control.

How Has control of who.

Huh?

Confusion abounds.

Leverage.

Levers are a funny thing.

Pulled up.

Pulled down.

The scrolling rolling pictures and numbers pass before the eyes in dizzying milliseconds.

Then.

Duds.

Appear.

The duds saying.

”You just lost.”

So.

Dood. Thought. Hey, I am not a dud.

So. Dood pulled the lever again.

For about a hundred times.

The pictures kept displaying the same old same old story.

”Loser.” (In Dood’s mind only, of course.)

New horizons.

Trying something new.

Crossed Dood’s mind.

Dood carefully stood up.

Dood walked around.

Everything was twinkling, sparkly, colorful and inviting.

’Cept.

Dood was overwhelmed.

Many sights. Many sounds.

It was an effort even to walk.

Too many decisions.

Too many levers to pull.

Dood sat down.

To gather His thoughts.

His knees were still shakey.

His head was pounding.

Overwhelmed.

Dood’s mind wandered, back. To simpler times that were not simpler.

Like the time, in the dark, he was invited to a birthday party to play the dreaded,

Laser Tag.

Dood chuckled to himself as he remembers he basically hid in the corner the whole time. Thank Goodness it was dark, he proudly thought, because then no one could notice him. There was no way, NO WAY he could have found his way out of there to call his Mom.

To come and get him. Rescue him Help him.

Why?

Cell phones were not a thing in those days.

He was stuck.

At a party that was supposed to be a fun celebration.

But for Dood.

It was not fun.

Wanting desperately to be a joiner, of the other kids.

Yet, a deeper place in himself always told him it was ok if he did not join. It seemed, to him, as if Dood’s life was a milisecond behind everyone else’s, he frustratingly thought.

Now. As more of a “grown up.” He grew to Leeann and then determine it was just the cards he was dealt. The cancer he must conquer, the migraine he must overcome.

Daunting, really.

Because was it “organic.” Time never told. The professional adults in the room never told. In fact, they ran away. Denial has a way of making some think themselves to be superior to others. They. ran away.

Dood was left to live a life of hiding.

Behind others, things, places.

For the longest time, his dutiful Mom was his shield. She had no problem, NO PROBLEM, telling someone “where to go.” She did it with non aggressive grace. Her only cause was protection of Dood. Of Dood’s brother.

Protection of Dood.

As he sat among the twinkling, sparkles, colorful and inviting lights, he felt a confidence in disagreeing with their “busy-ness” in luring him into their trap. He closed his eyes. Some may call it “meditstion.” Deep breathing. never worked. The one thing that did, work.

His Mother taught him it is ok to accept things as they are. Accept him self as he was. Is, and forever shall be.

It is what it is.

But it is not always what it was.

Leverage pops us.

Leverage plays fickle and insidious games with our lives, with our heads.

Some people continue to skate right over the backs of others.

And.

Never look back.

She always understood.

Dood’s Mom.

But.

She did not always accept.

Because.

Parenting is and was never a popularity contest in her mind.

Dood thinks back to the challenging times.

Perhaps emotional overcompensation was the only tool in the tool belt, Dood thought.

Better that than a a rifle☺️.

Attempt at humor.

Seriously.

When and if another lays, lies, whatever a hand on a person who is loved, protected, and cherished.

All bets are off.

All levers are off.

Lie your self, selves into oblivion.

Just do not take us with you.

Paying a penance has a price.

Yes.

That is why they call it penance.

A Price to pay.

No matter how “green.”

Or.

”Tinny”.

Deep down we all know what we are capable of.

Leverage have a way of pushing our buttons in ways, we never thought imaginable.

It is important to remember:

There are mean people,out there. using vast and different ways to alter the mid—not just with shakes or pills or liquids either. The best we can do:

Stick to our guns.

No.Not in actuality.

Figuratively.

Otherwise the vice that controls our behavior turns into the dreaded nightmare we have been trying to escape our whole lives.

Pattern repeats.

We are, once again, left holding the bag.

The bags.

Of poop

Of sh**

Of someone else’s problems.

While they are skating all over our back.

Control does funny things to people.

Stubbirnnes rears its head.

Back to square one, we are.

Again.

He helps us see the error of our ways. Not societal organizations and prices to pay. They are loaded with agendas and fixations that do not solve the problem.

Penance is a way of re directing ourselves back.

BACK.

To goodness.

To the goodness we once knew.

To the goodness we hope to see again.

Until then.

Dood, thought.

He will not always take issue and fight city hall.

Paying a dollar, writing a check is not the same as repentance for the sin. To sin against another is one of life’s worst.

Sins.

Thus.

When trying to get the job.

The girl.

The guy.

The house.

The cookie.

The car.

The class.

The nook.

The cranny.

The ticket.

The burger.

May be yield.

Improve on personal external actions toward one another.

Stop making excuses..

Our own excuses for wanting to burn another, make a quota, get the girl, get the guy.

Acts of contrition mean far more than revenge and resentment.

Remorse is the only reminder we need. It fills our soul with the deepest and firmest sorrow, proper and respectful regret we need.

The greenback is no measure for this, no competitor when the goal is goodness.

Actions speak louder than words.