The Pet

"Look, Brian, out your window! Bumblebees!” Kelsey pointed. “The first sign of spring!”

“So?” I replied, not looking up.

“So? Spring is coming, wonderful weather.”

“I’m sorry to be a grouch, but I’m kind of busy here.”

“You Can read later.” She pulled my book out of my hands.

“hey! Give that back!”

“No. Let’s ride our bikes.”

“I don’t wanna!” I whined.

“Come on, let’s go!” She tugged my arm, and I grumbled and stood up. “You’ll thank me for getting you out of your mancave!”

I grumbled and drew the curtains of my huge picture window, and it became dark. I followed her out in the living room.

“This better be quick,” I murmured under my breath.

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” I replied as she opened the door.

“Come on!”

“What do you think I’m doing?” I asked as I stepped outside.

“Smell that spring air!”

“Ok, that proves it!"

“Proves what?

“You’re from another planet.”

“Silly, silly, silly Brian!”

“What’s wrong with you? Why are you so perky?”

“Come on, let’s ride!”

“Alright. If it’ll shut you up.“ I walked to the garage door, opened it, and hopped on my bike. I grabbed the handles as Kelsey got on hers.

“Let’s ride!”

“Whatever,” I said and rode into the street. A warm breeze blew my blond hair as I followed her.

“See? isn’t this fun?”

“I’d rather read my book.”

“Oh, don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud.”

“Nobody says that.”

“Well, I say it. So there!” she said and stuck out her tongue as

we passed Mr. Licehead watering his flowers.

“I just wanna read my book. I’m not really an outdoor guy.”

“Then, why do you have a bike?”

“You know why. Mom made me buy one because she wants me to get my fat butt out more.”

“So? She’s right. You need to get out more.”

“Yeah, yeah…” I rolled my eyes.

“Come on, enjoy the fresh air!”

“I’d rather shave my head.”

“But you love your hair!”

“Exactly.”

We rode to the end of our street.

“The end of the street. Can we go back now?”

“No, we must ride around the block.”

“Why?” I whined.

“It’s such a nice day… And besides, we need the exercise.”

“When did you turn into Anna Kaiser?”

“Your mom says you need exercise, so I’m helping you out.”

“Gee, thanks.” I rolled my eyes as a yellow car passed us.

We rode down the street as the sun disappeared.

“Why don’t you like riding your bike?”

“It’s just not my thing.”

“Hey, guys!” Dani Beth called down the street, riding her bike.

“I have something to show you. Come on!” She turned around.

Kelsey and I shrugged and followed her to the end of the

cul-de-sac and up her driveway.

“What is it?” I asked, dropping my bike in her yard.

“Brian! You can’t just dump your bike on—“

”Yeah, yeah. I don’t care.” I interrupted Kelsey.

“Hmph!” she said and followed us inside.

“In my room,” Dani Beth motioned to us.

“Is this a trick?” I asked.

“No. Come on!”     

“If this is a trick, I swear I’m gonna bean you!” I said and followed Dani Beth into the hall, up to her door.

She opened it and said, “Now, don’t scream. She’s skittish."

“Who’s skittish?” I asked, walking into her room.

“Is she a bunny?” Kelsey whispered.

“No, and you don’t have to whisper.” Dani Beth rushed to her closet and opened it. “Come on, little fella.”

Kelsey and I watched as a dark green creature walked out. It opened its red mouth, revealing sharp pointy teeth and orange eyes that gawked at us. It also had brown horns all over its long arms.

“AAAAAHHHH!”   Kelsey and I screamed, and the creature ran under her bed.

“I told you not to scream.” Dani Beth got down on her hands and knees. “It’s OK, no one is gonna hurt you. You can come out now.”

Then the creature crawled out. “ASAW!" it uttered.

“Yeah, these are my friends!” Dani Beth cooed.

“What is that?” Kelsey asked.

”I have no idea. I found her at the QT on Spooner.”

“What?”

“I was riding my bike around when I heard a noise at the gas station. It sounded like it was coming from the dumpster. So I climbed in and found her eating a shoe.”

“And you took her home?” I asked.

“Yep. I guess I was curious.”

“Curious?”

“Well, wouldn’t you be curious?”

“No, I’d scream and runoff.”

“Yeah, you would.”

“Hey!”

 “I got something else to show you.” She peeled her hair off.

Kelsey and I gasped.

“She ate it.” she tossed the wig in the trashcan. “It’s no biggie. It’s just hair.”

“She ate your hair?”

“Yes, she hopped on top, and I tried pulling her off, but it was too late.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Like I said, it’s no biggie.”

“Do your parents know?”

“I’ll just tell them I shaved it.”

“What about—?”

“I’ll keep her hidden.”

“What?”

“Don’t you think it may not be a good idea to keep her?”

“No, mom.” She rolled her eyes.

“It ate your hair!”

“So?”

“It might be dangerous.”

“I’ll be more careful. I promise.”

 I sighed, “Alright--have you named it?” I didn’t know why I asked.

“Her,” she corrected me. “And yes, I did. Her name is Patti.”

“OK.”

“Wanna see her trick?”

“Trick?”

“Yes.” She turned to the creature and said, “Patti, turn my TV on.”

To our amazement, the creature walked to the bed and grabbed the clicker. Our jaws dropped as we watched the creature turned on the TV.

”Pretty cool, huh?”

“So, it’s intelligent?”

“Seems to be.”

”How did you find out?”

