Golden Brown

Author's Note: This story is heavily-inspired by the 1981 song "Golden Brown" by The Stranglers. I don't own the rights to this song or its lyrics.

CW: Allusions to drug use

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11 May 2024

Dearest Aurelia,

Just so you know, I played our song at my bar tonight. Yes, “Golden Brown” by The Stranglers, that familiar refrain that makes you break into that certain smile that makes my heart ebb and flow like a diamantine river, permeated --- what else –-- The Golden Brown Bar. Even after six years, I could still clearly picture it: the almost-medieval harpsichord lilt filling the air, the dancefloor lighting pulsating in a warm amber glow, your jade green eyes scintillating and revealing the gold flecks in them, and your mouth stretching into a brilliant, aureate half-moon as you sway in my arms.

Oh, you bet I danced to it. As soon as that first B-flat minor note hit, my feet couldn’t help gliding along in circles to the alternating 6/8 and 7/8 signatures. My core couldn’t help tightening to that regal ballroom posture you’d taught me to carry. My arms couldn’t help stretching out like the leaves of a golden palm. Of course, though, I wish you were here to waltz with me; in my imagination, your gem eyes still sparkled at me whilst your marigold chiffon dress floated with every spin. That goes without saying.

Look, Honey, I’ve been thinking about you again. Yes, the day you walked away from me, you asked me to just forget you, to let all of the memories of us drown in the crystal clear waters of time. What if I told you I just could not let them go? What if I told you that you still shine as lustrously as the rarest of jewels in my eyes? What if I told you that anytime the bright rays of the sun first stream through those large bay windows in the flat, the ones you always loved, I still look for your lunar smile and for your green orbs?

I’m sorry to tell you that like a 24-karat gold ring, my mind has been engraved with you, every single fold now etched with your fluid movements and you beaming at me. Yes, when I think of the colour golden brown, it still makes me recall no one but you.

Golden brown was your hair the day I first saw you at an outdoor music festival. The sunflowers were in full bloom then, their vivid yellow petals and emerald leaves contrasting against a cerulean sky. However, at that very moment, all my soul registered were your luminous waves, the light of your moon smile, and the fluidity of your movements when I observed you dancing two rows from me. I knew I had to seize this gleaming opportunity to talk to you but was at a loss how.

Little did I know that my choice of outfit that day would be the golden key to your attention. I was ruminating how to make that first move, what I could do to go for gold with you when I heard your sweet melodic voice exclaim how much you loved the t-shirt I had on with The Stranglers on it. Before I could even move my mouth to speak, I noticed your jade eyes radiate the light of a million suns as you extended a hand and introduced yourself. Little did I know that you were Midas to me from then on: as soon as we touched, everything in my life turned to gold.

Golden brown was the succulent herb-crusted roast chicken you cooked the day we moved in together. I said to you that you needn’t make supper, that we could just get takeaway since we spent all day decorating the flat. You insisted on it, though. Well, I’m glad that you did. When I bit into my portion, I couldn’t help breaking into a contented grin…which made you flash that selenic smile I love. You responded with a passionate kiss that detonated an explosion of jewel-tones in my eyes. You murmured that it was the least you could do for someone that made you feel treasured.

Little did I know that it would be the first of many moments I’d be flooded, as if I were a bank on a river of gold, by your love. Living under the same roof as you, my Aurelia, I could only gasp every time you bought me a present just because you overheard I fancied it. I could only chuckle sweetly when you gamely leapt into my arms and glided across the kitchen floor when we prepared a meal. I could only whisper a gossamer-like “thank you” whenever I fell ill and you immediately came by my side with a bowl of saffron-infused pumpkin soup. Little did I know that your tenderness would be even more and more like a ruby, glimmering in scarlet passion, as the years went on.

Golden brown were the sands of the Philippines when we took our first holiday together. Honey, how resplendent you were in your crimson sundress under the blazing tropical sun. I declared it then, and I will repeat it now: You looked like a shimmering garnet as you strolled along with me, your delicate, petal-like hand in mine, on the pristine shores. When you asked the DJ at the beach party we attended that night to play us “Golden Brown”, I knew I needed to save every precious second swaying with you in the silver screen of my mind.

Little did I know that it would be the evening something would flow in me like molten metal, a fire that burnt so brightly that it could produce gem stones. Little did I know that as you waltzed next to me on the other side of the world, it would be the beginning of a gold-paved path to buying you a diamond.

Golden brown was the sunset when I asked you to be my wife. I had everything prepared, you know. Your colleague Orla would hand you a little note from me with a gold seal. Then, you would open it and find out that the date I had planned for us is a dinner at The Canary Lounge. Of course, by the time you’d have gotten to your favourite restaurant, all of the yellow tulips --- the flowers you’ve always loved – would have been in the crystal vases I bought for my proposal, the photos of our treasured memories would have been hung on the walls.

Little did I know that you were at a meeting with one of your clients at the bistro next door. I was busy putting the blooms in their vases when I heard your familiar lilting voice. I turned to you and observed your familiar jade green eyes take in every single element in that dining area. It was now or never, so I gulped, approached you, took out the box containing a pear-shaped halo diamond ring in yellow gold, and got down on one knee. Little did I know that despite my shiny little ploy falling through, you’d still say yes, still choose to break into that half-moon smile as I slipped on a symbol of our intent to marry.

Everything was golden brown when you were with me, Aurelia. I had you, so I had all things priceless in the world….and I was a fool to trade it all.

Golden brown was the fluid in the syringe that ruined everything. It had been two months since our joyous engagement when I first tried it. I had been stressed out with trying to manage the bar whilst planning the wedding when one of the regulars, the one who always wore a paste emerald ring, came up to me and demanded I try his “anti-stress solution”. I refused at first, but he assured me it would make everything dream-like --- as if the world were all gems. Little did I know that first shot was but a gateway to me craving more, was but the first crack in the diamond of the future I wanted to build with you.

Golden brown was your dress the night you bawled your eyes out after I met your parents. You had been looking forward to introducing me to them, for them to see how much our love shone like a valuable stone. You pleaded with me not to shoot up, but I insisted, was as adamant at feeding the addiction as a prospector searching for a nugget. I showed up at your childhood home with jittery hands and ruby red-streaked eyes. By the time the meal was served, I felt my focus dissipate like water in a dried up river. Little did I know at that moment that inside you, the love you had for me was starting to tarnish.

Golden brown was your suitcase the day you packed your bags and went out the door. Little did I know it would be for the last time.

Look, Aurelia, I’m not going to ask you to come back to me. You are a sparking jewel once gifted to me by God that I didn’t know how to care for. I’m not even going to blame you for moving on with the crystalline waves of life and becoming Alan’s precious pearl (Congratulations, by the way.) All I could ever hope to ask for is your forgiveness for choosing straw over gold. All I could ever want is for you to be happy, to know that the joy you feel is even more exquisite than the most expensive jewelry money can buy. That’s all I want, really.

Oh, and don’t worry about me. If you want to know, it's been a year since I last chased that amber liquid. I hope you're proud of me. Apart from that, I will always have our golden memories stashed away in the safe of my heart. Plus, yes, I will always have our song.

Still thinking you’re more radiant than diamonds,

Hugh