Rejection

Jessica tugged at the green taffeta dress, she’d gotten from the consignmet shop on East Broadway. Last week she’d fallen in love with how it fit and looked on her. Her coworkers had tranformed the bland hotel meeting room in a Christmas party zone. She scanned the room for Thom. If it wasn’t for him, she wouldn’t have bothered to get a newish dress, or even come. 

There he was over by the planter, his back to her. With his height, his suit looked perfect on his broad shoulders. Why was he talking to Lydia, who only ever worked night shift. Did he even know her, beyond night shift handover? She couldn’t see his expression. Probably Lydia had cornered Thom and he was looking for a chance to get away from her. 

Don’t blow it, she told herself. Now, they were in this setting, not work, having a few drinks, he’d talk to her. At work, he was always reserved around her. She’d concluded he felt anxious around her, because he was in love with her, and that was why he always seemed a bit awkward. 

“Turn around Thom”, she telepathed, imagining him asking her to dance, holding her close and murmuring in her ear, and in the end staying overnight at her place, and in the morning little children with his eyes and blond hair would be waking them up.

“Are you going to just stand there,” Samantha, one of the health care workers said, looking at the casserole dish Jessica cradled. Oh no, Samantha was wearing almost the same green dress, just a few sizes bigger, and she had large flashing Santa Claus earrings dangling from her pixie bob. 

“My God, we’re twins. Isn’t this fun. Here, wear one of these earrings,” Samantha clipped off one and held it in her hand. 

“No, no you need to wear the pair Sam. I’ll just get rid of this.” She nodded at the potluck table. Her feet felt wooden walking across the floor. She needed a drink asap to relax. And she needed to get rid of Sam, breathing over her shoulder. Thom would never approach her with Sam sticking to her like a Siamese twin. At the long table already covered, she found a discrete spot to place her Swedish meatballs dish. All the dishes looked vegetarian. Last year every one was into meat. How come no one memoed her? She could never win. 

“Oh Michael’s coming over here,” Samantha said, straightening her shoulders. and compressing her lips. “Is my lipstick okay?”

Jessica nodded.

Michael grinned. “You look stunning. I mean you both look stunning. Did you two decide together to wear the same dress” 

“No, but its like we have a secret ESP,” Samantha said, but Jessica felt his focus on her. 

She shrugged. “No, but Samantha looks better.” He nodded but his eyes hadn’t moved from her neckline. 

He moved in and took her arm. “Jessie, let’s go get you a drink.” She pulled her arm and stepped back. “No, I’m going to give myself a few minutes. Go ahead.” But she really needed a drink. Samantha looked miserable and took a long sip of her red wine. 

“You sure, Jessie?” 

When had she okayed him to call her, Jessie, like she was a pet dog. “Yes, I’ve got to get my bearings, if you know what I mean.”

“Not sure, but maybe you’re right, better to go slow, but what would I know about that?” Samantha drained her glass, and twirled the stem in her hands, looking at Michael with a puppy dog expression. God, how can she be so blatant. Of course he’s going to reject her. 

But how did Lydia corner Thom. They never worked together, and now she coud see his profile. He was smiling and looking very comfortable. He leaned in to Lydia, whose face was shining. She was almost as bad as Samantha. How could Thom fall for that? The woman was practcally throwing herself at him.

He was leading Lydia towards them. Jessica crossed her fingers, now this is where he’s going to dump her and hook up with me. As they neared, she averted her eyes, and waited for the greeting. But he walked past her, squeezing Lydia’s hand and leaning down to say something to her. They went up to the food table and filled up thier plates, chatting the whole time like they’d known each other forever. 

“How about some food?” Michael said. 

“I’ll have some. I’m famished.” Sam’s speech was already slurred. 

Michael ignored Sam, and looked at her, “You?” 

Jessica shrugged. “Yep, might as well. Come on Sam.” With any luck, Michael would give up on her, and settle for Sam. 

Jessica made sure to sit at one of the tables near where Thom and Lydia were sitting, so she could watch them, and she made sure Samantha was sitting beside her and urged Michael to sit across from them, which he only did when Jessica insisted it would be better for conversation. After a long tortuous dinner with inane conversation, almost everyone else was up on the dance floor. Thom had already danced five songs with Lydia, and they looked like they were fused together. 

“You want to dance?” Samantha said to Michael. 

“Er, no thanks,” he said, barely glancing at her. 

Her face fell. She stood, and huffed, and said, “I think I’ll go mingle.”

Jessica missed the woman’s presence and felt a vacuum of space, which Michael intended to fill, skirting the table. 

“You still haven’t gotten a drink yet,” he said to her. 

“You could’ve danced with Sam,” Jessica said.

“I know, but she’d get the wrong idea.” 

“Oh, your’re just full of yourself, Michael.” She stood up abruptly and walked away. She walked over to the bar and asked for double shot vodka drink, and tilted the glass to slide down her throat, feeling an immediate buzz. Michael hadn’t followed her. He was talking to two other girls who’d sat down at their table. 

She marched back, and grabbed his shoulder. “Let’s dance,” she said. 

He shrugged away from her. “Sorry, Jessie, I’m not interested.”

“What do you mean?” she said, staring.

“Just that, Jessie, no go.” He turned back to the two women, who were regular casual workers, and she could see he was turning up the charm. 

Jesscia grabbed another drink and left the hall. Outside the cold wintry air hit her, and she hoped she hadn’t made too much of a fool of herself. She’d blame the drink. Maybe Michael would too, but probably not. 

“Wait, I’ll walk with you.” It was Sam, who lived a couple of blocks further than Jessica in the West End. 

“Right, looks impossible to get a taxi. Times, I wish I had an uber account.”

“But I need the exercise. Besides with rent, I cant afford that,” Samantha said. They both brought running shoes out of their packs and changed. Jessica expected another stupid crack about them being twins.

Maybe it was the drink, but she felt companionable with Sam, who had a dry sense of humor and did imitations of their coworkers, so that Jessica was home before she knew it.

“Want to come in for a night cap and watch some TV?” she said.

“No thank you,” Samantha said, mimicking Jessica’s voice and averting her eyes. Then she switched back into her own voice. “I see you looking at Thom when you think he isn’t looking. But didn’t you know, he thinks you’re a total snob. The guy doesn’t have a clue how you feel.”

“I’m not going to throw myself at him, not like…”

“Not like I was doing with Michael tonight, Michael who’d never give me a second look, but at least I tried…and I’m not sorry I did.”

“I didn’t mean that. Are you sure you don’t want to come up.”

“No, but I agree with you. This dress looks better on me.”

Jessica sat in her apartment, feeling alone, even the rejects had rejected her. She was pathetic, the biggest reject. She’d never go to another staff Christmas party again. After an hour of lounging in the dark, her self pitying thoughts hounding and circling, Sam’s last words came to her.

The next shift she worked with Thom, she smiled and gave him full eye contact and said hello. He looked unsure for a moment, and then he grinned back at her.