Two Steps Away

This story contains references to self-harm and attempted suicide, as well as neglect.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh. Hi, Scarlet. I didn't expect to see you here."

"That's what you're going to say to me? Get away from the edge!"

"Why?"

"Because you'll fall!"

"No, I won't. Besides, it wouldn't matter if I did. You know that."

"I'm not talking about this with you standing there. Just please... take two steps back towards me, okay? Just two steps."

"Why should it matter where I'm standing for this conversation? It's not like it's going to go any differently from any of the other talks we've had. You'll be upset about something, I'll try to say why it's not as big of an issue as you're making it out to be. We'll argue, you'll come up with some grand moral argument that makes no sense whatsoever, tell me I'm stupid when I can't logic it out, and then we'll trudge off in opposite directions, neither one of us satisfied with the outcome."

"That's not—"

"Can't we just skip to the leaving part this time? Just this once?"

"What? No! You'll just jump off the cliff once I turn my back!"

"I'm not going to jump."

"I don't know that!"

"You act like this is the first time we've met one another on the edge of a cliff!"

"That's different!"

"Is it? I seem to recall it wasn't very different those other times. Do you remember the bridge?"

"What bridge?"

"I'm not surprised you don't remember it. It was a small moment for you, too early to really be paying attention to me."

"Bailey, what bridge?"

"It doesn't matter. What happened, happened. I'm still here, aren't I? I'm always here."

"What's going on, Bailey? Why are you like this? Why now?"

"What’s so special about right now? Is it because now everything's fine and solved and perfect for you? Now that the story is almost over, even though it’s not?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Surely you've felt it Scarlet. Jonathan's almost done with this part. There aren't any more obstacles in your way, no great enemies to defeat. We became friends despite everything, and we even sat on this very cliffside to watch the sun rise over the badlands. There's not much else to do, and I know how this is going to end. I think I've always known."

"What do you mean?"

"If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm not telling you."

"Bailey!"

"You know, you've never actually used my name."

"Your name is Bailey. I've called you Bailey. I've been calling you Bailey."

"Bailey is my last name. I mean my first name."

"You have another name?"

"And you wonder why I never really wanted to talk to you. You wonder why even after everything I still hold you at arm's length. Everyone has another name. Everyone in town has a first and last name. Surely you didn't think 'Sheriff' was my name."

"Of course not! I'm not stupid!"

"But you never thought to ask what my full name was?"

"Well, what is it, then? What's your full name?"

"I'm not sure I want to tell you now."

"Seriously? You make all that fuss, and then you're not even going to tell me?"

"I don't want to. You're treating this like a joke, Scarlet, but at least you've always had a name. I didn't in the beginning, if you don't remember. I was just the replacement sheriff, the 'other one', the failure filling space in the town prison from the wrong side of the bars. Yes, I know what you said in that saloon, I know what people thought about me. They were never particularly quiet about it!"

"But things are different now, Bailey! They're better! We're fixing things!"

"Are we?"

"Yes, we are."

"It doesn't look like it from where I'm standing."

"You're still standing on the edge of the fucking cliff, Bailey. You don't get to say that, not when you aren't even trying."

"Trying? I'm not trying? Tell me, Scarlet, what exactly did you do to keep this town safe in the last three years. How many bandits did you fight off? How many thieves did you track down? How many people did you have to push just to be able to do your damn job? Oh, that's right! You were one of the outlaws for most of that time! Yeah, you weren't attacking the town, but you weren't discouraging anyone else from trying to take us for everything we have. And you seemed to like making a fool of me before, so that didn't exactly inspire a lot of confidence in my ability to protect anyone! Trying was not taking you out whenever I had a clear shot. Trying was getting out of my cot every morning knowing that I was a joke to practically everyone in the town. Trying is standing on this fucking cliff and resisting the urge to throw myself off of it!"

"Bailey?"

"My name is Prudence! Prudence Bailey, and I had to give myself that name because no one else was going to!"

"What do you mean? Didn't you—?"

"Don't play dumb, Scarlet, it doesn't suit you. You know as well as I do what sort of world we live in. You know exactly who is pulling all of the strings, dragging us along until we play the parts he wants us to play."

"But then Jonathan must have—"

"Jonathan didn't even mean to make me a woman. He wrote you, poured every little bit of his attention and rebelliousness into everything that made you, but he barely spared a thought for me. The author plays favorites, and you know this."

"But he had to write you, too. He would have to have given you a name for that."

"He did, and it was the one you've always known. 'Sheriff Bailey'. I didn't even get my own sentence when he introduced me. I was piggy-backing on one of yours!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you not even remember the sentence that created you?"

"Of course, I do. 'Scarlet Sullivan was, against the odds and everyone trying to turn her into the rumors about her, a good person.' It's the first line of the story!"

"And what was the first sentence about me? It was one of yours; you should know it."

"I don't, though. It's not my first sentence."