"I dropped my phone and she picked it up and handed it back, so I decided to try to teach her a few things and she learned."

“Oh, cool.”

“Yea, I wish I knew where she came from.” She scratched her head.

The creature grunted, “La la." It smiled. “La la.”

“She does that sometimes.”

“La la.”

“I wish I knew what it means.”

“La la.”

“Maybe it means home.”

“Could be.”

“Do you wanna go home?”

“Ebindorf plo.”

“She’s never said that before.”

“Plikujy.”

“Or that.”

“Dani Beth, I’m going to the store. You want anything?”

“Oh, crap! I forgot mom was home!” she muttered. “Could you get me some Ritz?”

“Sure. Anything else?”

“No.”

“OK, I see Kelsey and Brian’s bikes are here. Are they with you?”

“Yeah."

“Hi, Brian and Kelsey, hope you’re doing good. I’m leaving now.”

“OK, I love you!” Dani Beth called.

“Love you too. Bye.”

A few seconds later, we heard the door close.  

Dani Beth let a deep breath out.

“She will find out. You can’t keep her.”

“Yes, I can!”

“Why do you wanna keep her?”

“Would you wanna keep an animal you discovered?”

“Good point.”

“But, you can't hide her forever.”

“I know.”

What are you gonna do?”

I slammed my locker shut and carried my books. I walked into first period and saw her bare head.

I went over. “Wow, you’re really doing this?”

“Yep.”

“You got guts.”

“Thanks.”

I took my seat in front of her.

Billy walked in and said, “Huh? Who are you?” He paused. “Dani Beth?”

“That's me!”

“You shaved your head?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“I wanted a fresh look.”

“Ha! Well, you got one!”

“Thanks!”

“Seriously though, you rock the bald look!”

She laughed, “Thanks.”

Mr. Kurt walked in and set his folder down. “Good morning, everyone. Ready to learn about cell structure today?”

Groans filled the room.

“Don’t worry, it isn’t that bad.”

I groaned and put my head down.

When Mr. Kurt says, ‘it isn’t that bad,’ it is!

Now, let me take attendance,” he said and looked in back. “Dani Beth, is that you?”

I twisted around.

“Yep.” She smiled.

“OK, who dared you?” he said, and the class laughed. “No, really though! You look stunning.”

“Thank you.”

He turned back to the chalkboard. ”There are unicellular and multicellular organisms. Can anyone tell me what unicellular means?”

“That the organism has one cell and multicellular means they have many cells.”

“Correct! And what do you think we are?”

“Multicellular.”

“Very good! We are indeed multicellular..."

I heard Dani Beth clearing her throat. I knew her long enough to know that meant she wanted my attention, so I sighed and looked back. She pointed under her desk, and I saw the green little head sticking out.

“What the…? You brought it to class?” I mouthed the words.

“Well, I wasn’t gonna leave her home. Mom cleans my room,” she whispered.

"Your funeral… Also, how did you get your mom to clean your room for you?”

“Dani Beth and Brian. Would you like to share your conversation with us?”

“No, Mr. Kurt .”

“Then, I’d highly advise you to pay attention.” He turned back to the board.

“God, please don’t let him find it,” I murmured.

“La La!”

“What is that?”

My heart pounded. I don't know why I was so nervous. She brought the damn pet.

“I heard a strange noise." He turned back.

 "La La!"

“There it is again! It sounded like some sort of animal.”

My heart did the cha-cha-cha as he walked down our row. Please don’t find her. Please don’t find her.  

“Oh my God! What is that?!”

I jumped and looked.

Mr. Kurt held up what like a squished tomato.

“It’s my art project,” Felicia said.

I let out a sigh of relief.

“Well, it's… good.” He handed it back to her then returned to the board. “Now, where were we?... Oh, yeah! So, if we are multicellular, we can conclude that ALL animals are multicellular.”

 I heard a small cry. I turned around and gasped.

The creature walked pon Felisgha's desk.

 I started standing up to nab the ugly bitch, but... 

Felisha turned her head and screamed.

 Everyone looked.

"WHAT IS THAT?!"

The creature leaped on Billy's head. “GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!” He ran as he knocked desks over, papers flying everywhere. He grabbed for the little demon.

The creature leaped on another head, leaving Billy looking like a cueball.

“AAAAAHHHH!” shouted Jessica as she tried pulling the bitch off.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?” a voice boomed.

All of us stopped and looked.

Mr. Fargus, the geometry teacher stood by the door. 

“She brought a freaky weird creature to school," I said, pointing at Dani Beth.

Thanks a lot, Brian." She jabbed me in the ribs. 

“La La?” Mr. Fargus blurted out.

“La La!“ The creature finished eating Jake's hair, hopped off, and ran to him.

“Huh?” all of us blurted out.

This is my pet, La La Ebindorf plo Plikujy.”

“What?”

“That’s Mr. Fargus' pet?” Billy asked, rubbing his bald head.

“I made her."

“Huh?” we said once more.

“She's part of my experiments.”

“Why is her name, er... that?" Dani Beth asked.

 “The name just popped into my head.” He shrugged.

“I found her in the dumpster at the QT," Dani Beth said.

“So, that’s where you went!" Mr. Fargus exclaimed and tickled her stomach.

She laughed.

“Thank you for finding and bringing her to school. I'd prefer it if you tell nobody."

“She ate our hair!"

“I‘m deeply sorry. Hair is all she eats."

She burped and said, “Yummy hair.”