Embracing the Bat

I want to love you as I love all things in nature, as I love vampire lore and Gothicity, as I love true crime and horror, but our first meeting was – unnerving.

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You sailed past me uninvited, the size of an eagle – in my mind. I cleverly trapped you in the old house, jumped out of a window, locking me out and you in as darkness fell in a dangerous neighborhood. The dark, the neighborhood, the jump, and you swirled together, creating a storm of terror in my core. For weeks, I left the old house at nightfall and returned at daybreak, like a vampire. For years, you stalked me, you mocked me, you walked me into hell.                                        

***

“Sweetie, you know I live two hours away.”

Mara stood in the driveway of the old Tudor house shivering.

“I know, Dad, but there’s a bat in the house.”

Mara’s Dad sighed. “OK. Where in the house?”

She hesitated. “On the sunporch. The light is on, so I can see him swooping around.”

“Did you close the inside door?”

Mara feigned optimism. “I did. He’s not going anywhere.”

“That’s great, Honey. He can’t get in the rest of the house, but if you don’t want to go back in, stay with a friend tonight and I’ll come in the morning.”

“Um, well, I don’t have my car keys, and I locked myself out.”

He heard panic in her voice, but he couldn’t keep from laughing. “I don’t get how the bat is locked in and you are locked out.”

Her voice broke. “I jumped out the window with the house phone. I’m leaning over the shrubs, you know, so the cord won’t snap. I was hoping the bat would leave, but the window slammed shut behind me.”

“That’s a six-foot drop. Are you hurt?”

“Scratched up some. I landed in the shrubs."

He blew out his breath. “OK, Girlie. I’m on my way. Call your Aunt Marie to pick you up so no one else does. Hide somewhere. I’ll tell her honk twice when she gets there.”

Mara sniffed. “No one can see me. There’s no moon and starting to drizzle. I’ll stay in the bushes.”

“If the bushes are high enough for you to hide in, they need cut back so no one can lurk and surprise you.”

“No one but a bat.”

Mara, you’re 40,000 times bigger than a bat, and half the size of most criminals. Call her as soon as we hang up.” She could hear him snickering. “I’ll call you from the shrubs when I get there and pick you up when it’s clear.”

                                                      ***

Three bats, two Dad saves, and an exterminator failure later, Mara put the old Tudor up for sale. Before it sold, she spotted a bat on a second story window screen. She grabbed the phone, escaped to the driveway, and called the police.

“Did he burgle you?” The thin, dark-haired officer mocked.

“Only my soul.” She sighed as she walked them to the stairs. “If you just pop the screen out with your baton he can fly off before the sun sets.”

Dark-hair got halfway up the stairs and turned around. “You go, Ron.”

Officer Ron scoffed. “Seriously?” He marched up the stairs, calling back, “Any concern for the welfare of the animal ma’am?”

Mar spat, “It’s not a fucking whale. Just poke out the screen and close the window.”

                                                                   ***

Mar was talking fast as she showed her father around her new house. The red brick masterpiece was on the main street of a small country town. “You don’t even have to lock the doors around here. Our neighbors are cows.”

He inspected every corner. “It’s built like a fortress, Honey. I’m glad you decided to move closer to me, you know, in case you need a bat whisperer.” He smirked.

“Gah, I never want to see another bat. I have nightmares about them.”

***

Mara walked around her room. She put her hand on the computer, the printer, the receiver, feeling for vibration. When she put her ear to the wall, she found the source of the buzzing.

“By Golly Begone, this is Bruce.”

Mara laughed. “Hi Bruce, I think I have carpenter bees in the walls. I hear buzzing at night.”

The next morning, the hunky exterminator took most of the morning to assess the house before he joined Mar on the front porch, clipboard in hand. He took a long drink from the glass of the lemonade she poured for him, and gave her a devastating smile. “Good news, Ms. Greco. No bees here.”

 “Call me Mara.”

Bruce gave her a nod and continued, “You have poachers, Mara. Bats have nested in the walls.”

Mar shook her head. “No, no, no, no.” She put her hand over her pounding heart and spoke through shallow breaths. “Sorry. I’m phobic.” She took three deep breaths.

Bruce spoke reassuringly. “Are you OK? Do you want me to come back later?”

“I’m OK. Just embarrassed. Can you get rid of them, or should I just burn it down?”

Bruce chuckled. “I can get rid of them. It’s a bit of a process. They’re protected, so I can’t use any chemicals. I’ll have to seal everything up and install a one-way door so they can’t return when they leave. It usually takes a few weeks to evict all of them and do a good clean up. It will be about $1200.”

Mar nodded. “OK. Let’s do it.”

***

Mara and her father were doing dishes in his kitchen. “Has Batman Bruce given you any progress reports?”

Mara laughed. “He gets that a lot. He’s almost done, but I’m not ready to go back. We’re going out after he’s done and paid.”

“Hell, I’ll pay him right now if that’s what it takes to get you to go out.”

Mara sighed. “My therapist said to start out looking at photos of bats and doing a relaxation exercise she taught me – all without medication.”

Mara went to her room and searched the internet for “cute bats.” From the thumbnail photos, she chose the Honduran White Bat, did the relaxation exercise, and clicked on the thumbnail to make it a full screen image, gasped and slapped the laptop shut. Her eyes filled as she swallowed a pill. She looked at the remainder of the pills in her hand.

I want to love you sweet-faced white bat, as I love all things tiny and adorable…but…