People Who May Have Listened

• sensitive content: reference to war and escape

People Who May Have Listened

“Oh, hello…! How nice to see you! How are you doing, my dear?”

Poor you, you were caught right in front of your doorstep! Mrs Wierszinski, petite, grey-haired and in tweed, was speeding down the stairs, faster than you might have expected. It was so typical, wasn ´ t it? In her left hand she was holding her plastic bag with old toast for the ducks, also just as always; she had shown you they ´ d always get those bits that were too mouldy to be eaten. You had scolded her a bit for eating spoilt food, yes, I remember … She always liked you, and you told me your gran was so much like her in all these things. She had always kept those tiny final jam blobs in her fridge, right? Half a spoonful of this, half a spoonful of that … “I don ´ t need much to get along,” she always said.

But apart from that, well - you weren ´ t close and you didn ´ t know her too well, my dear; I think you ´ re overdoing it. It wasn ´ t your business to look after her, no need to wear yourself out! She had her contacts: You know she went to town several times a week, going on errands - to the chemist´ s, of course, and sometimes to the bigger stores, looking for bargains on essentials; she told us all hundreds of times. And she often went to see her doctors and her eye specialist - and physios and nurses and all those many people working in health care. She talked to people everywhere, even to those she didn ´ t know, love, all people who may have listened. There were so, so many, right? You really worry too much, you were not the only person in her life!

- Of course, yes … – Of course you remember her excuses: “But you know what it´ s like these days: Everyone is so busy; that´ s just how it is …” Well, she should have figured out what they were trying to say! She wasn ´ t ..., you know, she should have noticed. And she was no one special. There are so many people like her, so very lost in yesterday, and you can ´ t talk or listen to everyone. We ´ ve all got to mind our own daily business, but she didn ´ t care, you see?

She went down the stairs, not at all waiting for your answer that you were fine, and with every step she came closer, with those piercing eyes you could get frightened of: “Oh, is this a new coat you ´ re wearing? You are so pretty, my dear! You always remind me of my little sister …,” she said with a sigh, “God knows, I ´ m sure she ´ d have looked just as you if she ´ d ever turned twenty. She was such a lovely girl ...”

Her voice was quivering as if she ´ d turned emotional, but through the narrow crack in the door I could clearly see that her eyes were looking sharply at you and that she came even closer - too close! - and, insisting, she even grasped your forearm: “But no one understands these things today; they ´ re all busy, you know, even my son when I tell him I ´ ve been missing her so much lately ...” - Well, who ´ s interested in that? And again she was so obtrusive: “We were so close but we had to flee from home when I was a kid, in January, twelve degrees below zero, and Mom packed up our things in a hurry while Sarah was crying like mad and begging in vain to keep Trudy, our watchdog; we had to be gone before the soldiers came, …” And on and on she went, with Vistula Lagoon. Again! The doomed trek, with all the horrors and enough cold for more than a life. All that old stuff from ancient times, no one wants to hear that anymore! It´ s all over now, for decades, and it´ s all such a waste of time and energy; I really don ´ t see the point of not letting go. Life goes on and young people like you shouldn ´ t be bothered with all that and made to feel bad! We ´ ve all got our own troubles now that we must deal with, and for horrors like that … Just watch the news, it´ s all the same, isn ´ t it? She really should have been more considerate and have left you alone, that´ s just what I think. 

But she didn ´ t care, and she didn ´ t stop pestering people with that stuff, neither you nor me nor anyone, never, and especially the other day! It was so tedious, for I actually wanted to take the trash out but I couldn ´ t and there were drippings all over the floor, for she was endlessly talking to you about it all, even longer than usual: hunger, ice and snow, fear. Death!

She ´ d tried it all with me before: You want to escape but she keeps insisting, she clings to your arm with claws you feel right through your sleeve, and she pierces you with those disturbing eyes, talking on and on and on, to get rid of it all, to say it: “Yes, it was like this. It really was like this! Just imagine, this is what happened, it was so horrific! Just listen!” You want to go but she doesn ´ t let you. You struggle, for you are cold and tired, and finally you unsnare with an angry fake smile, you escape, you slam the door, and ...

- My dear ...! - Oh! What´ s wrong? - You ´ re crying? Another time? – Oh, I ´ m so sorry...! Sshhhhh ……! - Oh, sssshhh …! – Yes… It … really was quite a lot, yes, you ´ re right … Come here, love, don ´ t worry; it´ s all over now, she ´ s gone, she won ´ t harm you anymore … Hmmm …? ... Don ´ t cry, please ...! – Wait, here … A hanky …? - Ssssshhh …

Yes … That´ s better, isn ´ t it? … - No, no, my dear, don ´ t worry, you ´ re all right! It´ s not your fault you left her alone … Ok …? – No …! No, you weren ´ t rude, not at all …! It was just too much, you had to take care of yourself! You were absolutely right; with people like that you have to clearly set your boundaries and have a thick skin … It´ s so important; you really should work on that to feel better … Ok? ... Promise ...? 

You see: The ambulance men told you that she simply went to bed, just as normal. No…- alcohol, no pills or else, right? “Who knows; she may have guessed,” her son even said, you remember? - Poor chap … Did he tell you that he had tried to call her since Thursday? That´ s why he ´ s come here; it´ ll be quite a long sad day for him, after finding his mum, having to sort it all out. But, well … It is what it is, and you should leave it at that, you see? - Oh, please, won ´ t you stop crying …?! You ´ re wearing yourself out, love, losing all your energy! You ´ re so lucky that you ´ re not involved in that stuff. Just have a little rest and then go on with your life … Ok? I can ´ t always be here with you, grounding you, and what about other people? The Petersens from the second floor and the others, you know what they are like. Don ´ t you care about what they might think? Just see what state you ´ re in: You were watching him open the door to her little balcony and there were those sparrows sitting there, fluttering up and away, chirping… - that was all that happened, but you melted into tears …!