Dobbelgangers

It's me, but it's not me. Weird. See, I'm an actor and I'm used to playing other parts, but occasionally this will happen; there'll be a line to sign up for the audition time and beside me will be my doppelganger. Makes sense. Looking for actor/singer/dancer in upcoming Off-Broadway Musical, caucasion, between five foot and five foot eight, muscular. Sign up at . . . . and then the actors come like beavers to garbage cans for the part. See, we're all in the gene pools and occasionally the same DNA redipenses itself in not identical twins. And I always talk to the dobbelganger. Find out if we're related.

           Once, the doppelganger freaked me out more than usual. It always freaks me out to see m doppelganger. But, once, I asked for their name and they had the same first name as I did. Then, for shits and giggles, I told him we had the same first name I did and asked what his last name was and he gave my last name. I told him he must be shitting me and to let me see his license. But, he took out his license and he had the same first and last name I did, but different middle name. Thank God for that. Maybe that's why we have middle names. But, I asked him who his daddy was and we had different parents. I asked about his grandparents and I didn't recognize them either. Weird.

           But, in intrigued me and him so we exchanged contact information. Right, like we're going to go on a date together later. But, we both got the call back on the second auditon, which is a cold read. Welcome to the world of thespians. The director looked at each of our headshots and made notes. Typical. But, while waiting to for the second run through, I decided to call up my folks to see if they ever heard of this guy with my name. 

           See, my parents are both into geneology, so I thought they might have some insight. Unless this is something like the movie, Six Degrees of Seperation. But, it wasn't. See, I never heard of this man's parents, but my parents had. Turns out his parents were my parents' aunts and uncles. Mystery solved. End of story? Well, not quite.

           Because, the following day I went to the usual coffee joint to get my usual coffee; coffee, three pink sugars, cream, whip cream and I sit down and I look around studying people. That's what actors do: we observe and immitate. But, again, I see a man who looks about my age who is the spitting image of me. Weird. I'm not high. So, I strike up a conversation and he realizes we look alike, too and we talk. Same and first last name again, but different middle name than mine or the other actor. So, I ask him what he does for a living and he's a bookkeeper. Weird. That's what I told my guidance councelor I was going to be when I grew up when I was in seventh grade. I ask him who his mom and dad are and again, don't recognize the names. So, I try calling my folks, but get the answering machine. So, I take down his number and say I'll get back to him. How many siblings did my grandpa have? 

           Speaking of siblings, I have two sisters: Jane and Mary. And I wonder if these other two mes have siblings.  I took down their numbers and e-mails, so I can ask them. So, I get through the rest of the day, wash up, and go to sleep. Usual, everyday stuff. But, here's the thing, when I wake up, everything is weird. Weird weird. Like, I look in the mirror and I'm twenty years older than I was last night. 

           So, I check my wallet and everything's the same in there. Got money, credit cards, debit cards, etc. But, I go to the normal fast food joint, place my order, pay for it, and sit down. Then, I see someone who looks like I looked yesterday. Weird. So, I ask his name and he looks at me with eyes that ask, What are you talking about; but he says his name and says, duh. It isn't my name, though. Why would he look like me and not have my name. Then I ask his last name and it's my last name. See, now that's normal weird. Then, I ask who his parents are and he gives me the same eyes and says, “You and Mom are. Duh. Did you get high or something, Dad?” And I don't know the answer to this question, because when I look up, everyone is me at different ages from infantry to senior citizen. Weird. 

           Then, thinks start getting fucked up like in The Matrix where everyone is me. The cashier is me, the janitor is me. Everyone, everywhere and I ask my son if he sees mes everywhere and he says, no, what am I talking about? So, I take a few deep breaths in. Maybe I'm dreaming. So, I go home and go in the shower dressed and turn on the water and my clothes get wet. Not dreaming. Son-of-a-bitch. 

           So, I start thinking; do I need to see the shrink, an opthamologist, look at my meds, or what? Then, everyone's voices start distorting like guitar distortion peddles. Then, the light starts distorting like rooms with curved mirrors. So, I'm freaking out and screaming. Then, there's void; pure void. Like, there's no right, left, up, down, just void. Then, I see two detached bunny ear antennas, but also detached from each other floating in the void in free fall or with no gravity. Can't tell which. Still, no points of reference. If two objects move towards each other in a void, there's no way to tell which object is still and which object is moving, but there's oxygen, so can't be space. 

           “I love my Siberian Husky.” Big, big, dog. What the hell are we going to do with a Siberian Husky? Where is it? Damn it. Show me where the hell it is! Time is the fourth dimension. “It is not I who am crazy, it is I who am mad.” Mad, not mad mad. You got anger control issues man, so when you're mad, take three deep breaths and count to ten. Maybe there aren't numbers in a black hole. Have to talk to the lollipop guild about this. Remember, in that song, Ding Dong the Witch is Dead, Sierri said “Slitch” means “a combination of the words 'slut' and 'bitch'. Weird. Thought it was rated G. And then everything in the void stops like white snow on a TV from the '80's. And there's nothing. Just nothing, but I don't feel hungry, thirsty, need the restroom, or anything. It's just vast void. Nothing. Weird.