"Scarlet, I know every line Jonathan ever wrote about me, and that's not many. He didn't give me a first name, he didn't describe what I looked like, he didn't even give me a place to live. I gave myself my name. I gave myself my appearance when I was new and naive and just thought he needed some help. I was a figment, just like all of the other undeveloped and unnamed characters, but I had the chance to make myself something, so I did!"

"But that's not how that works! Jonathan is supposed to—"

"Well, he didn't! And it took me years to figure out why!"

"Bailey—Prudence—what did you...? Why did he do it?"

"Because I was a tool to him. Just like I am to you. A means to an end. A convenient way to make the plot progress and the story build tension. Jonathan made me because you needed an obstacle to overcome, something to try and prevent you from reaching your goal. Obviously, it didn't work. You wouldn't be here, you wouldn't care where I was standing and why if we were still enemies."

"Yes, I care now! I care because we're friends! I... I thought you knew that."

"I do. I do know that. But that's... Scarlet, you have to see where this is going."

"You keep saying things like that, but you never say what you mean!"

"You can't be serious."

"Just say it plainly! None of this tiptoeing around what you're trying to say! Tell me what you mean by that!"

"Scarlet, I'm not a person the way you are. Not in Jonathan's eyes. I am a thing he can use to motivate you, to push you to your limits and beyond them in order to create the most interesting story. Before, I was trying to stop you from clearing your name by hunting you down like every other outlaw. You understand that, right?"

"But I did clear my name, and you welcomed me back to the town once you realized I had been framed the whole time! You gave me back my place and even made me your deputy!"

"And you care about me now. You said so yourself. We're friends. But Jonathan was the one who had us make up."

"Are you saying you secretly hate me? Is that what this is?"

"Scarlet, this is basic storytelling. You can't be this obtuse. We are friends, and that's the whole point! What happens when a main character starts to get complacent? You know your story isn't done. Tell me, what does the author do to create something more interesting?"

"They create a problem."

"Or they restart the cycle. Jonathan likes Greek mythology, we know this. He likes the more formulaic and standard forms of story-telling. You've literally been living the Hero's Journey. But he doesn't want your story to end, so he's restarting the cycle. Some things have to change, but you have new things you can lose, things that you gained from the first time walking the path."

"Bailey! I mean, Prudence! That's— He's not—"

"He's already started. You've gotten faster than me, built up a better rapport with the people. And then there are those attacks on the edges of town, the tips we were going to investigate about those caves on the far side of the gorge. Maybe it's not going to happen right away, but it's going to happen. He's going to kill me off to force you to grow into a new position."

"And that's why you're standing on the edge of the cliff? You want to go out on your own terms?"

"Oh, Scarlet. It doesn't work like that. You would have been free of me so much sooner if it did."

"What?! I thought you said that trying—"

"Yeah, well, some days I didn't really feel like trying very hard. I've been so fucking tired for so long that sometimes I didn't even know why I decided to keep going. So, just for a bit, just a couple of times, I stopped trying. But that's not why I'm here."

"Then why? Why stand on the edge of the cliff when you know the fall won't kill you? What's the point?"

"Because it's not about the fall, Scarlet. It's about the view."

"It's the badlands. What's so great about it?"

"I'm not looking at the badlands; I'm watching the sunset. And the sunrise. And the storm clouds gathering on the horizon, and just whatever the sky has to offer me. God knows Jonathan wasn't going to give me these moments, so I'm giving them to myself."

"And that's enough for you?"

"It has to be. But I don't really want much. I want the little moments like this. Or kissing Liza Whitaker under the willow tree out behind her family's farmhouse. Or helping Widow Guthrie tend her garden. Jonathan's not going to write a word of it, and we both know it, but until he finally kills me, I want to actually live."

"What if I can save you, though? I am the main character, after all."

"It doesn't work like that, Scarlet. He's the author."

"I'll make it work. I have to! I don't want to lose you!"

"Then we're both going to be unsatisfied."

"Don't be stupid! I'm going to do it. Like you said, he loves me. And if he loves me, then he has to let me save you!"

"When you finally realize I'm right, it's going to be too late, isn't it?"

"And when you realize I'm right, I'll expect an apology."

"Whatever. Do what you want, since I know you'll do that anyway."

"Now you're getting it, Bailey—Prudence. I meant Prudence. It's going to take me a while to get used to that."

"Look, can't you just sit and watch the sunset with me? It's almost time, and I don't want to miss a single moment of it."

"We can watch the sunset whenever we want once I make sure Jonathan can't kill you off like you think he will. Don't worry. I'll take care of everything."

"Fine. Go be a hero. I might still be here when you get back. Maybe not, but I guess we'll see."

"I feel like you're upset with me. I'll watch the sunset with you tomorrow, okay? After we get back from investigating the caves."

"Okay, tomorrow then. But we're coming back here for it. I'm not going to miss out on this view."

"Fine. But you have to stay two steps back, Bailey. I'll be here and you'll be safe."

"There, two steps back. Now I'm safe and you can go be the hero somewhere else."

"Good. I will. I'll see you later, though."

"Goodbye Scarlet. I hope he makes it worth ruining sunsets for you."