Two Minutes

The small travel kettle let out a shrill whistle, stirring me from my thoughts. I poured two cups of boiling water over peach tea bags. The water turned a faint orange hue. When the color settled, I lifted the string of my tea bag and watched the colors swirl once more. I started to lift the tea bags out, but her voice floated through the air.

Two minutes. No more, no less.

I dropped the bags back in and leaned against the cool stone, feeling the solidity of it against my spine. The morning sun hadn’t yet crested the hill, allowing us to remain in the cool air for a while longer.

I picked up my styrofoam cup, feeling the sides slightly cave in under the heat. I took a deep inhale, blanching a bit as the bitter smell wafted through my body. I forced myself to take a sip.

“Just as awful as ever,” I muttered. I tipped my head back and gazed at the sky—cloudless and empty, like my insides.

Your insides are cloudless?

“Empty.”

Baby, that’s even worse.

“Here we are though.” I sighed, and pushed the second cup of tea further away from me. “Here’s your awful tea.”

You know it’s good for you.

“You’re good for me.”

I was.

“You still are.”

I set my cup of tea beside the other one and rolled my sweater up behind me. I laid down, molding my makeshift pillow around the edge of the stone until I was comfortable. The sky remained blue above me, and I drifted.

A shriek woke me abruptly. I ripped myself out of bed, getting caught in the sheets and hitting the floor on one knee. Grumbling, I yanked the sheets off and stood. Another shriek brought me back to the moment, and reminded me why I was awake.

“Baby?” I called, tripping over myself once more to get to the bathroom. “What’s wrong?” The door was locked. “Mel, open the door!” I pounded and shook the knob, panic attacking my body. “Mel!”

The bathroom door flung open, and I was ambushed in a giant hug. Her body convulsed silently.

“Mel?! What is it? Are you hurt?!” I pulled her off me, hands bracing her shoulders. I brushed her copper hair away from her face. Stars dotted my vision and I took a step back, falling onto the bed. “Jesus, Mel. I thought…I don’t even know. I thought you were dying with those screams. Like I was about to find you all bloody and…god, Mel. What is it?!”

She was staring at me with the biggest grin on her face and stifling incessant silent giggles. She took a step forward and put her hands on my shoulders.

“I’m fine, baby. More than fine, I think.” Her smile that she was normally so self conscious of stretched even wider, showing her slightly crooked bottom teeth. I loved when that happened. I felt myself grinning as I waited. She locked her hands around my neck and climbed into my lap, one leg on each side of me.

“What is it, baby? Tell me,” I whispered. Her green eyes absolutely shone as she leaned in to kiss me.

“I think…I think I’m pregnant.” Her fingers curled into my hair. I stood up, still holding her. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I spun round and round, laughing. We collapsed onto the bed, giddy and more in love than ever.

“I’m going to be a dad?”

“I hope so. We have to go to the doctor and confirm, but…yes!”

I twitched. The air was starting to warm up. I would have to move soon. But I couldn’t bring myself to leave just yet. I closed my eyes again, basking in the early sun and allowing myself to drift in and out of consciousness yet again.

“Well your blood test came back positive!” Dr. Carlson congratulated us. I gripped my wife’s hand tighter.

“Why do you look like that?” I asked. Dr. Carlson’s brows were knit together. His congratulations didn’t match his face. My heart pounded in my chest. Dr. Carlson sighed and wove his fingers together.

“We just need to do a physical exam. Your hCG levels seem a little high for this early in your pregnancy and I want to make sure everything is as it should.”

“What does that mean?” I whispered. Mel gripped my hand tighter. I glanced at her. She’d turned ashen and couldn’t meet our eyes.

“Nothing, yet. It could be twins; it could be that we’re more pregnant than we thought; it could be that we need to rerun the bloodwork. Let’s not worry about anything. Let’s just do the exam, yeah?”

Dr. Carlson led us down the whitewashed halls of the offices to an exam room, leaving us alone so Mel could change into a gown. Once she was seated on the exam table, I leaned my forehead against hers. I could feel her trembling against me. I pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her hair. I hoped she couldn’t feel my racing pulse.

“What’re we going to do with twins?” I mumbled. She sniffed and let out a small laugh.

“Good thing there’s two of us, baby. What are you going to do when they’re both girls?”

I faked a groan and slapped my hand to my face. “I will be very outnumbered, won’t I?”

A quiet tap at that door pulled our attention away. Dr. Carlson came in a moment later with some equipment.

“I’m just going to do an exam, and we’ll go from there, okay? Lay back and just breathe.”

I opened my eyes and stared at the sky. White clouds were starting to drift across. Light, fluffy, marshmallow looking clouds. How I longed to drift through the world without a single care. My hand was stretched out beside me, looking. I woke up like that every morning. Looking. Searching. My throat started to close.

I sat up and resumed my position against the stone. I picked up my now cold tea and took another bitter swallow. It was even worse cold.

I finished my tea and put the styrofoam cup back into the bag I’d brought. The travel kettle was cool now, and I tucked that back into the bag too.

Standing up, I poured the other cup of tea onto the grass and stowed it with mine.

I forced my eyes to look at the stone that I sat by every Sunday morning. I forced my eyes to read the words: Mel Lily, beloved wife.

“I love you, baby. I miss you so much.”

“I love you, too. Find me some tea?” She croaked. I nodded and went to the kitchen, scrounging the cupboards for her box of peach tea. I couldn’t stand the stuff, but she loved it. There was always a box of peach tea somewhere in the cupboards. I brewed her a cup and brought it to her bedside.

Gently shifting her to a seated position, I took the tea bag out. She stretched out a shaky hand and put it back in the cup.

“Two minutes, baby,” she whispered, smiling. I set the cup back on the nightstand and climbed onto the bed next to her. Cradling her, we sat and waited for the two minutes to be done.

It happened so fast. From the initial pregnancy test that we had waited years for, to finding out Mel wasn’t pregnant and actually had a growth tumor in her ovary, to finding out it was malignant and spreading too fast and had already spread too far. It was so fast.

It felt like two minutes.