Holy Dip

Trigger warning: rape

River Ganga was flowing beautifully and making that spring evening cool and calm. People after taking the holy dip in the auspicious water of Ganga were ready with earthen Deepak (a lamp Indian use to offer prayer) to worship. But Nanda was sitting still at the bank of the river since morning staring the water asking to herself how all those sins can be washed away in the river Ganga? Nanda heard from her elders that whatever wrongdoings you do every bit of that flow away in the holy water of Ganga. But she was confirmed this error will unsanctified the Ganga. There is no holy dip for her.

                                                          *

Wee-oee-Wee-oww siren of the ambulance was growling.

Move….

move…….

bring the stretcher……..

fast……

move fast……

She is in critical condition.

Call the emergency staff now.

Her body had many blue marks, she was bruising, she was bleeding, her bones were dislocated. Her intestines were damaged. She was screaming intermittently perhaps her nightmares were bringing those horrendous flashbacks. She had hard time to breath.

Doctors put her in the ICU.

                                                           *

Nanda was still talking to herself still sitting at the embankment. 

I tried to give the best to my child. Where did I lack?

'Did I give a substandard upbringing?'

'I am failed.'

'What will people say about my parenting?'

Alas there were not any answer to those questions!!

She was fighting with her inner mother and woman.

                                               *

Doctors were running hastily.

She was in coma, and police needed her statement.

Her family was waiting to hear her again, but deep down they were almost sure that she would not survive. Everyone was traumatized.

                                                *

Here sky became orange, bells started ringing people were deifying the river Ganga and Nanda, she was cursing herself, her parenting.

Those worshiping bells were saying this is an unfixable blunder.

She still remembered the first step of her dearly kid, his first cry, his first smile, his first walk, his first fall everything was crystal clear to her till today. She did the very best possible thing for her child a mother ever wanted to do.

‘Though he was stubborn but almost every kid is like that.’

‘Though his anger was uncontrollable, but many kids possess this nature.’

‘Though he quarrelled a lot, but this is how a kid behaves.’

‘Though he did not obey elders, but kids learn with age.’

‘Though he raised his hand on elders many times, but kids do not understand right and wrong.’

‘Though he became crazy if he did not get what he wanted, but he was just a child.

Everyone always focused on his faux pas, but I always believed he will change one day.

Everyone said you should tight your control on him, but I believed in liberty.

Everyone said you should not fulfill his every wish, his every demand, but I wanted him to live his childhood.

Was I wrong or every parent do the same as I did?

Nanda was confronting with many questions.

                                                           *

Doctors were trying hard, giving her the foremost treatment to bring her back.

Media was reporting the accident.

Police needed her to tell the details.

And country wanted the culprit.

There was a impatient wait to identify the victim.

                                                           *

But Nanda who was still sitting looking her shadow in the water saying to herself, ‘why could not you stop him?’

Orange sky changed into blue colour, a colour which is a symbol of trust credibility, calm, power, and Nanda had lost all of these. In a full moon night reflection of the sky burning her from inside.

I remember when he said,

‘Maa I will not leave her.’

‘she cannot ditch me like this.’

‘I will ruin her life.’

Nanda was scared first she tried to calm him down when he was resisting, she scolded him, ordered him to respect her and forget her.

‘she never said she loves you.’

‘but I love her Maa. I am crazy for her.’

‘are you out of your mind I never taught you to disrespect a woman. Stay away from her. She is an innocent girl.’

But he did not listen to me.

He left with bloodshot eyes. I was in fear after seeing his rage.

*

Hospital staff was running here and there. Doctor come early…….

She is trying to speak nurse informed the doctor.

Police arrived hurriedly taking her statement. She was having hard time to speak but perhaps she was alive just to punish those monsters.Her cheeks were covered in tears and what she said had killed everyone standing in that ICU room.

“he came to me with four other guys when I was leaving for home from college and asked me to marry him. When I denied and told him to stay away from me. He grabbed me put me in a tinted glass van then they took me in an old building where his friends and he first stripped me………..uh huuh huuh………she was crying hiding her face. She sobbed they made my nude videos and then raped me again and again. One of them put a rod in my……. and she cried loudly. Do not leave those evil-doers give them strictest chastise. They crashed my life.”

Do you know them? Could you identify them?

Yes, I know………hi..hiiiiis naamme.. She was trying to speak but……….. 

‘Nurse put on oxygen mask fast she is having irregular noisy breathing.’ Doctor said.

Her statement became the headlines of every news paper and every news channel. That was her first and last statement.

She died without naming those sinful creatures.

Police was investigating to find them.

                                                           *

Nanda remembered that night she was aware something catastrophic had happened.

“A 23-year-old girl is gangraped and thrown naked at the outskirt of the city.” News was flashing everywhere.

She knew who the felon was, but she loved her son like any other mother. Her son came home he was drunk, and saying continuously 'I gave her a lesson Maa' and he slept but kept on saying those words repetitively. She could not sleep. She wanted to save her son.

She was looking at his childhood photographs and pondering how an innocent kid changed into a leviathan. I think people were right I destroyed my child with over pampering. I always satisfied his tantrums. But what else I could do I was a widow I tried to give the affection of both parents.

Her son was her world, but her world has demolished her world. She was tormented. In the early morning she left home for the river Ganga that was her routine. She used to spend her morning hour at Har Ki Pauri Haridwar from the time she was unable to remember. But that morning was different.

She was still sitting there it had been almost 24 hours.

She felt guilty of giving too much liberty to her son.

She felt guilty of not informing her son's intentions to the girl family or police.

She felt guilty of not telling police who did this crime.

She felt guilty to birth her son.

"But he is everything I have. I love my son like any other mother.’ She sobbed. I want him safe with me no matter what he did."

A Mother cried but a woman felt guilty to even think to save her son.

Nanda was confirmed a dip in the river Ganga cannot wash away this dreadful crime. But she took a oath to take a holy dip.

A dip to penalize those immoral.

A dip to give justice to that innocent girl.

A mother had been beaten by a woman.

A mother was ready to atone for the errors which cannot be fixed.

Nanda stood up went to the police station and said, ‘I am the mother of the Rapist. I know who the criminals are. Arrest them, Punish them. She wept loudly.’

Nanda gave her statement against her only son and his friends. Accused were hanged till death and she completed her holy dip by giving justice to that innocent girl.

 A holy dip for justice.