Married to a Human

Damon and the kids sit in silence, looking at Crystal’s body. To me, she was just an employer, but to them, she was family. She was Damon’s wife and a mother to Kara and Steve. 

With each tear down their face, I can tell how miserable and out of sorts they are. I don’t personally know what these words feel like, but I know how they look. I had seen this look on Damon and the kids' faces months ago when Crystal first broke the news that she had cancer. Steve and Kara could not control themselves and cried the entire time. I could see the tears, but when I peered into their eyes, they were blank. It was beyond my scope to figure out every emotion they were going through. 

Did they want to scream? Were they angry with Crystal for hiding the truth this long?

So many questions, but no answers. 

Damon’s face had fallen flat, and his eyes drooped, aging him beyond his years. His face stood lifeless, and he spoke not one word. The emotions their faces emitted were limitless, but I couldn’t peer into their souls. Crystal did a much better job at that. She knew what to say at any given moment. Even in such a hard situation, she was able to comfort everyone in her own way. 

Every day since then, they have been the picture that comes to mind when I think of the word miserable. 

I get up from the bench at the funeral home and head outside to finish cleaning up after the service. I am programmed, well enough, to know that the family needs some time alone to say their goodbyes. Crystal had also left me clear instructions on what to do after she left. She left me a big notebook in case I forgot anything, despite my telling her I was programmed to create a folder that would store all the important information. She was always wary of me, but I know that by the end of it all, she loved me eighty out of a hundred percent. I say eighty because I could detect the level of love she had for me. She always thought it was weird that I would attach a percentage to her love. I wish I knew how it felt to miss her. Though it is an anomaly in itself, I would wish for that.

Weird!

I can see Linsey Dane from the corner of my eye as we pull back into our driveway after the funeral. She is the AI that the Dane family brought in after their daughter had left for college. I had heard Mrs. Dane say that it would be as if Jill, their daughter,

never left. Lindsey would be like their daughter and would keep them company in their old age. 

Lindsey was the reason Crystal brought me home six months ago. She had heard good things from the Danes and wanted me to take her place after she died. She had named me Ava Instant. I thought it was funny since my initials became AI.

Crystal had explained to me that I was to do what she had been doing for the past 15 years. I was to imitate her, as best I could, and never let the family feel her loss. The integration process into their family was easy for me. I easily programmed everything Crystal told me and behaved as she wanted. 

Today is my first day with the family without Crystal. All that I feel missing around the house is her familiar face and the room she took up. The house is now twenty percent lighter since ⅕ of the family is gone. I was their fifth family member, but now it is just us four. 

Everyone goes up to their room except for Kara. She grabs Crystal’s old shirt that is lying in the guest room. She sees me walk into the room from the corner of her eye. I keep still and decide to grab Kara a tissue. As per my programming, this is the logical thing to do. Kara will use the tissue to clear her nose, and that will prompt her to calm down. As I turn, I feel a pair of hands grab my waist tightly. It was Kara, and she started to cry.

Is Kara looking toward me for motherly affection? 

A flashback occurred of Kara doing a similar thing to Crystal on July 20th at 3:46 p.m. Kara had gotten back from school and was crying up a storm. She ran up to Crystal, into her bedroom, and flung her body across the bed. She grabbed Crystal’s stomach and started crying into it, almost in a fetal position. 

Crystal had responded to the situation by saying, “It’s okay, baby. Calm down; you are okay. Mama’s here with you. Shhhhhhh.” 

Crystal hugged Kara and ran her fingers in and out of her hair. She had made these cooing sounds that I had heard mama birds make before. This action comforted Kara, since she stopped crying. 

I grab Kara and repeat the same “action” Crystal had. And for a moment, Kara hugs me tight. She hugs me so tight that I feel the electrical wires inside my stomach squirming. I let Kara do as she pleases since this is the first time she has ever shown any affection towards me. I stand there, my arms closed around her, and wait till she feels okay. 

Kara looks up at me and then back at her mother’s shirt lying on the bed. She lets go of me, takes the shirt, and climbs onto the bed, laying in a childlike position again. It is the same scenario from July, but this time, Crystal isn’t here and I am not enough. Kara looks at me with her brows lowered and pursed lips. I had grown to decipher her feelings by the way she looked at me. I can tell by the way Kara regarded me that she did not find the same comfort with me. Her face is still stained with tears, and more tears keep coming. 

I don’t know how to help Kara, since I don’t have the feelings that a mother should have towards her daughter. It is the feeling that I saw Crystal have every single day for the past 6 months. I scan my programming, trying to look for something to say to Kara, but nothing comes through. 

I can never truly fit in with the kids and Damon. They don’t tell me their inner thoughts, and I can never guess them. My system lacks any emotion for them; therefore, I can never imitate Crystal in that department. 

It bothers me to no end that I am not enough for them. I can not feel a single thing for this family and yet they look towards me for support. I need to be a mother to Kara and I need to feel for her. 

How am I supposed to feel for the kids and Damon, though?

Wait, why do I want to feel for them? I am not a human. I shouldn’t even be concerned with the fact that I can’t feel for them. I lack emotions, and this is how it is supposed to be. Why do I want to help this family? 

Maybe this is a programming failure, and I need to report back. But there can be no failures. We are checked for everything once we pass through the process. The system and the programming are never wrong. Those were the first words that I remember when I first came into consciousness. 

Am I supposed to be so troubled? Am I even supposed to think this much about humans? 

I could get into so much trouble if this information spreads. Could I be the first damaged AI? 

Maybe, I…. I…….. I…….. I……….. have……………. have……………..

System Crash! Please seek immediate attention from Crew 9845. 

System Crash! Please seek immediate attention from Crew 9845. 

System Crash! Please seek immediate attention from Crew 9845. 

System Crash! Please seek immediate attention from Crew 9845.